The Old Improbable Island Wiki

Started by Old Meat in the Raven Inn, this is an entire list of fun ABCs to teach to your children so that they too can learn the alphabet the correct way. ¹⁾²⁾

A
(3d4h) <DICE> Brigadier Old Meat absentmindedly carves a writing on the table: “A! A is for Abomination.”

B
(2d6h) <NBLUE> Contestant Nannerpuss says, “B! B is for Beer!”

C
(2d5h) <DICE> Brigadier Old Meat carves: “C! C is for Cigarette.”

D
(2d3h) <TBO> Newbie Scarlet Pirate says, “D is for disappointing, as in my lack of friends on Improbable Island.”

E
(2d1h) <KATS> Colonel Doro says, “E is for Everywhere. potential friends are everywhere.”

F
<QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “F is for failboat. It is like your second home”

G
(2d) <CDAG> Nurse Kellye Lady Akitsu giggles, deciding to jump on the bandwagon, after freeing Gorbert as a thank you. “G! G is for Ghost Wolves~!”

H
(2d) <DICE> Gorbert Vanhousserhoffen thinks G should have been for him.³⁾ “H. H is for Hurling Midgets across great distances.”

I
(1d14h) <CDAG> Major Frank Bernard says, “I is for Improbability Drive, of course. Now get back to your fox-holes, soldiers!”⁴⁾

J
(1d12h) <LLAMA> Lance Corporal Baka Dono says, “J is for 'JUST A FEW MORE TURNS! PLEEEEEASE!!'”

K
(1d10h) <KATS> Colonel Doro says, “K is for Kitties, cause Kittymorphs are the cutest.”

L
(1d8h) <QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “L is for lie⁵⁾. Or maybe luck⁶⁾”

M
(1d7h) Newbie Cessy says, “M is for the Magical Mystery Meat mount which makes me mind mushy, macabre mastication.”

N
(1d6h) <QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “N is for newbie. That is probably you”

O
(1d4h) <DICE> Iridescent Third Sicpuess scribbles. O! O is for orifices - gaping maws or coming from weapons.

P
(1d4h) <DICE> Gorbert Vanhousserhoffen says, “P. P is for Petra's tattoo Parlor. Collect them all!”

Q
(1d3h) <QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “Q is for Quest. Neverending…”

R
(1d2h) <DICE> Gorbert Vanhousserhoffen says, “R. R is for Rumbling Kittybikes Racing through the field.”

S
(1d1h) <DICE> Brigadier Old Meat carves: “S. S is for Sex, Drugs and Rock'n Roll.”⁷⁾

T
(1d) <CIA> The Masquerading James Bond ponders. “T is for telekenisis; a handy skill to have.” He then glares at Gorbert, eyeing him before he can swing another chair.

U
(21h41m) Returning Contestant DwoobieTheNwoobie groans as he wakes up again. “U. U is for Unbelieveably Massave Migranes, undulating unceremoniously under my uvula.” He blinks and frowns in contemplation. “Why did I just say that?

V

(20h28m) <SPOON> The Houdini Hedgehog Titus types a note and leaves it behind. It says: “V. V is for voles they are delicious”

W
(15h15m) <QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “W is for Watcher. She will totally kick your arse”

X
(8h30m) <DICE> Gorbert Vanhousserhoffen would remark that everything about this exercise is silly. “X. X is for X-chromosome. We all have at least one. Except maybe the mutants.”

Y
(5h5m) <QQQ> Contestan Gizmo says, “Y is for You.”

Z
(1h36m) <TBO> Newbie Scarlet Pirate says, “Z! Z is for. . .oh, crap.”⁸⁾⁹⁾
(1h32m) <CDAG> Capt Hawkeye SinkOrSwim grins. “Z is most certainly for the Soloist herself, Zolotisty”