You might start off as a man ¹⁾,
But you fight just as hard as you can,
Run into the jungle, you fight and you fumble, and try to avoid getting baaaa-aaaanned!²⁾

Then later you get blown to bits,
And you wake up with two extra *ahem*,
All the possibilities of Improbability force their way into your bits!

But NewHome is full ³⁾ of noobs!
YES, NewHome is full of noobs!
Don't taunt them too much,
'cause you were once such,
And you were one hell of a rube,⁴⁾
SO! NewHome is full of noobs,
WOO! NewHome is full of noobs!
One day they'll be strong,
And it won't take too long,
And then they'll come looking for YOU! ⁵⁾

Thanks in part to a contest, there are many versions of this song one can enjoy.

• Max Dougwell's Rendition (some sort of electronic nonsense)
• Icterid's version (recorded live at the Prancing SpiderKitty)
• NewHome - The Network Mix (electronic instrumental, by Sessine)
• NewHome and the wizened old woman (old woman vocals, by Sessine)
• The NewHome Theme, in the spirit of William Shatner (soars like a majestic albatross, by Zolotisty)
• Wizened Old Woman / Network Remix (and ungodly combination of Sessine's previous works, by Sessine and Icterid)
• NewHome is full of Noobs by The Immortal Count of Saint Germain (for some reason the gallery page for this song malfunctions and will not play it)
• Laplacy's Version (with piano)