The Old Improbable Island Wiki

First time here? See the editing notes at the bottom!¹⁾


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Wanted by the staff of the Enquirer: An artist of some merit, employed to, semi-regularly, provide this fine publication with a cartoon or illustration in the classical style. Inquire²⁾ within.	Tired of shopping for that awkward person? Tired of looking at the same old junk? Visit The Island Gift Shop for all your gifting needs!³⁾	_{Crescent Beach Limpet Nuggets Original Extra Crispy Deep Fried Barbecue A delicious alternative to brownies Available at Crescent Beach Titan Fightin' Lodge}
Tired of The Watcher's tyranny? Ready for a change? Sign up at Ashtu's Anarchy Annex, just south of Kittania, and join the glorious revolution! Or if you're just tired, we also have beds and coffee. Ashtu 2011/06/05 13:37	Lost and Found Found Outside PSK: blck/wht badger. v. aggressive. 8 legs. Mild smoker. Free to good home.	Need an Instrument? You don't have to settle for what you can find in the jungle! Visit Dizzy's Music at (16,11) for a wide assortment of handmade and improbably-crafted instruments!
BOOZE FOR SALE Price: 1 Wisdom per bottle Payment by truth, prose, poetry, lyricism, witticism or quotation. For sale at The Bingo Hall Yes, it's those GERM loonies again.	FOR SALE One 'Help Wanted' Sign. Slightly used. Possibly stolen from Omega.	Positions Available Immediate openings for 6 - 7 Clan Officers. Good Buffs, Excellent Benefits. Your awesome Hat is your only qualification. Check out <IIIII> Clan Description before you choose. Mongo 2011/06/06 09:02
Dear Oronte, I'm sorry, I don't know why I hit you like that I'd love to go out for drinks P.S. Only if your face isn't too bruised	DEAD ARTILLERY hardcore atomic fuzz-grunge and crust punk. 10 req cover, 5 req beers! at Miu-Miu's	Cheap Builder Brews For details check IC Prancing SpiderKitty Ask for the dealer.
To Whom It May Concern My dwelling burned down That's the second time this week. Please leave your WHOOMPS outside	Not strong enuff? Weak knees? Hardcore Midjit training Every monday at Midnight Bring plenty of req	Rewards Programme Are you on your first Rank 6\Rank 7\Bastard Rank? Then you are eligible to win fabulous prizes! Distract Maniak to join.
Wanted A tall well-built woman with good reputation, who can cook frogs legs, who appreciates a good fuc- schia garden, classic music and tal- king without getting too serious.	Emily, Please give me back my charm - eBoy	Rewards Programme You heard about the Programme but never found out how to properly join? Distract Omega Help Guaranteed (not really)
Finust Fud Un thu Islund Fud up wiv stakes? Ad ut up tu ere wiv “Nut und bury sulud”? Wunt sum real fud fur uh chunge? Cum tu Kebabs 'N'Shite thu ih-qulity rustrunt! Tu littres uv grese wiv uvry meal gurunteed!	Cleaning Lady Needed Must be good with mop. Bed and Board included. Apply at the Bingo Hall, _{Go below the stairs Then follow The stairs Down Bloody Great Hole! Tunneling Right St Righthere IHS Hospital Schindlers Lift Sodomy, Rumology & The Lashology}	MeEpEr's HoUsE of InSaNiTy! Home of Happy fun time jackets! “Hug yourself asleep!” 19,18
Peace and Quiet Needed Looking for a good pot of tea _{Not steeped too long, you blaggards.} Somewhere where the walls don't shake The earth doesn't quake And the mind won't break.	Awesome Fred's Stone Delivery Are you a dwelling startup that needs stone? I have loads, so stop mining. Just contact Awesome Fred with quantity and destination coordinates. he ded ded died ded	Rewords Program Find yourself using the same handful of words and phrases over and over again? You may be eligible for the rewords prog- ram! Contact your local thesaurus to apply.
Looking for that piece of scrap? Don't want to waste your cigs on the off-chance of getting the item you want? ^Try Wongo's Scrap Emporium (15,12), One East 1 Northeast of IC Large Stocks of All Scrap 25sp's of Hunters Lodge items per piece	Wool for sale Wonderful quality Colours and patterns available include Calico, Tiger, Ginger, White and Hedgehog Contact Crazy Audrey Bring your own shears.	Reward Program Have a lot of money but nobody to give? Head to Squat Hole You get to give your money, And you get free beatings.
Positions Available New circus has Immediate Openings for 6 - 7 close friends or intimate strangers Positions range from Cartwheeler, Cowgirl, Missionary to Dog. Excellent Health Benefits.	Found Dinner Very nervous, freshly fallen from sky Tasted of London Rain Don't bother searching for him, Redcollar Reclaimators	Enjoy travelling? Like to help people? Join the club! Why not bring Supply Crates from the deep oceans and jungles down to where Reqless Rookies can find them. Rally point: KIND tower [14,8].
Lonely in CC LF witty company, offers tea and TLCOYB, NS, GSOH. Bring your own brains.	SEARCHING FOR A PLACE OR A SITE? Look no more! All Places mapped and listed Improbable Island Land Registry Take a flier: tinyurl.com/ii-land-reg or goo.gl/bpkRR	I'll get you, my pretty, and your little mount, too!
Found ^{One Friendly Zombie Puppy Missing: Three Legs, One Ear, One Eye, Tongue Responds to the Name “Dumb Shite”}	For Sale One Wedding Ring Three Wisdom Teeth Slightly-bent Frying Pan Ring and Teeth in good shape Bonus: Book: How to Get Married to a Stranger in Three Easy Steps	Wanted: The advertisements here to have some goddamn contact information. I want to buy these things! Why won't you let me?! (Or just leave the info on my doorstep. That'd work too.)
EIE We can get you home. There is hope. Look near the mountains for The Pinnacle and inquire within.	The IIRS is asking for any information regarding sightings of the wild Improbable Supply Crate and its behaviour. Please contact your local scientist. _{Improbable Island Research Society Department of Ethology}	The Riding Lawn Mower! It slices! It dices! It goes slightly faster than walking speed! You want it! You need it! All the cool kids are riding one!⁴⁾ Coming Soon To Mike's Chop Shop
LOST: Bernard's speedos LAST KNOWN LOCATION: Bingo Caller's Spa If found, please return at Reception	Wanted: Someone who can put up with a Wolf Morphs constant shedding and uncommon fits of rage. Contact Lycan DavenStrife	Need a cool “new” sword? Maybe a weapon upgrade? Come visit Jon Titania's Scrap Emporium just one click north of Cyber City!
_{I was asked to make an ad instructions too difficult I'm stuck in the skronky pot please help}	VILLAINS FOR HIRE ATTENTION PROTAGONISTS! Are you a defender, a rescuer, a HERO? Are you a mover and shaker? What you need is a dedicated villain! Bespoke opposition is now available! Under the spreading chestnut tree, The Villain Smithy stands, ready to work with you to assure that your villain is appropriate to your RP character and forwards your RP story. Designed trouble scales range from street crime to trans-multiverse New World Orders. Distract Smithy. Posted 6/2/2015
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Enquire?

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Rest in Peace, Merch Store

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Just one. For all of them.