<note important>With permission of The Watcher, we present to you an assortment of Improbable Island's most poignant, heartfelt, tearjerkingly melodramatic snippets of footage available. We hope that you, dear viewer, will be thoroughly satisfied with your fruit basket of film, your totebag of tape. You also may submit snippets of the show you liked. In fact, this is more than welcome. But, a word of warning, as the Watcher tends to be picky: don't quote yourself. Don't quote with wild abandon. These should be the ripest cherries among a field of shrivelled, sour, incomparably dull cherries. ..Nevermind that cherries grow in trees. Just choose wisely, eh?</note>

Kestrel's player says “If anyone gets totally overlooked: speak up. Someone will be along to violate your personal space in no time.”
(In Banter, during the Night of the Living Dead / GERM Reunion party)

The Stray - SinkOrSwim treads softly across the hall. It's oh so quiet. It's oh so still. He's all alone, and he ate Bjork several months ago so it'll remain that way for the forseeable…

Contestant MoldyLox reckons he would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. . .

Contender Dorque snaps back to what's going on around him. “It happens, Skidge. Reality just isn't what it used to be. I once wrote a poem so bad it actually took its own life.” He stops to consider this.

Rookie Squeebl whispers, “Never get bitten by a cat. It will make your hand swell up like a balloon and ooze bloody pus and turn red and threaten your life. And then the doctor will give you amoxicillin to cure it, but that will make you vomit horrible black stuff and quiver and shake and go half-delerious.”
Contestant Zpatula whispers, “Sounds like my first marriage.”

Lance Corporal Cheezburger would be hard to eat through his Servo Boosted Combat Armour.
Alpha Male of the Mass Chimental makes a mental note to buy a can opener.

Vigilante Librarian Skidge bounds into the Abandoned Factory and is NEVER SEEN AGAIN.
Vigilante Librarian Skidge has gone up a level in melodramatic statement! She is now level 16. This action will cost less Stamina so she can make melodramatic statements more times a day!

KK Victoria nods. “Have list?” Mission statements make things easier. If he knows exactly what is needed that he should go and hunt down, then it prevents him presenting random dead things to her.
Outlier Cadye Willfan hms, the engineer forefront again. “Maybe just.. hm. Any pretty-intact reptiles, that would be good. Any dead things that are the same type as our clanmates, too, for practice?”

Jaxx shrugs. “I guess because it asks too many killer questions to catch and kill properly? Remember the sphix is supposed to devour its challenger if it gets its riddle wrong.”
Stanlygirl adds, “Well, that one didn't ask me anything. I think she said 'arrgh' right as my riot hammer was pushing her into a very immovable rock, but it wasn't a question.”
Contestant Marly stops munching to stare at her piece. Is she eating all that remains of an unlucky friend? The horror doesn't last long as she shrugs and takes another bite. “Delicious Failure.”
Jaxx smiles impishly. “I guess you could call that a killer statement then?”

Contender Wayne says, “ah yes .. Ace High .. how I've missed you. Much the same way I miss colonic enemas and STDs really.”
#Mod# That Annoying Epaphus says, “Ah, that was a great weekend, wasn't it, Wayyne?”
Contender Wayne says, “I .. uhhh .. no .. that was some one else .. really .. gurgle mmmphg blrrr”
Contender Wayne didn't think *anyone* else knew about that.
Contender Wayne glances at the photos that Epaphus holds out for inspection.
Contender Wayne says, “yes yes, you've made your point. sheesh. . . I have one little pre-empetive whine and you come on all. . . nostalgic.”
#Mod# That Annoying Epaphus says, “Don't look at me, Wayne. Those photos came frrom the STD clinic. Oh, and the billboard just outside of town. And CNN.com.”
#Mod# That Annoying Epaphus says, “And the FBI's Most Wanted list .. Well, you get the picture. So to speak.”
Contender Wayne says, “ah yes .. customer of the year at the STD clinic .. a proud moment .. but enough of this banter .. I have monsters to whoomph .. beasts to zap, and .. I'm becoming a cartoon character!”

Contestant Farrell whispers, “Lordy, I'm so tired. And hungry. But, of course, there's no food for me here.”
Contestant Farrell whispers, “404: Steak not found”

Returning Contestant eikooR says, “Nobody in for sex changes, ay?”
Rude and Uncivilized Pinche Cabron says, “I just had mine changed to 'more frequently'.”

I am legion for we are Bernard addresses Josephine, “The pigs drowned. I possessed some fishes, got eaten by 5000 people, possessed all of them and then carried on regardless. My last human was Geoff Boycott..”

Contestant Neeip walks into the grounds, waving to the other contestants, before walking over to the roast “smells good, whatcha cookin?”
Contestant Ferryn looks to Neeip. “Me.”
Returning Contestant threemilechild wanders in. “Do I smell roast zombie?”
Contestant Ferryn indicates the mostly fleshless leg next to her.

Grinning Jackal Fenrir is on a diet that excludes eating anything that's been killed more than once.

Citizen Marly is flung into her spot on the boat du Fail by two burly men. She sits up indignantly. If she's going to get bounced for dancing in the cage, she's not sure she wants to frequent this club anymore.

High Lady Escemfer blinks in bewilderment. “There's a ferris wheel in your pocket?” There's a new innuendo.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe nods, “Its fairly big, with bright lights. It spins and excites people, particularly girls on dates!” he's either oblivious, or messing with them. . .

Improbable General Obsidian Cain goes to free blergness from the stocks, only to be told he has actually freed James Bond!
Improbable General Obsidian Cain curses “Foiled again! That was a clever disguise, Bond, but I'll be. . .” He struggles with his. . . bonds. . . “Well, you know the rest. . .”

Syn shakes her head sadly. Ebenezer, the last bastion of common sense, reason, and boring stability has blue eyebrows. This place really does make everyone crazy.

Rookie Sparkles McFee sets down the wine and cheese, thinking “Cheese is excellent with wine, and wine is a classy way to get drunk in a tree.”

RoboBandito Rawr notices Anadel and Piper looking at each other almost-conspiratorially. If there's one thing in this world he doesn't understand; it's orangutans. If there're two; they're orangutans and women.

Contestant Hairless looks at the central city's always amazing spectacles as he passes through. Contestant Hairless did note that the city's spectacles were fuschia-colored today. He did not stop to smell the fuschias, however. Maybe tomorrrow the spectacles will be rose-colored. . .

Civilian AlexHibiki leans closer to whisper on her ear.. then just smiles at her, murring softly.
Lady Akitsu blushes faintly and smiles, closing her eyes again as she relaxes.. Looks as though she's about to rest a bit..
Rookie Cheese says, “Just Yiff already. God. There is no reason to drag it out this long.”
Cheese is commended for his frankness.
Winged Rosin would smack Cheese upside the head with a very heavy object if she were here. But she's not. And he's lucky.

Fractal Aeridus attempts to smoke the Grassy Field.

Dread Pirate Black Jacques Chirac sez, “Neh, yer fine, mate. No need to hide.”
Dread Pirate Black Jacques Chirac chuckles. “Hell, Lor is twice as ugly as you, and smells ten times worse, don't he? And he doesn't hide under a sheet.”
Pocket Monster Reverb opens his eyes. And another set. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.
Pocket Monster Reverb gibbers. “Wow. I can see all of you people!”
Dread Pirate Black Jacques Chirac gulps. “Oh. Er. Well. Mebbe just a little sheet, then.”

Returning Contestant Giuseppe Lorenzo picks herself up, plops on the stool next to Amerithe, and leans on her. “Amerithe, how are you so pretty?”
Rookie Amerithe whispers, “It's the boobs, dear.”

Cabbage Cart Binjali has become known as Cabbage Caravan Binjali.

Contestant Hairless sings, “I have a little budgie, he is my very pal. I take him walks in Britain, I hope I always shall.”
“My budgie's been to NewHome, and flown 'round Pleasantville. I think he brings me luck, it seems he's fairly hard to kill.”
“My budgie's eaten Mutant meals, he's gotten rather fat. I think I'll let him eat my ear,he's very fond of that.”
“And if my budgie meets the Drive, that may be where he ends. But he'll not leave me stuck featherless, because we have our friends.”
“If we should lose our memories, and all our worldly stuff, we still will keep our friends - and methinks that is enough.”

Maskmaker Sicpuess nods. “Mhhm. How about a train, Ferryn? Could have train-bearers.”
Rookie Skenderbeg says, “She could wear a cunductor's hat to go with it.”
CentipedeMorph Ferryn is examining her rear. “Train. Could work too. But. . . 'd get all dirty!”
Rookie Skenderbeg grins at his own little joke, then frown at his inability to enunciate.
Maskmaker Sicpuess can't help but laugh. “And a coal waggon trailing, howsthat?”
CentipedeMorph Ferryn giggles. Who knows, it is Improbable island!
Rookie Skenderbeg nods, grinning, “She certainly does have the kaboose for it.”
CentipedeMorph Ferryn flushes bright red at Skender's comment.
Rookie Skenderbeg whispers a silent “zing!” to himself.

Golem of Paul Lo finds yet another old bloke in a red and white suit with a big bag, around here this time. It puts the man with all the others, somewhere far away, where it smells of decay.

Wandering Vagrant Ghostface Koalah cites, “Giving in to your primal urges, you lean down and begin ripping meat from the still-twitching Dick with your teeth.” and facepalms.

Rookie Kitty staggers up from below decks, dragging her marbles behind her.

Rumbustiously Marly looks at a. . . well, she's not entirely sure. A contestant? Is he a rabbit, or just thinks he's a rabbit, and projecting his self-image onto the surrounding people?
Rumbustiously Marly would ask Freud about this, but he'd babble about her mother and last friday and she'd just have to kill him again.

Zombie Holden Caulfield thinks it would be very impolite of the monsters to attack people while they're eating. In a restaurant.
Zombie Holden Caulfield wants to die the way he lived: quivering with fear behind a tree.
Contestant Chance has it on the best authority that monsters are impolite.
Contestant Chance thinks they probably don't even tip the waiter.
Contestant Chance considers. He's heard they use their cell phones while in the restaurant, too.
Lance Corporal Da Spook says, “Those Bastards!”

Rookie Joani lands tail over teakettle. She calmly says from between her legs, “Improbable Central is falling.”
Civilian Shara never looks up from her flask as she reponds, “Over the last week everything is falling, except prices at eBoy's. I think we should revolt against that.”

Technical Sergeant Da Spook giggles to herself a bit “Oh I think i can hear his mind snapping.”
Skirling Skidge looks up from the bubblewrap she's found. “No, that was me, mind snapping sounds more like. . . . mmh. . . a twig being trod upon by a drunk rhinocerous. Except it doesn't sound like that either.”

The disembodied voice of Bernard whispers to one of his wolfy chums, and then starts a series of sharp yelps and growls that make poor Sink's hackles stand on end, a lupine telling off, if ever there was one.
Lupine SinkOrSwim jumps to his feet, growling. “I'm going to take it that someone just told you to say that, and that it wasn't your own comment. Otherwise, leave my mother out of this. . .”
Lupine SinkOrSwim shakes his head. “Nope. A Freudian slip is saying one thing and meaning your mother. It's more Pavlovian in my case. Ring a bell and I'll demolish the nearest meringue.

Vigilante Librarian Skidge dangles the string until she's sure it's the source of the problem. She's been the Stringbearer for so long, she can recognize the symptoms. Vincent is in fact lucky he only had it for a day.
Contender Coric drifts back and forth with the swinging string, he barely eeks out, “What..is..this..MIND control..device?!”
Master Thief Vincent really wants it back.. It doesn't weigh too heavily on him,and it calms him down.
Vigilante Librarian Skidge murmurs, “One string to rule them all, one string to bind them, one string rolled in a ball so Kittymorphs can wind them. . .”

Rookie Flahier says, “I miss my cats. . .”
Rookie Quira hmms, and draws convenient circular targets on Flahier's cats.

Rookie Joey mutters, “Well, the odd thing is, I found it in the Jungle, by a dead romance novel writer.”
Contender Syn punches Joey.
Rookie Beeker mutters, “At least he didn't hit you with the chainsaw.”
Contender Syn says “Yeah, mentioning romance novel writers will get you hit every time.”
Rookie Beeker socks Syn in the nose.

Rookie Joey says, “There. Now, when you 'Look at the tables' you'll be looking at my sculpture.”
Contestant emeraldecho wants a table to sit at so she pulls one out of the sculpture - and the whole thing comes tumbling down.
Contender Wayne says, “We come to the Raven Inn, tired bedraggled and thin; We carve on the table, such wit as we're able, But usually it aint worth a pin.”

Rookie eoifjsdlkmczldhf glares at the sun.
Private Wayne thinks the sun is winning.

Rookie Karythe fumbles and manages to catch the cog, albeit clumsily, and yells to Sicpuess, “Um. . . I believe you have a screw loose–! Would you like it back?”

Civilian Beeker is out of the loop and the expression on his face says “I don't know what's going on, but I'll figure it all out eventually.” Then he gets distracted by a butterfly.

The Unfortunate Halfsquat despairs, “There are no words to properly describe my hatred for Improbably Burny Fire.”
Rookie sugar-hi unicorn asks “could you express it through interperative dance? That'd cheer everyone up, I'm sure.”

Rawr is part of a crowd. It is his highest aspiration. He sniffs a bit, wiping a tear from his eye whist doing his best to keep a stiff upper lip. He goes back to defending.

CentipedeMorph Ferryn whines. It's coming! Oh god she's gonna be lunch. She just hopes that she tastes good with a bit of seasoning.

Returning Contestant g_rock's lips move as he addresses Pinche. Shortly afterward, the preachers voice continues “Gift from Horatio, sort of a speech impediment. I've been badly dubbed. I have very little control”
Ecstatic Pinche Cabron nods in sympathy for g_rock, “I had a typing impediment once.”
Corporal Marly has a personality impediment, herself.
Cocoa God Tyr is just demented.
Improbable General talkydoor has a bit of a tact impediment, commonly known as foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Corporal Marly has some sauce and relish for that foot in her store.

Amphibian Chinaski has been experiencing much pronoun stumbling these days. It's his damn vagina and boobs, throw people right off.

Returning Contestant ricki says, ” Thats what I like about you two. Never ungrateful, never any Ricki what is this? Ricki this isn't edible, Ricki thats my own ear, Ricki thats disgusting.“

Rookie Tyler Durham gets all tangled up in the space-time continuum. Help!

Spandex watches Bernard leave, then turns to Paul and shrugs. “He's losing it.” she whispers to him.
Earth Mage Paul Lo snickers. . .”He has already lost it, it's just that he is only beginning to notice.“

Corporal Timiryazev garumphs at all the drama. Emotions, bah. Robot's don't need emotions. They do, however, need a new heat sink.

Uncle Bernard always says 'yes' to hot, sweet, strong tea, preferably steeped for hours in a plastic thermos, “I always say 'yes' to hot, sweet, strong tea.”

Calliaphone looks enthusiastic. she's never looked after livestock, but a cow's much like a steam-engine, when all's said an' done, she reckons. fuel in one end, exhaust out the other.

Guardian Colossus Korbel turns his attention to Jacques briefly. “I think we need a gentler touch here than yours, eh, Jacques? Let me handle it. Who, Rookie? Who has left?”
Dread Pirate Black Jacques Chirac pretends to be offended. “Wot? Who's got a gentler touch than moi? I'm as unnerstandin' as a new mother an' as solicitous as a salesman.”
Guardian Colossus Korbel says, “Yer as understanding as a bear to the face. Now shush.”
Citizen Edgar snickers. Bear to the face.

<GERM> Plush Jokerbot g_rock squeaks like a chewtoy as he's cuddled, then sighs and opens the top couple shirt buttons, revealing the face of a mickey mouse wristwatch ticking away “Yup. Still tickin.”
<GERM> Midshipman calliaphone would like to know whose shirt buttons G just popped open, please.
<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave thinks it's probably G's. . .though he doubts anyone would mind if it were calli's.
<GERM> Spandex hopes it's anyones, really.
<GERM> Earth Mage Paul Lo is just happy those buttons aren't his.
<GERM> Plush Jokerbot g_rock opened his own, of course! What kind of toy do take him for? Don't answer that!
<GERM> Spandex squeals, thinking, gay porn film shoot.

sugar-hi unicorn giggles at mister G, murmuring to herself ”. . . i do not like them Sam i am. . . i do not like these Braaaaaaaains and spam. . . “

<GERM> Accomplice teh Dave steps out of the air back onto the pole and stares off after Iamme with a wry grin, snapping his fingers. “Damn.”
<GERM> Spandex perches on Dave's shoulder, holding on tight to his hair. It's breezy!
<GERM> Accomplice teh Dave feels a tug at his hair and glances up. “Oh hey Dex. When'd you get here?”
Sickly Kitty Chicago Todd has been watching the going-ons in silence. He, as opposed to everyone else, is far from a genius.
<GERM> Spandex bends forward so she can see the side of his nose, “Can't remember. You?” She notes that she is far from Chicago Todd.
<GERM> Accomplice teh Dave shrugs, hoping he doesn't send Dex flying with the motion. “Rumor has it the stork brought me.” He grins. “You busy?”
<GERM> Spandex rolls with the wave, like sitting on a waterbed. She licks her finger and holds it out in front of her. “Busy holding on for dear life. You?”
<GERM> Accomplice teh Dave shakes his head. “Rookie baiting. No luck tonight though.” He shrugs again, then steps out into the wild blue yonder.
<GERM> Spandex forgot to duck, and bonks her head on the wild blue yonder. She tumbles off, landing on the ground with a THUNK.

<GERM> Uncle Bernard addresses the questions, “It's that bleeding mentalist Sicpuess. Mad as a rabid stoat, that one. Madder. More like an otter. Otterly mad. Stoatally different. Weaselly wecognised.”

IN DUNBERNARDING, AFTER GERM SUCCESSFULLY BROKE THE DWELLINGS CHARACTER LIMIT:

Admin CavemanJoe sneaks in and mutters something about the 64,000 character limit having been changed to MEDIUMTEXT, with a maximum size of 16,000,000 characters.
Admin CavemanJoe says, “Fill that up, smartarse!”
Admin CavemanJoe giggles like a schoolgirl and runs away.
<QQQ> talkydoor pokes her nose in and looks around. She sees some sort of challenge written on the wall and smirks.
<QQQ> talkydoor pulls out a crayon and scrawls beneath it: I believe in you, crazy people.
<QQQ> talkydoor pockets the crayon and backs out guiltily, wary of being accused of graffiti.

Rookie Oddity chuckles. “Oh, yes. Lately, I've come to understand that one can trust the Watcher about as far as one can throw her. While she's strapped to a small car. That's filled with cement.”

Rookie Dodsford smiles, “Is good time, though. When I try to use chainsaw on Pope when I visit Italy, I am chased by men in silly uniforms. Here, I am told 'Good job! You do again!' Is good.”

Rookie Oddity blinks. Hard. “Wait a moment. I'm. . . unsure of how to phrase this well, so please don't take offense, but. . .you were human once? All those who are different races were?”
<AIB> Brigadier Alex MacMillan nods to Oddity. “We were all once scared naked rookies. Not everyone on the Island is even the same gender they started out as here, let alone the same race.”
Rookie Oddity nods slowly to Alex. “Ah. That's. . . somehow not surprising.” He laughs. “I think I've officially lost my mind, and I don't think I want it back.”
<AIB> Treespeaker Mercury adds, “Male-to-female is particularly popular, to the point where it's not uncommon to put about ten to fifteen newly females out of their misery in a day.”

<TYPES> Predictable Medic Props thought Conchor was never gonna let Bree down. Or give her up. Or. . . he stops himself. That power is something that is not to be invoked.
<TYPES> Predictable Medic Props glances around worriedly. He hopes he stopped himself in time. He fears the power of the rickroll.
However, it was too late . . . a new arrival appeared in the grounds, scaring the inhabitants.
Rookie Rick Astley spots Props and gives him a hard look. A look that says, with no uncertain terms, that he will never, ever give him up.

<DICE> Ebenezer looks at his shoes. “I wondered if you got kid-kidnapped by pirates.”
<DICE> Lively Escemfer thinks that's a very silly thing for someone like Ebenezer to say. “I didn't,” she assures him. “I could beat up the pirates.”
<DICE> Ebenezer ohs. “I-I suppose you could. I got kidnapped by pirates. They gave me tea and-and asked me to do their books.” That doesn't sound like pirates!
<DICE> Lively Escemfer is bewildered. “Those are kind of weird pirates.”

Rookie Mel says, “Wow, that was strange. . .everything just went all white, with the number 404 written all over.”
<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave pats Mel on the shoulder. “Nah, that's Cyber City.”

<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave's voice can be heard, low at first, rising in pitch and volume at an astounding rate from the south, a single, yelled “YAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” It also sounds like he's laughing.
<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave can briefly be seen, and still heard, as he flails wildly on his trajectory. He makes a rather deep Dave-shaped hole in the cliff face a good 20 feet down from the tree.
<LAID> Sharp Shooter Anadel looks down over the side of the cliff, “Dave?”
<LAID> Bad Company Nikolai dives over the cliff and circles back to Dave “Oi! You alive in there?
<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave's head pops out of a gopher hole a couple yards north of the tree, with a rather confused-looking gopher atop. It chitters at him, and he attempts to apologize.
<GERM> Accomplice Teh Dave is clearly having communication issues, as he doesn't speak gopher, and the gopher doesn't seem to understand English. Eventually, he gives up and starts trying to get his arms free.

<Hope> Leatherpalms Caleb leans one elbow against the corner of the stocks, shifting a bit of weight off of his feet. “And are you happier in your new clan?”
<GERM> Kestrel nods decisively, with no hesitation. “Yes, I most certainly am. It's wonderful having access to such a brilliant kitchen, and the people aren't half bad, either.”
<Hope> Leatherpalms Caleb grins. Now, there's a woman who has her priorities in the right order.

<DICE> Ochrisbot has gained 3675 cute points! Ochrisbot grows to level 8 cuteness! What? Ochris is evolving! Congratulations! your Ochris evolved into Decorated Ochrisbot!

<GERM> Inspector Miss Hellebore is going to be pulled in twain at any moment. But there comes a time in every young woman's life when they have to say: No. I won't do it. I won't let go of the chocolate.

<Hope>Sydney Fletcher's eyes light up and she innocently approaches the Cake Man. “Um, good day sir.” Clear throat. “Might I trouble you for- aw hell. COULD YOU GIVE ME YOUR LARD?”

<ANY>Rookie Alexander watches Alisen. “Hm?” He lets her smell him, assuming it's just a cat thing. He also watches a rhino flip the fuck out around the deck. He scoots further out of the way to avoid being trampeled.

Rogue Agent James Bond has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Cage Door.
“No, Mister Bond, I expect you to FAIL!” giggles The Watcher.

<GERM>Uncle Bernard was signing his own admin, “Chat? Oh, sorry, rude of me.” he gestures to the four foot pile on his desk, “What happened to our administrator?”
<GERM>Noir Detective SinkOrSwim looks up from behind the papers. “We framed him in a bank job, did we not?”

Ebenezer jabbers: “Have you got an-any experience wh-whatsoever with numbers, Bishop? Where've we g-got to begin? Can you do lon-long division?” His grip on Bishop's shoulders only tightens. .. Jon Bishop turns his head. “Division is long now? That crap already takes forever!”

(13m33s) <ANY>Contestant Alexander pulls himself up over the railing. “Oh dear God, my everything hurts…”
(12m6s) Rookie Ianthespy hands Alexander a cup of steaming cocoa.
(11m1s) <ROGUE> Omega ohs,”You have an everything?”
(6m54s) <ANY>Contestant Alexander takes the cup, sipping from it. “Thanks.” He looks to Omega. “Yes, and I think I need a new one. I don't think mine should be LEAKING.”
(5m40s) Rookie Ianthespy mutters “Shit THAT'S what that wet feeling in my shoes was?”

Biffhost Mercury leans a little to look past Temper straight to Eggpie. “I said it's not impossible for you to suddenly wake up with boobs.”
Rookie Gwentel looks down at her chest. She ponders over Mercury's words. Perhaps this island isn't as bad as she thought…

(14m22s) <CLOWN>The Slightly Alive Sparkles McFee carries a very unhappy ostrich into the ranch. The door swings shut behind them, locked. Dwight the ostrich squirms more.
(13m6s) <CLOWN>The Slightly Alive Sparkles McFee holds the bird tighter. “You are not an intelligent bird.” Bernard stares at them. Sparks stares back. “Oh, like you've never seen soemone wrestle an ostrich before.”
(11m50s) <CLOWN>The Slightly Alive Sparkles McFee sighs as Dwight tries to peck Sparks to death. Dwight the very unhappy and now violent ostrich falls unconscious. Sparks sets him down by the water and leaves.

LadyRavenSkye after about two minutes, she states, “That is like,” She waves the fork around trying to come up with the words, “my taste buds had an orgasm.”

<SPICE>Academician Shiloh is trying his best to ignore the Federal Agent, hoping that by doing so the Federal Agent will ignore him.

Skirling Skidge gazes at the kitten. “Are you mad, Charlie.” The kitten mews! He is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore! Or else he wants snuggles.
(2m33s) It is hard to tell, with kittens.

(3h53m) <GERM>The Allusive Miss Hellebore calls out, loudly, “Anyone else looking for an argument?! It is apparently the day for it!” And then under her breath she mutters, “not crazy, not crazy, not crazy, not crazy…”

(48m53s) <AIB>Second Lieutenant Leonora wakes up quite suddenly from where she'd been quietly napping. “The cows are not what they seem!” she exclaims, quite wildly, for no apparent reason.

(6m46s) <AIB>Technical Sergeant Weezle grumbles a bit more and tugs at a particularly stubborn bit of vine. “Get off. Of. Me. You. Damned. . . . Plant. Thing!” he says venomously, and knocks himself over with a big tug.

(11m37s) <GERM>Earth Mage Paul Lo circles the furniture store, searching for telltale signs of chimneys such as a troop of dancing chimney sweeps.

Rookie June's eyes are wide as she rocks back and forth, shoulders sandwiched firmly between Shelia's and Joe's Diner. “Goo-oing to get me,” she mutters, “going to get me like the Illuminati got Michael Jackson.. . can't get me here, no sir.. . heheheee.. .”

Tyr [observing from a distance as Z and Lelila brutalize their pumpkins]: I am reconsidering the wisdom of giving you both
Z: [snarl, stab]
Lelila [thocks down her knife, flounces up]: I am getting a bigger one.
Tyr [weak]: ..knives.

Rookie Haunter isn't really a person, so much as it is a blob. With spikes. It floats over to Joey and licks him.
Joey blinks. “What in the name of Pokemon lawsuits are you?”

<QQQ>Tabloid Fodder Micha slowly, oh so slowly, turns from Ebenezer's arms to face away from him. With the movements timed (best as she can) to the music, she begins to booty bump, hands on her knees and rump pointed straight at Eben. Oh yeah, get down, just like a Sisqo dancer.
<DICE> Ebenezer EANGHs and hops back, alarmed. That wasn't at all the sort of dance he thought he was doing! “Enough-nough dancing!” he squeaks, retreating.

Captain of The ladyravenSkye grins at the Gremlin Giggles. They are so cute. She waits for the gremlins to finish eating and drinking, then she grabs each one, and smothers them to her bosom. “Oh, I love you both, so much - you're like midgets, but don't smell like piss.”

Rookie Jara edges back to her mother's side…but it's really hard to be nervous of someone who isn't sure of himself, so she looks at him, chewing on her panthzer's ear, then at her mother, then back at him, before deciding, “He looks like a beneezer.”
<DICE> Ebenezer erms. “I s-suppose I… am… one.” If anyone's a beneezer, it's him.

Bell Seeker Sinna did that her very first day!! Before going to the Jungle, even!! “Hammers hurt your face, you know.” She beams. That was obviously secret knowledge.
Rookie Talwer Keyen repeats “Hammers hurt your face. They should put that up on the wall to warn unsuspecting Rookies like myself.”

Elusive Ytin coughs. She straightens out her coat, before giving him a look. “Matty. It's Pitch Black. We're likely to be eaten by Grues.”

Disestablishmentarianism hits Alreicht“ Bad alreicht you ain't a duck lover
Corporal alreicht says “Depends on your definition of lover.”

Isaac Brady gasps at delightedsphinxe. Oh no he didn't.
Ever-Changing Ciaran gasps. OH DEAR SWEET JESUS. …When are we going to hold the funeral? Next Thursday?
Isaac Brady says “Will there be anything worth burying?”
Ever-Changing Ciaran hms. Well, we can toss his toes in the ocean, at least.

Frunkle Urnborn says “Good long, Emily. So bye. Al's feet are sane. Though, I can't say the same for Kuroiten's.”
Not Just Kuroiten recomposes. “Then all hell broke loose. Pink, coconut-scented hell. Emily departs.”
The Fetching Emily Pence sniffles and wipes at her eye. “That… that was beautiful.”
Hiraniva is touched. In possibly dirty ways.
Frunkle Urnborn is upstaged! He throws smoke bombs and sneaks away.

Returning Contestant Eieau walks into town, takes one look and curses. The booze hall's open, but the banks are closed. She's definitely in Squat Hole, all right.

<TW>The Dastardly Genteel RP Whistle follows, passing the doll from hand to hand. “Mister Baloney speaks to your age group. He is trending like hotcakes. You will learn the power of suggestive marketing. You will learn to clutch Mister Baloney to your bosom as a trusted compatriot.”

<SPARC>Stephenopolis growls mischievously and picks this moment to pounce Rykar! If you can't beat a kitty at his own game- prey on someone completely unrelated! He gracefully leaps up, all his weight heading straight for the sweatered man!
<AIB>Enquiring Shi makes plummeting noises, complete with panicked air-hostess announcements and not-very-reassuring messages from the pilot.
<AIB>Sweatered Rykar stares at Harris and shi, his knees rising to be encircled by my arms. He's going from 'bewildered' to 'terrified'. “Wh-what? I don't- whaaaat?” Oh jesus it's a Stephen in his face oh lord.

Jaymin mutters “How can one end up in a new place and immediately find themselves in a fight with the Pope?”
<Wise>Lieutenant General Alexander Quandle mutters “Well Galilleo managed quite well. :o)”

Justa stares. Her mouth opens, a word peeps out, “Whuh.”
Wonderfully Micha mumbles, “Gonna start charging for this, make a killing.” She waves Justa over. “Lick my face for charity! Helpin' needy rookies! And then we're drinking!”
Fire N' Ice Phoenix Suziku turns to CLOG, then back to Micha. “Is it trying to say something to me?
Wonderfully Micha tells Suziku, “The monkey robot wants your name. Pretty straightforward, 'fyou ask me.”

Nocturnal Shi nods. insanity is a medical state, whereas lunacy is a descriptive word. :)

Floats like a butterfly leporidae menk's tail flicks can fly, not well. only try once.
Abundantly Ari nodnods, “I cannot at all, I just fall usually, or someone catches me, that hurts less when that happens”
Floats like a butterfly leporidae menk flaps his wings slowly, maybe he should try again. He can actually get them to move in unison now… on purpose!!! hard fly when no wings.
Abundantly Ari nods, “Flapping your arms does not slow you down much at all, except when you hit branches and that hurts”

IN KITTANIA, IN WHICH 'PENIS' WAS BEING SAID, AND A BALLAD WAS SUNG ABOUT IT:

Corporal masterofq looks to the 'morphs and lights up.He asks “Are you ,um, having a couple rounds of, er, Yell the Genitalia?”

Pirate Queen Carlynne takes this opportunity to assist, singing loudly, sharply, and raspily some awful mixture of Irish pub songs and sailor shanties. It could be easily mistaken for someone stepping on, well, a badger.
Delirious Methuselah clasps Aly's hand in both of his before going back to his daisies and dandelions. “I'm Methuselah! Nice to meet you.”
Corporal masterofq shrugs and starts singing a list of all the sticky things he's found on the Island.

Marly yowls as she gets pelted with a tomato right in the gut. “I'VE BEEN SHOT!”

Sergeant Floper the Third's kitten mewls and starts licking the colors! Oh the scandal! … Wait, this is Kitt, nevermind.

Pirate Queen Carlynne scratches her armpit and gropes around for her skull-opening saw. She frowns when she realizes she left it in her other badger. Car looks to Arxe “Y'gat a saw what fer crackin' skalls? I've an autapsy t'dae.”
Marly the corpse doesn't like this game anymore.
Whim sits up and does the most sensible thing- she sticks her tongue out at Floper, then complains, “You scared the pig-bird away.”
Master Bard Arxe gets up, realizing there would be no fanfare for the achievement. “Eeeeh, no I haven't a saw, sorry. Haven't seen a saw nearby either. Saw one the other day though…” He shakes his head. “Sides, I'm sure the missus is fiiiine…”

Kettlecake says “oh man. it's really quiet around 4 am, huh?”
Kettlecake says to nobody. effects of said quietness? WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT.

Flare Arrow runs away with his Lucky Charms before anyone can get a word in edgewise about it.

Jaja baps Lysanne with a cookie, then saus “Hello.”
Jaja said, hello. Who knows what sausing is.
Oh, look! Omega says “Hi.”
Lil' Miss Anita saus “Heya!” She wonders what said is.
Cissy thinks sausing is some sort of interpretive dance, perhaps.
Jaja goes with that definition, and starts dancing around in a sausage like manner.
Cissy says “Then again, it could be ageless sausage. It's a dance for all ages! The ageless saus dance!”
Oh, look! Omega is eating lunch. Nom, nom, nom.
Jaja goes “Yay!” from the floor, obviously a sausage dance involves just laying down.

tooth warrior Shi blinks. “that, uhh… 's gone now though, right? left all your thoughts where you want them?”
Isaac nods. “Yeah, I'm okay now…”
tooth warrior Shi nods solemnly. “good. can't let the voices think they're in charge, yessir?” ever considered following your own advice, cruelbshut up.
Creyton says “I had a thought once. It was nice. I cleaned it and washed it and fed it treats every day.”
tooth warrior Shi smiles at mister Creyton, flopping back over on her side. “did it grow into something?”
Creyton purses his lips. “It might've. I got distracted, and now I can't pronounce my _'s.”
Isaac chuckles.

BatMorph Drifter falls from the sky, admist cries of “How do you steer, how do you steer?! Oh god, look out!” He cries as he barrels past–well, more like through–a small gathering only to crash head first into the fountain, slowly getting to his feet.

[03d20h]Contestant Dave Liu groans ” PAAAAAIIIIIINSSSS”
[03d20h]Contestant Dave Liu has his arms sown back on!
[03d20h]Contestant Dave Liu moans, “THAAAAAANKSSS”

Bastard Pirate Black Jacques Chirac bellows, “Oh, a Pirate is grand, a pirate is strong. A pirate's got a willy near one foot long. A pirate'll hit ye, a pirate'll bite. Ye won't beat a pirate, cuz he cheats in a fight.”
Accomplice Teh Dave dances through the street, or at least that's what it looks like, as he avoids the filth and detritus around to the best of his ability. He grins as a mood strikes him, and bellows out, “A pirate is strong, a Pirate is grand. A pirate'll beat you with only one hand. A pirate'll cheat ya, a pirate'll steal. You won't like a pirate, 'cause he's just a heel.”

[03m11s]Don't you dare judge Misery, don't you DARE. The Island is a WEIRD PLACE, OKAY? You make do, you find the little things in life, and then HE gets to watch because someone forgets to fuzz the cameras, lock the doors, or what public means.
[03m09s]Harris's servos speed out with praticed ease, seizing and righting the toppling man. 'Sorry about him“, they agitatedly sign to him. 'He thinks with yogurt instead of brain.'
[03m06s]Spirited Sneaky hates dickweeds. He spends many a sunny afternoon out in the front yard pulling them up.
[02m09s]Harris meanwhile, finished climbing over Sneaky's feet (among others) to swat at empty space again. By the look on his face, it is to no avail.
[02m04s]Spark thinks probably that is because Sneaky does not know how to make an appropriate marinade.
[01m55s]Siwa nods, and the nervousness seems to drain out of her shoulders. He knows who she is… well, that saves her the awkward explanation. “Yes, Iiiii just wanted to say hi,” and then the pale coldthing is ritht there and she's shuffling away a bit.
[01m32s]Spark loves Misery, too.
[03m16s]And Misery loves COMPANY, love. You up for it?
[03m06s]The flicker becomes faster, and then becomes slower, and then becomes a pan, spinning between two hands. The green-eyed person spins and waits.
[03m00s]Spark does not believe she has the stamina.

SCIENCE! Rider voice crackles over the radio. “Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace. Checking in. I don't see- oh, hello kitty. What's a nice- OH MY GOD! GETITOFFGETIT-” Static. Gunshot. ”-and fucking stay dead. Damn Zombie kittens.“

[10h49m]Cuddly Kitty Kass looks around. 's all blurry again… I'm gettin' my blood on the nice wall…
[10h48m]Milo Yew obviously disapproves of bleeding all over the walls. He shambles forward in his most hasty fashion and bends (creak, groan) to offer the young man an arm to haul him up.

[09h48m]Corporal Jacquelyn pauses a moment to check the wind, fat lot of good that'll do her. Weather's so picky around here. Could thunderstorm any moment. Or rain pumpernickel bread. She snorts, grinning at the thought. Pumpernickel showers in the morning.
[09h47m]Corporal Jacquelyn flips her hair back, walking once more. “With a thirty percent chance of rubber ducks towards noon. Watch out for isolated banana slugs towards nightfall.”

Little LoonyToony Jack Bogarth is peeling off some of the cotton candy from his butterfly net, when he notices a fast moving midget yelling something about tricks and feet. Well this cant be good… so he does the only logical thing presented to him. RUN! “Ahhhh!”
Costumed Zefrieus's Cat makes it to the top of the wall without incident. He carefully places his bucket of tricks next to him, settles down, and watches the outpost below him with a narrow eye. His ears perk towards the yelling fellow.
Costumed Zefrieus cheers as her quarry initiates a chase! This is clearly the most fun way to get candy. She barrels after him, hardly slowed by the drapes of toilet paper in her path. Hooray!
Marly frowns at Bogarth. He's a member of his crew so she should help him, right? But he's yelling like a loon, so he's attracting Trouble. On the other hand, she reflects, he's a loon, and loons can fly, so he's safe. Satisfied with her logic,
Marly leans back in her tree until she realizes that flying things land in trees. “Well, fuglimbersplints…” she says, dropping out of the tree and almost landing on the toon.

Caveman Max says “OOK?”
Caveman Max Does not know what to make of the strange vessel he has arrived in. All he wanted was to find a mate!
Caveman Max starts to sniff around, searching for a compatable female. Alas!
Caveman Max puts his primitive butt on the floor and starts to brood.
Caveman Max says “Ugh”
Caveman Max says “Hmmmm”
Caveman Max says “Ugh?”
Caveman Max says “Nah…”
Caveman Max takes out his bone carveing knife and trys to sculpt some spare ivory.
Caveman Max Succeds! He has carved a banana out of mammoth ivory!

OUTPOST NOTICEBOARD:

Found : One odd shaped board with a map of the island on it. Used as weapon in jungle and was disappointed by lack of damage it dealt before breaking in half. Left around the corpse of a Moose, which I had to punch to death after board broke.
A handrawn poster has been tacked up, covered entirely with crayon-drawings of insects, except for the meagre space in which the lettering is squashed together: JOKERS. If you can do jokertricks please come see me. mind stuff please.
Found: One broken board that seems to have a ripped and shredded map on it. Many bite marks, smells faintly of Moose. No sign of any Moose corpse. Threw it away before the previous notice was found. Apologies.
Found: Badly hurt Moose. Nursed it to back to health and taught it the ways of the 'Squating Midget, Clawing Kittymorph'. Last seen heading off into the island to take revenge against those who wronged it.
Eaten: A Moose with pretensions to the martial arts. His Kung Fu was weak, but his flesh was quite toothsome next to a side of mashed potatoes and gravy.
Lost: Side of mashed potatoes and gravy. Last seen riding into the jungle on the back of yesterday's rancid meat.

Corporal BEN THE MAGNIFICENT wonders, “Since when do crazy old men carry stun guns and funny brain wands?”
Harris strikes a pose atride two shipping crates like the Colossus of Rhodes. “Since THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTA!”
Contestant Kingstone looks up excitedly.
Contestant Kingstone says “Ooh, someone else. I'm not alone!”
Harris' crotch is abruptly “shipped” with a low-flying seagull.
Contestant Kingstone says “Ouch.”
Harris tumbles overboard with a squeak. His servo arms sign to the other Kittymorph. 'Hello. Are you sane?' Then bionics and anthropomorph hit the water.
Contestant Kingstone laughs heartily, then strokes his tail. “Look at the silly man, Connie.”

[03h05m]Guacho says “i say”
[03h05m]Guacho says “i gotta stop talking to myself”
[03h05m]Guacho says “yes, tes you do, but here on this…how did the people call it?”
[03h04m]Guacho says “failboat”
[03h04m]Guacho says “yeah, that…is i was saying, here on this failboat there doesnt seems to be much else to do”
[03h02m]Guacho says “maybe we can go down to the cages again and chat with ourselves…again”
[03h02m]Guacho says “why are you saying “we” its “i”,man you are loosing it”
[03h02m]Guacho says “no, YOU are loosing it, whatever IT is. im perfectly stable…considering this whole clusterfuck of probability”
[03h01m]Guacho says “you can say that again..or,well, i can say that again, man i should've learn how to figth on the real world”
[03h01m]Guacho says “lets take a nap”
[03h00m]Guacho says “you know we are gonna dream about that girl…whatshernam? the brunette who died cause you said you could show her how to figth”
[03h00m]Guacho says “shut up,im going to sleep.”
[02h58m]Guachogoes to sleep.
[02h54m]Guacho wakes up screaming LOOK OUT FOR THE GARDEN GNOMES!!
[02h53m]Guacho mumbles goddammit
[02h53m]Guacho goes back to sleep.

#158052 says “Ey CMJ. SET PARTIAL MEMORY maybe?”
Admin CavemanJoe says “Ey 158052, how the fuck do you have numbers in your name”

• “There's a difference between being improbable, and being stupid.” - Kassil

• “There are so many sporrans and most of them are lies.” - Ebenezer

• Strings are funny things. They can bind one object to another, or seperate two that are conjoined; they can lead you down winding paths or, in the right hands, create the sweetest music ever heard. In the deepest caves atop the highest mountains of the world, there even lives a sect of hermetic monks who claim that we and all things around us are but subtle vibrations on the great strings of the cosmos. If you ever find a string lying about, think about where it leads before you go tugging on the end. - Caleb

• Strings are importantsir! - Shi

• Dan's a bitch, and then you die, and the Watcher mocks you for it. - Perseid

• “Man what a stupid mutant. You choose something that HE gives you, he then takes his turn AFTER you've chosen, and you can STILL beat him? Sounds like my cousin.” - Citizen Neko

• “Forget your steaks! Forget them all. I will drink up the White Springs.” - Returning Contestant Awesome Fred

• “Oh for Goddess' sake Iri, put a damn fish in your ear.” - Bad Company Nikolai

• ” She's like a walking orphanage.“ - Rookie Tucker

• ”-it's actually kinda sad that I had to Google “sapiophilia.” - Admin CavemanJoe

• Suck it Farmville. We're curing cancer. - CMJ

• Imagine your full name, E-mail address, IP address, home address, and telephone number. And over this is a great big red rubberstamp label that says “GAY.” (NOTE: HUSBAND PROBABLY DOESN'T KNOW - FILE FOR FUTURE BLACKMAIL) - CMJ¹⁾

• I heard it is poison, and if you eat one you'll die of too many A's. you just go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and then you die. - Shi

• If you're not Bart, you should be safe from the bartender. - Rookie Ackthp

• Of all the improbable things on this island, the one that stands out the most is my inability to wear a jacket -and- my frilly pink panties. - Rookie Jeanne

• Are there any geneticists around here? I've been breeding tiny typo gremlins and I think if I get them tiny enough, we could slip them into viruses, and make typo flu. - Royale Badass duphenix

• “Dear stonehenge: You bastard. No love, fledermaus.” - Brigadier fledermaus

• Never ask a Joker what they're doing. They might tell you. - Claude Mercer

• Raine Bofirn already went over it with Eben. You come into the II offices, long caveman hair flowing…jacket over your shoulder, and aviator shades. Point. Wink. SECRETARIES SWOON. - Raine Bofirn

• Cadye is quietly, shyly, and entirely mad. - Character Biography: Cadye Willfan

• “Wait wait wait… each outpost has its OWN BANTER?!” –Zoinks, in Banter upon being shown a piece of Island history.

• “So help me I will slap you sensible. I know that will take much effort, considering, but I'm totally willing to put in the necessary amount of slaps.” –Mercury, in Banter