There has been much buzz about the newest sub-show to grace our network: Improbable Days of Our Lives. But the general attitude of the show is fuzzy, to say the least. Many of our viewers think that the show is too fake.¹⁾ So, we are happy to inform our fabulous readers/viewers that the Director of Improbable Days of Our Lives has provided us with a copy of the script to one of their episodes from Season 2. The script includes little snippets of fact and Director commentary to let you decide: Fad or Flop?

(Read the footnotes for director's commentary)²⁾

Performed by The Insanity Players^3)4)5)6)

Scene:DAVE and DAVE's HAT are in the COMMON GROUND. DAVE's HAT professes to AARALYN that he would rather be with a good looking woman. GENEVIEVE overhears.

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve sees that Dave's hat is done harassing the kid so she saunters over, doffing her own hat and putting his on “Happy nae, mate?” she asks him with a wry grin

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat waves its feather about panicked as Gen picks it up, then seems to settle a bit as it sits on her head. It waves its feather happily, then pulls out its sign. “Sorry, Dave. . . I'm leaving you.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat spins the sign around. “I mean, don't be sad. We had some good times, but it just couldn't last. It's not me, it's you. Also, She's hotter.” An arrow points down at Gen.

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve laughs, peering up to read the sign.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave raises an eyebrow at his hat. “You know you'll be back for me. She can never give you what we have!” His eyes start to well up with tears.

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve snrks with laughter and shrugs at Dave “Can't be helped Dave, tha hat has spaken”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave's hat stows the sign, producing a miniature Tricorn which it perches on its crown. It then pulls the sign back out. “Nope, not this time. THIS TIME I MEAN IT!”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve giggles a bit herself. She dramatically places a hand on her forehead “Oh! Aye! Hat. . . yee have swept me aff my feet. . . bet. . . MY HEART BELANGS TO ANATHER” she announces, there is a dramatic chord.

<AIB> Sergeant Hiraniva plays an additional dramatic chord from her speakers to add to Gen's effect. Apparently, not all her humor was saved and closed. ⁷⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve clutches at her chest, her other hand on her forehead “I. . . I cannat cantinyee thes false lave any langar! Go back to hem, Hat. . . far he truly laved yee!”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat stops, stricken. “No, it can't be true! But. . . but. . . you said. . .you said. . .” A sad face, tearful, is crudely drawn under the words.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat stows the sign and mini-hat slowly, feather drooping. It hops off Gen's head and slowly scuttles back towards Dave, turning back every few feet sadly.

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve nods solemnly “I cannat lie anymar, Hat!. . . I am pragnant. . . and Haratio es the father!” another dramatic chord. Improbable Days of Our Lives will continue after these messages from our sponsors

cue fadeout, cut to FailClean Ad.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave dashes in front of a camera, grabbing Iva on the way. “Tired of that old, rusty Robot look?”⁸⁾⁹⁾

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave indicates Iva to the camera, though she's clearly not as described.

<AIB> Sergeant Hiraniva blinks. She can't be offended by it, however. She is a robot.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave nods matter-of-factly. “No one wants to look like they just dropped off the Failboat. That's why we at Improbable Labs have invented the NEW” He pulls a can of something from behind him.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave holds the can up to the camera. It reads (as narrated): “FailClean. Guaranteed to take even the toughest Failboat rust and grime off your chassis!” He sprays some on Iva. It's Windex.

<AIB> Sergeant Hiraniva looks at Dave. “I do not require cleaning.”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave wipes off some with a cloth, and Iva's chassis glints in the camera lights. “Order yours now! Don't Delay! And now, back to Improbable Days of Our Lives!” He dashes back to place, taking Iva.

cue to fade-in, close-up on AARALYN

Rookie Aaralyn adds a quiet, “And I have just awoken from a 20 year coma. . .!” trailing off into mumbles. She smirks to herself. ¹⁰⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve kneels down to be level with the child, she “cries” into her shoulder dramatically “Ah! Friend! Hae I have missed yee!” ¹¹⁾

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel appears by Aaralyn in a black cape with a ridiculous moustache which he twirls evilly. “Aha, so you were here were you?”¹²⁾

Rookie Aaralyn looks up at the evil looking moustached-man, “Um. . .yes! Here I was. . .?!”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve gasps and fake-faints as Victor, the ex-boyfriend secret soviet spy appears!

Rookie Aaralyn looks shocked at the Queen faux-faints!

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel laughs. “Yes! It is I, Victor! That boat explosion set me adrift but I was picked up by a passing fisher boat and lived though I suffered from amnesia.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve wakes up, tears wetting her cheeks, she holds her hands to her heart and says, in a wonderful british accent “But Victor. . . do you remember. . . me?” her eyes glisten

Rookie Aaralyn watches intently, will the Amnesia-stricken secret soviet spy remember the woman impregnated by Horatio!?¹³⁾

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel fakes an anguished look. “Of course I remembered, even as I took up a job at the fishery I remembered your face. I remember it all now.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve stands up, eyes downcast. She whispers “D-do. . . do you remember that night? On the cruise ship?”

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel looks away. “I'll never forget it. I told you the same thing that night.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve gets close to him, putting her hands on his chest, she leans into his ear, the cameras zoom in on her lips “I lied” the chord plays loudly and the camera pans out, to catch the shock on his face ¹⁴⁾¹⁵⁾

Rookie Aaralyn gasps!

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel 's shocked face twists and pushes her away from him. “I know! Though I didn't want to hear it! And that's why you betrayed me for my twin brother Horatio.”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat bursts into the scene, feather turning to Gen, then Victor, then Aaralyn, then back to Victor. It pulls out its sign. “You. . .You took that cruise with HER?”¹⁶⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve pulls away from Victor suddenly as the hat bursts in, she smiles wryly at the hat and exclaims “Yes! he did! because he loved ME not you!!” she cries a little more

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat drops the sign in shock, then picks it back up, remembering that's how it talks. It spins the sign around. “You know I saved up for years for that cruise. . .it was supposed to be US!”¹⁷⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve turns her tearful eyes to Victor. She weeps “No!. . . I. . . I loved you! you were gone for so long! I thought you had died! he tricked me into believing it was you! You must believe me!”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve gets on her knees in front of Victor, hands clasped together, begging “Please! Victor! Forgive me!”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat glares at Gen, then turns back to Victor. “Don't listen to her! She's just lying again! She'll just use you like she used me. Think about our daughter!”

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel shakes his head at the hat. “It was only a mission. I'm afraid we could never be more than friends, my father would never permit it.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve turns suddenly, standing quickly, she looks between the hat and Victor “Daughter!? DAUGHTER?!!” she spins on Victor “You cheated on me!? With a hat!?”

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel sighs and shakes his head. “And I cannot forgive you my queen. Just as I cannot forgive myself.”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave turns back to Gen, spinning the sign around angrily. “If I recall, missy, you didn't seem to mind my feather much yourself. . . But that's all you were after, wasn't it? Just another toy to use. . .”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve cries again “How could you! how could you do this to me! I. . . I loved you, Victor!”

Rookie Aaralyn 's eye twitches!¹⁸⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve snarls at the Hat “Yes… yes. . . I did use you. . . I used you to get to him. . . but that seems to have backfired. . .” she reaches for something in her coat pocket. . .

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat drops the sign again, feather shaking fearfully. It waves the feather at her, trying to dissuade her from whatever it is she's about to do.

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel shakes his head at Gen. “You never really loved me. Because I was never really Victor!” Thunder claps and he pulls of his face like a mask revealing an identical face beneath.¹⁹⁾

[12/28 04:04am] <AIB> Sergeant Hiraniva plays dramatic music!

<ROGUE> Civilian Snow Gray grins and kisses Neeip, leaving her drink on the bar before bounding into the frame of the Soap opera. She looks at Victor then turns to the hat. “Dad? What is he doing here?”²⁰⁾

<ROGUE> Civilian Snow Gray says “You said he was dead!” before gasping in horror at the reveal. “Horatio?!”

<ROGUE> Captain Neeip Grins broadly, watching Snow ²¹⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve gasps, dropping the FBI badge she was pulling from her pocket to the floor. “H-horatio!?” she exclaims “But. . . if you're Horatio. . . then” she looks at her stomach “Victor is the father!”

Rookie Aaralyn shouts, “You!!” at the identical man!

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave's Hat scrabbles for his sign and gives it a spin. “No. . .Gray. . .you weren't. . .weren't supposed to see this. I tried to hide it all from you. . .” The feather droops sadly.

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat looks up at Horatio. “I guess. . .we can tell them now. . .can't we?”

<ROGUE> Civilian Snow Gray gives a sad look to the Hat. “Hide it from me. . . you lied to me! Please. . . tell me the truth!”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve hurriedly picks up her FBI badge, she holds it out in front of her at Horatio “This changes my plan a bit. . . I am Agent Alexis Danger. . . FBI. . . Where is Victor?!”²²⁾

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve reaches her free hand into her coat pocket again, to pull out something else…. something that is not quite entirely unlike a gun.

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel nods down at the hat sadly. “Victor only barely survived the explosion, lasting just long enough to tell me his story.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve looks at Horatio, she whimpers, the gun shaking in her hand as she points it at him “H-he's dead? You.. you killed my Victor!? the father of my child!?”

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave 's hat nods its feather to AAD. It spins the sign around. “Victor did love you. . .long ago. Your words on the cruise ship. . .they reached him somehow. What you confessed. . .”²³⁾

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel shakes his head at Gen. “No, you killed Victor with your words.”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve cries, she wraps both her hands around the gun “No. . . no. . . this can't be true. . . that's impossible!” the gun shakes in her hands

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve weeps “No. . . n-no. . . I killed you”

<ROGUE> Pirate Queen Genevieve pulls the trigger. The gun shot echoes in the room.

<SPICE> Major Badass Nathaniel clutches at his chest and staggers, knees buckling under him and pitching forwards into the grass.

<AIB> Sergeant Hiraniva plays “Hide and Seek” by Imogen Heap as the gun fires “MMmm what'cha saay, ohh when you only meant well, well of course you did. . . MMmmm what'cha saay. . . oooh what did you saaaay?” the music fades as Horatio falls.²⁴⁾

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave brings up the stage lights again. Horatio lies in a pool of blood, the Hat is gone, Agent Alexis Danger stands there, gun still smoking. A confused Gray stares in shock, and a child lies in a coma.

<ROGUE> Civilian Snow Gray runs over to Horatio. “No… now I'll never know the truth! ”

Fade music Fade to Black Fade In TO BE CONTINUED. . .

Roll credits, split screen, bottom screen credit roll, top screen fade in: NEXT TIME ON IMPROBABLE ISLAND. . .

fade in, Requiem for a dream playing in BG

<ROGUE> Civilian Snow Gray stands in the rain. “I don't care what you think, we're getting married!” The Hat is in an unknown tropical location. . . a camera pans in to a sign that says “Maternity ward”

Rookie Aaralyn is in a coma! Still! Oh look, her finger twitched!

<GERM> Chrome Cel-Shaded Teh Dave , himself, is seen sipping Pina Colada from a large, tropical-shaped glass, sunbathing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. A wide grin crosses his face. A gun cocks, the glass falls.

Fade out, music end on right before glass fall

2 minutes of end credit roll with Special Thanks to:

Neeip
Snow Gray
Hiraniva
Nathaniel
Aaralyn Teh Dave
Genevieve
The Watcher
Network Sponsors
The Internet
Viewers Like You

Fade in. . . ²⁵⁾

Rookie Aaralyn has a sudden flashback to a stormy night on the edge of a cliff over rocky raging waters! Her and Horatio, facing eachother in the pouring downfall…

She remembers a bright flash of light as an explosion went off not far from herself and Horatio, they stood there in the downfall..

Rookie Aaralyn remembers shouting at Horatio in the rain, “There never was a Victor, was there!” she remembers tears streaming down her face as the ground shook..

Rookie Aaralyn falls into another coma.