The Old Improbable Island Wiki

This cheap titillation shack is the socially acceptable alternative to the Squat brothel in Squat Hole. The booth is staffed by a rotating cadre of the Island's most eligible bachelorettes, who volunteer their time and lips to collect donations for The Watcher's favorite charity, Caveman Joe's Home for Wayward Spiderkitties.¹⁾ Make them happy with your kissing technique, and they might just reward you with a blessing. Offend them by kissing too aggressively, and they'll slap you silly.²⁾

Among the volunteers who rotate through the Kissing Booth are:

• Ella, whose feel-good tongue technique will restore your health.
• Emily, whose clumsiness will suck the charm right out of you.
• Foilwench, who is widely rumored to be shacked up with Epaphus in a cottage in Improbable Central, when she isn't roaming through the woods trying to bum a cig from passing contestants and tweaking their implants.
• Heidi, who will give you a warm feeling. That 'warm feeling' is, by the way, the first symptom of a social disease, so you might want to head over to the Hospital Tent for medication.
• Petra, who is such a good kissing instructor, you're sure to feel more charming afterward.
• Saucy Wench, who often rewards contestants with the energy for one more jungle fight.

Crazy Audrey has been banned from this establishment. If you see her here, please call the local constables immediately.³⁾