Mildew Skronky has an important job, delivering the famous handcrafted Skronky cigarettes to locations round the Island. The PSK in Improbable Central, the abandoned factory in CC 404, a few other places. This is valuable cargo, and she is not alone.

Cantankerous Biggs and Rambunctious Taylor are with her, as are Dogend, Thuggins, and Big Danny Skronky.

Mildew Skronky “Roit yu lut. Yu fulluw me, and kep yer ois upun fer uny rubbers. Yu cant trus unyun un thus Islund.” Taking Dogends cig off him and smoking it herself before going west out towards West Skronky Siding to catch the train.

Mildew Skronky finally manages to get everyone including the crate of fags onto the train. They look round carefully for potential thieves, and then settle down to enjoy the ride.

Mildew Skronky frowns as the train slows down and pulls to a halt shortly after leaving West Skronky Siding. “Wots goin on? We shudden be stuppin ere. Danny, yus go up frunt und see wots appunin.”

Big Danny Skronky runs off up the carriage on his errand. Suddenly…CRASH!! a squat flies in through a window and out the other side. SMASH!! another squats flies in another window, but this time hits the conductor and is brought to a halt.

Mildew Skronky is shocked! “Wot thu fackin shite wuz thut?” The two squats at the end of the carriage suddenly stop playing darts and run down towards the Skronkys' party and their precious cargo of cigarettes. The squat that came in the window stands up.

Mildew Skronky is addressed. “Aha! Utz Mildew Skronky! Ut lust oiv gut yu!” “Oo er yu?” The squat is now flanked by the two darts players. She turns round and drops her trousers, revealing what appears to be a nasty bruise but is in fact a tattoo.

Mildew Skronky and anyone else masochistic enough to get a close look recognise the tattoo as a zombie donkey. She lets out a gasp. “Thu McThuggers!”

Vulgaris McThugger cackles gleefully. “Yus! Thu McThuggers! Yer wors noitmur! Cum buck tu ant yu! Lut me untradoos mesels. Oim Vulgaris McThugger. Thes ur Bilge and Beltch McThugger.” indicating the two darts players, who look remarkably similar to each other.

Vulgaris McThugger pulls her trousers up again. “Und thiz iz Opprobrium McThugger!” as CRASH!! a third squat flies through a third window and knocks Rambunctious over. BANG!! BANG!! futher squats are evidently being catapulted at the train, and missing.

Vulgaris McThugger suddenly makes a grab for the crate of cigs. “Wez bin wutin uh lung tim fur thiz und wez tekin yer cigs! Wez gunna gut buck wuts urs! Squat Hole!”

Dogend Skronky tries to save the cigs. “Nut whul oim ere yuz dunt!” and he wades in, fists flying. Simultaneously the doors at the back of the carriage burst open and in storm several other McThuggers. Also, the train starts moving backwards.

Dogend Skronky, the rest of the Skronky crew and the McThuggers are involved in a fracas as the train driver tries to make good the trains escape from the ambush in which it has found itself.

Opprobrium McThugger takes up Dogend and Thuggins' attention so his sister Curmudgeon can reach the crate upon which she brings down a sledge hammer, smashing it wide open. That done, she grabs several packets of cigs and makes a run for it up the train.

Cantankerous Biggs sees Curmudgeon escaping and follows in hot pursuit. “Oi! Cum buck ere yu!” he follows her as she runs to the door to the next carriage, but instead of going through, she stops in the connection and climbs the ladder to the roof.

Cantankerous Biggs gives chase and climbs up after her onto the roof. He is almost there when he is suddenly kicked down again. Undetered, he climbs back up, in time to see Curmudgeon crawling away down the roof as the train picks up speed.

Cantankerous Biggs starts to follow her, crawling unsteadily along the roof top. He suddenly catches up with her rather faster than he was anticipating as the train goes into a low lying tunnel.

Cantankerous Biggs and Curmudgeon McThugger are both knocked off the top of the roof and into the jungle, where they are recovered by failboat crews.

Dogend Skronky, meanwhile, is still fighting off Vulgaris, Mildew and Scumbelly are being held off by Opprobrium, Big Danny is being overpowered by the twins Bilge and Beltch, and Thuggins is running for it, trying to stash some cigs for himself in the confusion.

This leaves Pandemonium to grab the cigs that are rolling about on the floor. She grabs as many as she can, stuffing them in all manner of pockets before climbing on a seat and jumping out a window.

Dogend Skronky fights on. As does everyone else. They're squats in a fight now, everything else is forgotten. The fight continues until almost everyone drops from exhaustion, whereupon the conductor and driver between them manage to push them out at the next stop. They're the failors problem now.

The driver and conductor don't on the other hand push out the cigs. Wahey! Carrying round filthy squats can have it's compensations sometimes.

For more stories of squats, see here.