Written by Rob Anybody, to the tune of “The Love Boat”

Failed, beaten and blue
Come Aboard. We're expecting you!
Failed, you're thrown on board.
Equipment gone, and your backpack to.

The Failboat soon will be making another run
The Failboat cocoa and retention for everyone
Due to your mis-adventure,
Your mind on a new chance.

At new day it won't hurt anymore
Or fight your way, in a cage, back to shore.
You Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed! You Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed

The Failboat soon will be making another run
The Failboat cocoa and retention for everyone
Due to your mis-adventure,
Your mind on a new chance.

At new day it won't hurt anymore
Or fight your way, in a cage, back to shore.
You Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed! You Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed You Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed!
It's the FailBoat! It's the FailBoat!