The Old Improbable Island Wiki

Teague is quite the accomplished engineer, and he is capable of making a lot of things engineering-wise. After all, he's been several different types of engineers and had quite a few different skill sets over the course of his island career, the most important of which is definitely his technokinesis. What's Technokinesis, you ask?¹⁾ The ability to make, modify, and move around technology with one's mind.^2)3)4)5)6)7) It took him awhile to get to being a full-blown technokinetic, but it was well worth it.⁸⁾

Teague will typically accept Requisition, items, or scrap metal as payment for making requested items. The amount varies based upon how valuable the requested item is.

All newly made products have Improbability in them. This may result in unwanted effects from those products. If you had any of these products made before this warning was added, said products should not be affected, but ones made after this warning are still susceptible to the improbable effects.⁹⁾¹⁰⁾ In addition, prolonged exposure to the island may very well have caused said “unaffected” products to become improbable enough to exhibit the same effects. All footnotes starting with an IW stand for Improbability Warning and list known common improbable occurrences with said product.¹¹⁾

These drones are very compact! Despite their small size, they come with a variety of armaments, including small guns, force-fields, tractor beams, recording equipment, or medical equipment! They'll also be able to follow you around while floating in the air and respond to voice commands! Because sometimes all you need is an extra set of hands!¹²⁾¹³⁾

1. Gun Drone: Has two small improbability guns attached on the underside of it that help you out while you're fighting!¹⁴⁾¹⁵⁾
2. Shield Drone: Has a internal, spherical forcefield that deflects projectiles fired at you! Said forcefield is centered on the drone itself.^16)17)18)
3. Cargo Drone: Need a hand? Well, hands are a bit impractical and costly¹⁹⁾, so why not have a tractor beam instead?²⁰⁾²¹⁾ This drone is quite capable of lifting heavy objects with its tractor beam! Or hands, if you really want those.²²⁾²³⁾
4. Surveillance Drone: Has a camera attached to it that records things going on around it. You also get a handheld remote control for it too-so you can control the drone from far away. Said remote control also has a small screen on it-how else are you going to see what the camera of the drone sees?²⁴⁾²⁵⁾

Is it a jetpack? Is it a backpack?²⁶⁾²⁷⁾ It's both! It is mostly dedicated to storage space, but the anti-gravity motors are more than enough to lift you into the air under a normal load! And even under an abnormal load, the backpack can still help by using its anti-gravity field to help lift the abnormal load up, albeit without flight capabilities.²⁸⁾²⁹⁾

Because rolling around in a ball is so much cooler than crawling! Just strap this around your waist and whenever you crouch, you'll reform into a ball of rolling awesomeness! It has a built-in gyroscope too, to keep you from getting dizzy! And all you have to do to go back is rise into a standing position.^30)31)32)

An upgraded version of the Morphbelt! This version allows you to transform into a rough motorcycle shape (Two wheels and a chassis) and roll around in that! Includes the same upgrades as the original Morph-Belt! Plus, you can even carry somebody on you in the alternate form this belt provides!³³⁾³⁴⁾

It's a gauntlet! That allows you to control nanobots! By thought alone! Isn't that cool? If you like nanobots, and you don't have any, you should definitely buy this!^35)36)37)38)

It's hard being stealthy. You've got to be quiet and remain unseen. Fortunately, the Stealth Suit is here to help. It has a sound dampening system, shadow generator, and Oder eliminator built-in. The sound dampening system actively calculates the sounds your suit will make, and makes them sound much quieter by generating the opposite sound-wave from the various speakers on it so the two sound-waves cancel out.³⁹⁾ The shadow generator literally absorbs light to make it where you can easily hide in plain sight!⁴⁰⁾⁴¹⁾ The Oder eliminator, is, well, self-explanatory.⁴²⁾

Ever feel your melee attacks need a little more punch? Just attach this power pack to your existing melee weapon, and you'll get an extra attack in for every wound you inflict! Just took down a titan? Enjoy slaughtering that swarm of hover leeches that just came up to you! Having trouble with that one enemy? You can stack attack on attack on attack until you miss!^43)44)45)

No Longer For Sale. All copies have been destroyed. No description is needed.

No Longer For Sale. Description Kept For Reference Purposes Only.⁴⁶⁾⁴⁷⁾

Are you a doctor? A medic? A paramedic? Well, this weapon is for you! Not only can it heal, it can hurt! And you can bring the pain⁴⁸⁾ right where it counts with the built in targeting system! Just aim at the target and look at the display screen built into the weapon until you see what you want to aim at, clearly displayed in text and pictures! If that takes too much time, just use the arrow buttons underneath the screen! It has three modes: Growth, Healing, and Damage. Enjoy using all three, and being the best combat medic ever to walk the earth!^49)50)51)

Do you prefer sitting back while your allies do the work? Well, instead of being criticized for doing nothing, try using this defensive weapon to protect them while you let them do the work for you! Just point it at who you want to protect, and a shielding beam will come out and make a forcefield around them!⁵²⁾⁵³⁾

Can't just pick one weapon? Why not have them all? With the Awesome Armory, you can! Just move your hands and body into the position you would use to hold a weapon, and a weapon of that kind will form out of plasma! Awesome, isn't it?^54)55)56)57)

Note: Weapon can fire improbable projectiles.⁵⁸⁾⁵⁹⁾

No Longer For Sale. All copies have been destroyed. No description is needed.

Nanobots are cool. Weaponized Nanobots are cooler. Weaponized Nanobots that can be fired out of a gun in a variety of patterns and disassemble anything they're fired at is one of the coolest things on the Island! With this adaptable weapon, which looks a lot like a high-tech rocket launcher, you can easily fire “Rockets”, spray your enemies with “Flames”, or fire barrages of “Bullets”. All made of nanobots that will take them apart, atom by atom, on contact! You can also select what you want to be taken apart, or switch the nanobots around to the Repair Mode!^60)61)62)63) Note: Not all functions are listed.⁶⁴⁾ You do not want to know all the functions.⁶⁵⁾⁶⁶⁾

This suit allows you to run really fast!⁶⁷⁾ But wait, there's more! With this suit, you can turn speed into a weapon! Just go against all normal common sense and run into your enemy! They'll feel like they've been hit by an aircraft carrier,⁶⁸⁾ and you won't feel a thing! Breaking Newton's Third Law can be insanely awesome!⁶⁹⁾ Plus, it's thin enough that you can wear it under your normal clothes without notice, but thick enough it can take a hit! And it comes in all the colors under the sun!⁷⁰⁾

• Form Factor

1. Slim & Tight⁷¹⁾
2. Thick & Bulky⁷²⁾
3. Normal Size⁷³⁾
4. Form-Fitting⁷⁴⁾
5. Stripperrific⁷⁵⁾

• Helmet Options⁷⁶⁾

1. No Helmet
2. Helmet with Tinted Visor
3. Helmet with Clear Visor
4. Tactical⁷⁷⁾ Helmet with Tinted Visor
5. Tactical Helmet with Clear Visor
6. Goggles and a Headset⁷⁸⁾
7. Tactical Goggles and a Headset⁷⁹⁾
8. Goggles⁸⁰⁾
9. Tactical Goggles⁸¹⁾
10. Headset⁸²⁾

• Colors

1. Red
2. Orange
3. Yellow
4. Green
5. Blue
6. Purple
7. Violet
8. Magenta
9. Pink
10. Brown
11. Black
12. Gold⁸³⁾
13. Bling⁸⁴⁾
14. Silver
15. White
16. Glow-in-the-Dark⁸⁵⁾
17. Other

• Upgrade your current suit of Power Armor with the software used in this suit⁸⁶⁾⁸⁷⁾

What's better than a beam weapon? A beam weapon that can be practically anything! The large crystal on the end of this weapon collects heat energy, and based upon how far the metal shield around it is spread⁸⁸⁾⁸⁹⁾, it fires different beams! There's a knob on the side to adjust what it's set to, and several convenient markings indicating features like a freeze ray, heat ray, standard lazer, lightning ray, and more! It also includes improbable features like a bubble ray, rubber ducky ray, flower ray, and more!⁹⁰⁾ It can be yours for the cost of 5 easy payments of 1 One-Shot Teleporter! Just 5 easy payments!⁹¹⁾

Warning: Glass Prisms are less durable than crystals.⁹²⁾

1. Pistol-Sized Version (Crystal)⁹³⁾
2. Pistol-Sized Version (Glass Prism)⁹⁴⁾⁹⁵⁾
3. Rifle-Sized Version (Crystal)⁹⁶⁾
4. Rifle-Sized Version (Glass Prism)⁹⁷⁾⁹⁸⁾
5. Heavy Weapon Version (Crystal)^99)100)
6. Heavy Weapon Version (Glass Prism)^101)102)