An incredibly good-looking, fast and furious midget warrior, dedicated to defending his way of life from the murderous Newbies who come to rob midgets in the town of Squat Hole. He has recruited a mighty army of midget dopplegangers to this cause, all of them armed with plasma guns and ready to lay down their lives to defeat the Newbie Menace.

The occasional act in his name that might be construed as helpful to Newbies has been explained as the work of Jerkygangers.

He is was for a while¹⁾ the only contestant on the Island to have reached 1,000 PvP victories, a feat he accomplished in the Pilot. However, in Season One he has only been heard from a handful of times.²⁾There is a rumor that he has actually been trapped in an improbability-filled cotton candy machine. He pops out occasionally to say hi, complain about how no one ever invites him to their weddings, and offer his assistance in eradicating the Newbie Menace.