Good morning Islanders! It's November 25, two-thousand and (image of cute PUPPY! suddenly yanks your attention).
Welcome to Island Insider, where we talk about what's happening with the network and how you can get involved. Today!
I'm your host, CrashTestPilot.
First, network news. Bureaus have been opened in every city on the Island, and you can access them all, except for Improbable Central, and CyberCity404. Our corporate headquarters, that shining office tower you see in Improbable Central, is accessible only to network staff.
Which could be you! Because we're hiring. Here's how to get involved.
Write up a story (it helps if you do it broadcast style, like I'm doing here), but it could also take the form of print. Or, if you feel better using your voice, check out Oddcast, make yourself a reporter-avatar, then either use text-to-speech, or your own lovely voice (which you can do from your phone), and post/host it where ever you like, and link to it here.
If you don't feel up to writing (which I find shocking, given how many of you enter reams of text when you're in Common Ground, you can pop into a local bureau (which you'll find in Visit the Locals, and look for the distinctive INN logo, gleaming radiantly from atop the many shacks INN's founders have purchased in any of the various cities. Except for IC (unless you have a key, which we're only giving out to serious contributors) and CC404 (we're about to scrap the cottage, and put up a shack there, but I'm between DKs just now and can't sell).
Seen a new monster? Be the first to report it! Know of an impending clan war? You could be the first to report it, while standing dramatically in front of a burning tank. Ever want to cover sports? Be the first to invent a sport, make others play it, and list the standings! Want to be a weather zombie? Does Improbable Island HAVE weather? You can BE THAT PERSON. Which will give you access to our SuperMegaUltraImprobableDOPPLER-9000 machine, with all the honor and glory that entails. Are you investigative by nature? Dig into the scandals that have plagued our Island over the past year – such as who is Heidi, REALLY. What are Potent Pills made from? REALLY. And are they safe? Given the fact that cigarettes are the primary currency on the Island, what has that done to the cancer rate?
Note that the rumor of salary bonuses to be made available for any member who never wears armor other than a trenchcoat, or a tuxedo is completely false.
INN is THE NETWORK that gives you, the citizen, an opportunity to break news. Into as many pieces as you see fit.
Join us. Be informed. Be informative. Be relevant. Get that 14 minutes of fame you so righteously deserve. Help people. Befriend animals. Walk a little taller. Have really great-looking hair. That doesn't move. In a strong wind. Bleach your teeth. Put that make up on, and get ready for the hot lights, the irate producers, and coffee that's been on the burner since yesterday.
Donuts are available in the green room. Akvavit is available in the editor's desk.