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Full Metal Lion

Welcome to Page 3, an informational page with the dubious honor of being on Full Metal Lion,1) containing very little info about anything. His Dramatis Personae entry or character biography would probably be more useful.



(Sunglasses2) may be inaccurate).

In Character

Full Metal Lion started as a boringly-normal gentleman who arrived on the Island with a case of bumped-on-the-head-amnesia, also known as “I-can't-be-bothered-to-think-of-a-backstory-yet-itis”. After generally making a fool of himself for a while,3) he got involved in a time travel plot that involved him giving himself a time machine. After the resolution of that plot, I finally found a good gimmick for him: being a cannon. Then, as a compromise that would allow him to open doors and play the kazoo, Full Metal Lion became a cannon who could turn into a human.

I invite you4) to fill out the space under this with his life story.

I was the eldest son of the king of Denmark…

A Crumpled-Up Piece of Paper Glued to this Page of the Enquirer

The Plan As planned by Full Metal Lion

  1. Build flophouse.
  2. Fall in love.
  3. Create a series of editorial cartoons for the Enquirer.
  4. Trick a better artist into drawing the cartoons.
  5. Give myself the time-travelling pocketwatch.
  6. Join OST.
  7. Join BTW.
  8. Betray one for the other.
  9. Claim that anything that arises is 'Part of The Plan'
    1. Possible: Time-travel back to the past and write down all the events that happened, making sure everything is part of the plan.5)

Double In-Character

Full Metal Lion wrote an advice column and a book of short stories under the pen name “Full Metal Loin”.


Out of character, I'm just some guy, really.6)7)8)9)

I am, occasionally, the most interested party in editing the wiki,10) judging by any given “Recent changes” page. This has led my name to be included in important wiki pages a truly embarrassing number of times. Unfortunately, I made the Wiki too perfect, so now I lead a guerrilla movement to systematically damage every page. I like to refer to myself as the Master of the Sixteen Hundred Doors, and I put on a hat made out of the Enquirer when no one is looking. I am pathologically incapable of lying, so everything I write on the wiki is something I believe, something I find funny, something I desperately wish were true, or something that is a typo.

Many newbies believe that the Wiki of Lies really is full of lies, which is ironic.

Because I come out of hibernation to edit the wiki furiously for a week every year,11) most of the guidelines on the wiki are just things that seemed like good ideas to me at some point.

I've drawn some things for II, but I'm not going to link to them out of SHAME and FEAR OF RIDICULE. Speaking of SHAME and FEAR OF RIDICULE, that's how I feel about most of the writing I did earlier in my Island career, including Ask Full Metal Loin and all of the scenes I'm in on this wiki.

I'm the uncontested12) King of Low-Quality Image Manipulation.13)14) I have no skills in drawing or music, which is a shame, because I might want to make something related to the Island with those skills.

I've written several small Greasemonkey scripts, many of which have to do with the Enquirer.

Quoting from the rap song, show tune, and/or dirty poem that will eventually be written about me “The forum says I'm an Improbable Badass / But I've got a hunch / That that doesn't mean my posts are high class, / Just that I post a bunch.”

Thanks to friendly Islanders willing to share their knowledge, I am now in possession of various DARK MAGIX, LOST SECRETS, and MILDLY AMUSING PARTY-TRICKS. I'm always on the look-out for more, though, so feel free to drop me some cryptic hints about whatever ancient techniques or poorly-lit arts you happen to have mastered.

I've written a guide on my method of doing a one-day dk, and a proposed PvP system to complement roleplay.

I have done many things I regret. Titling the page about myself something that isn't my name for a stupid joke is one of them.15)

and, we are assured, vice versa
and entire portrait
some claim he never stopped
Yes, you!
Note from Full Metal Lion the Elder: Nope! Can't be arsed! Also, you won't read this, so what do I care?
Fun fact: Full Metal Lion is one of the few Improbable Island players who actually has a chainsaw. Claims of Frilly Pink Panties have yet to be substantiated.
Psh. I'm sure many players have a chainsaw for yard work and stuff. What's really interesting is that Full Metal Lion also owns an actual Invisisuit
What? An Invisisuit? LEMME SEE!
Are you sure?
six more days a year than most other editors
Because no one has ever bothered to organize a contest
See the ends of these threads
Note that this is Low-Quality Image-Manipulation, not Low-Quality-Image Manipulation
The stupid joke is that “page 3” is the page on which The Sun often put “a large photograph of a topless, bare-breasted female glamour model” and thus it would be strange for my page to be that page.
page_3.txt · Last modified: 2023/11/21 18:02 by

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