The Old Improbable Island Wiki

Where am I?

It's a question that Teague has asked himself before in his life. Once when he saw the lavish beauty of a tyrant's throne room, although nobody dared to call him that in public. Once when he thought his life over, and wondered what the point of it all was. Once when he was stuck 10 miles away from base, had no idea where to go to get back, and ended up having to use satellite dishes, which he knew pointed south, to give him a good enough sense of direction to get back.

Teague knew he meant it literally this time… and only the thought of him actually getting lost trying to find his way back to the tyrant's military base struck a similarity to his current situation. Part of him wanted to just lie there and deny he was there, but he had long since learned to suppress that with the greater part of himself and come to acceptance of the facts sooner. Well, as he could see them through his eyes.

He couldn't quite make out everything he saw, or heard, but he heard the jet plane flying overhead, and looked up. Looked like the same type he had been riding in earlier. Being in the Air Force generally meant you got to see a lot of planes. Actually flying one was a different story. And thus he wasn't afraid of the plane traveling overhead, being used to hearing them and all.

However, the explosions in the distance caught Teague's attention more readily. I need to get out of here, he thought immediately after hearing the eighth one go off. And thus he looked around quickly, spotting the outpost. That seems like a go–What's that camera doing here, and why is it looking at me?! Then Teague looked down, and gacked at his naked self. It sure took him awhile to notice that, but he got over it quickly. I just need to find myself some clothes quickly… and act like I'm not naked. Maybe I'd actually fool somebody, or maybe they just won't care.

Glancing over at the outpost, and hearing the seventeenth grenade go off so far, he knew he had to move. And he sat up, groaning loudly in pain, but gritted his teeth, let himself rest a bit, and prepared to move forward. Turns out that his time at boot camp turned out to be rather useful here. Yes, it hurts, but I need to get moving. It's going to hurt more if I get hit by one of those grenades. And then he glances up at the outpost and its crude wooden walls, wondering if he really wants to go over there. Best case scenario, they let the naked guy into that place. Worst case scenario… I'll probably have enough adrenaline running through me to run away very fast. And now that his back pains were at the level of “annoying”, he picked himself up, and just walked over to the outpost.

The Watcher watched in a brief moment of awe at the one new contestant that didn't seem to be a complete idiot right off the bat. And then regained her composure for the TV cameras, pacing over to the naked woman that fell out of the sky, and addressing her. Teague only addressed the second passing plane he saw over the area with a raised eyebrow and the thought of What the hell are they doing with this place?

As you can probably tell from the altered version of the intro scene for the island, Teague is not your normal contestant. I'll save the personality synopsis for later, as you've probably already gotten a good picture of who he is from just the above bit of writing. However, the one thing that might need explaining is Teague's extraordinary ability to just accept his current situation. Most of the time, he just figures, “It's still going to be this way even if I deny it, so might as well just accept it and move on.” This doesn't mean he's a robot… in fact, often he's unhappy about the change in his situation, but it does mean Teague tends to be more open-minded than most.

And for those of you asking “And he's managed to stay sane how?”, he attributes a lot of things to improbability… after he knew what that was.

The stern look on Teague's face clearly indicated he was going to take no monkey business as he walked over to the small hut besides the gate to Newhome. Seeing a man in the hut doing a crossword puzzle, he figured the inhabitants were friendly. That and he had yet to get shot at. After a few moments of powerwalking and taking a peek around the hut surprisingly silently, he decides he wants in.

“Open the gate,” he commanded, with an air of authority resembling a military sergeant. Which sharply contrasted with Teague's completely naked body.

This was unusual enough, even on the island, for the man to actually look up from the newspaper with a questioning look. “Who are you?” He seemed quite baffled here.

“Teague. Now open the gate,” he replied promptly, glancing over at it. The surprised reaction didn't phase him. On the scale of surprised reactions, that one was a relatively good one.

The man stared at Teague for a few moments, as if sizing him up. Recognition never hit his face. “Sorry, I don't have a form filled out for you yet,” he says as he digs out another form. “Mind repeating that?”

Teague wasn't in the mood to deal with this. “Teague.” And as he sized the gate up, he could tell it was lower than some of the walls he climbed in boot camp. “Now open the gate before I climb over it,” he dictates, understandably frustrated for an impatient man who knew what he wanted.

The man wrote the name down, making a half-assed attempt to pretend he didn't hear that last part. Even he could tell he wasn't going to keep Teague waiting for long, so instead of pretending he couldn't tell what age and gender Teague was, he just checked off that the adult was older than 18 and a male. “Now I just need your email address, mate,” he stated.

Teague glanced at the raw bark of the logs the gate was composed off. Feeling that scraping against his skin was already seeming preferable to putting up with this. “What use do you have for an email address anyways?” he growled.

The man huffed softly. Teague was a difficult one, he already knew it. “…In that case, just give me a code,” he grumbles, not even looking over at Teague.

“Forget it!” Teague replied, already climbing the gate now, pulling himself up.

“Could you repeat that?!” the man shouted back.

“Forget it!” Teague hollered back, having already decided he's done with dealing with that old man. Now laying on the narrow gap between the gate and the deck of the walls above it, barely big enough for him to fit inside, he quickly brings himself down on the other side.

Back at that little hut, the man fills out “Forget it” for the code.

Teague's mind was already on getting some clothes once he touched the ground at the other side of the gate, ignoring the scrape marks he had on his skin. Or, it would've been if he hadn't seen a pair of rather large men staring at him from inside a hut. Teague stares back for a few moments, wondering what they want and if they're hostile.

Eventually, the first man breaks the silence by saying “Couldn't wait for the gate to open?” The second states, “You know that's frowned upon here, right?” The two men were so close Teague couldn't react in the 2 seconds it took for them to walk over to him and pick him up gently. (Standard human reaction time is 2.5 seconds.) Teague was impressed by their gentleness as they took him inside the hut.

“I can walk,” he protested simply. “What's this about anyways?” Teague couldn't help but think: If only I could get this treatment all the time.

The two men didn't put Teague down, instead gently setting him down on a well-padded chair. “It's about an implant. You won't last five minutes out there without one, petal,” a feminine voice says behind Teague. Teague looks behind him to spot the kind-faced woman, “I apologize for their behavior,” she says, glancing over at the men, “but too many contestants resist violently towards getting an implant.” She holds out several tiny computer chips to Teague.

“Explain to me how this works and I won't react violently,” Teague states simply. Once he knew what was going to happen and whether it would work, he'd be comfortable.

“Just pick an implant. You should know you're really very, very lucky, with these being pre-EMP technology,” she states.

Teague sighs. Not the answer he was looking for. He wanted to know about how the process worked. “So where and how is that implant going to be placed?”

The woman tuts, smiles, and draws out a large drill, as if doing the latter would answer the second part of Teague's question. “In your brain, silly!”

Teague frowned. Yes, being security minded… Teague knew having that drill in his head wasn't good for his security. Neither was trying to fight off those two big men in the room, a battle he knew he would surely lose. He was never known for his physical strength for any length of time. He figured that this was a rather non-negotiable situation, so he decides to play a game of 20 questions.

“Do these implants work?”

“Of course they do, silly!”

“Are you a licensed doctor?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes it does.”

“No, but I've done this plenty of times,” she says reluctantly.

“What's your failure rate?”

“What failure rate?”

“Have you ever failed a surgery?”

“No, of course not, silly!”

Teague gave the woman a bamboozled look. “How does that even work…?”

The woman shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe improbability or something. Ask Mister Stern, he might know.”

Teague started to get up, but was forced back down. “Now?”

“No, after you get your implant, silly!”

“I'm probably going to forget that name…” Teague knows he's particularly bad with names.

“I'll remind you on the way out.”

Teague thinks for a moment, then asks, “Have the implants ever actually failed to work?”

“No, silly! Not unless you try to use them when they have no charge!”

Teague makes a mental note of that. “What are these implants, again?”

The woman describes the first implant: “This is your basic Chemical Pack implant. This one is a Combat-orientated Implant, and doesn't have any use outside of a combat situation. It's basically a set of three little vials inside your head, with doses of morphine, adrenaline, and another little secret. It's powered by endorphins and adrenaline, so the more you get hurt, and the longer you go without medical help, the more you'll be able to use the Implant. The effects are quite weak, but it's at its most useful when you're in desperate need of it.”

Teague blinks. Since when did she become the exposition lady? He thinks that over for a few moments. “And the other one does what?”

“This, here, is a Spatial Awareness implant. As you grow in strength and combat efficacy, you'll learn how to use it in combination with your own heightened senses. This Implant works just like the old Season One implants, if that means anything to you. It's a very simple Implant, good for beginners. It's only good for combat use,” the lady explains.

Teague nods, processing the information. “And you've said that you've never failed to implant these successfully?”

“Yes,” she replies kindly. Teague smiles slightly at her patience. Must be nice getting a contestant that doesn't resist violently… although he can also see why it could be annoying to get one that asks questions. He thinks it over… and decides he'd rather use the Chemical Pack implant. A little adrenaline could go a long way towards aiding a potential escape.

“Chemical Pack, please,” he states simply.

After an admittedly short surgery and the odd feeling of having a hole drilled into his head without any antiseptic, as well as the implant being placed into his brain while conscious… he walks out of the place feeling… pretty okay, actually. They managed to patch up that hole pretty well too.

Teague used to have a lot of diverse, interesting robots at Mobile Base Alpha, nearly all of which were unique. Except an executive decision by the Watcher meant that all but one, Kex, disappeared. That being said… the non-unique ones still have slight personalities of their own, although one is often similar to another.

Which happens to be quite useful for roleplaying them! The robot's descriptions (and that of the golems) are included below.

There are no robots currently in this squadron

These robots are naturally highly analytical, and very capable of answering questions about the robots at the base. They're also programmed in with knowledge about various engineering tasks. They have the following gear and equipment:

• Combat Plating. This is some thick armor plating, offering excellent protection against most attacks. It's not impenetrable, but it can take a beating. Pretty standard.
• Servo Pack. There are four servo arms on this servo pack, two with clamps, one with a flamethrower, and one with an arc welder/plasma cutter combo. Useful for fixing things.
• Boltgun. This weapon fires soda-can sized rounds that explode on impact, and are easily capable of blowing off a limb or two. The bullets penetrate light armor like it was nothing. Quite the clunky weapon.

These robots are oddly the more thoughtful ones. They like to read, and like to daydream as well. They're also quite capable in melee combat too, so don't underestimate them. Although they can hold a decent conversation too. They have the following gear and equipment:

• Combat Plating. This is some thick armor plating, offering excellent protection against most attacks. It's not impenetrable, but it can take a beating. Pretty standard.
• Jetpack. It's a jetpack. It allows these robots to fly. These robots are quite skilled at using their jetpacks, after all, it was programmed into them. There's not much more to say about this.
• Laspistol. It may be a very boring weapon, but it recharges using solar power, so it never truly runs out of ammo.
• Chainsword. It's a combination of a chainsaw and a sword. Not much else needs to be said here.

Made from the metal of the crates the Faux-crete was delivered in, these golems have more finely crafted hands than most, and thus are capable of actually using and firing guns. They're not very talkative, but follow orders from their commander, Teague, and Kex, the most senior robot, readily. They're also incredibly durable, and only erasing the mark on their forehead, or completely destroying them, will take one out. They have the following equipment and gear:

• Iron Body: Explained above. You can only truly kill one if you erase the mark on its head, or completely destroy it. It is possible to incapacitate them, though.
• Machine Gun: It's a machine gun with a rather large clip, and plenty of ammo available. The clips are easy to slide in and out of the gun, but otherwise it's a reliable, fully functional machine gun. Useful for taking on mobs of monsters.

These golems are made like one might expect a golem to look like, with clunky, somewhat functional hands able to grip a sword or the like, except they're also made of a highly resilient black substance called Faux Crete. It's hard to crack, with heavy weapons only causing a little damage to them. They follow both Teague and Kex loyally, and have the following gear and equipment:

• Large Broadsword: It's a ridiculously large broadsword that this golem is apparently able to carry quite easily. In fact, it's big enough it can do as much blunt damage from a strike as it can cutting damage.
• Faux-Crete Body: Explained above. You can only truly kill one if you erase the mark on its head or destroy it completely. The latter's extremely unlikely to happen, and it's pretty hard to target it's head long enough to do the former when it's charging at you to swing its sword. Especially with an attack strong enough to scuff or erase the mark.

These golems are particularly useful for taking out heavy infantry and enemy vehicles. And Panthzers. They're made of Faux-Crete, which is an incredibly resilient substance that's hard to crack, and are incredibly loyal to both Kex and Teague. They can also use their rocket launchers to rocket jump, firing a rocket at their feet before jumping up into the air. Since they're made of faux crete, they take little damage from that. They also have more detailed hands so they can handle a rocket launcher and its ammunition. They have the following equipment:

• Faux Crete Body: Explained above. You can only truly kill one if you erase the mark on its head or destroy it completely. The latter's extremely unlikely to happen, and it's pretty hard to target it's head long enough to do the former when it's either firing a rocket at you or rocket jumping. Especially with an attack strong enough to scuff or erase the mark.
• Space Marine Issue Rocket Launcher: It may be relatively futuristic technology, but it's quite practical too. Primarily because it's so quick to reload. It carries Frag, Krak, and Flakk missiles, and the golem can choose which it wants to use to take out a target. It's quite adaptable too.

There are no robots currently in this squadron

There are no robots currently in this squadron

There are no robots currently in this squadron

This squadron needs a name change… because all of the android medicbots here are female. Well, apparently so. They wear medic outfits and care deeply for one's health, but they also like to talk and chat with other contestants, and are reasonably average in this regard. They're typically quite positive most of the time, although that typically changes when faced with a particularly nasty medical case. They have the following equipment:

• Medkit: This medkit has a ton of various healing salves. There are medical salves for nearly any medical problem imaginable, clearly labled. And it has enough space for all of them, thanks to Teegra's hammerspace capabilities. She's also the one that supplied the salves.
• Nurse's Outfit: It's a nurse's outfit. It's not a sexual outfit, due to Teague's preference to avoid sexbots, but rather it's a white dress skirt with a red plus sign on each shirt sleeve. And some underpants, and a small medical hat.
• Android Body: Being an android… while certainly squishier than most robots, they can also heal much faster than a normal human. Most wounds heal within seconds due to their analogue for blood being nanobots which aid in self-repair. They also have a section of their brains dedicated to sending and receiving radio transmissions. Otherwise, they look, move, and act like they're human. The main tip off is their camera eyes.

These guard bots are the ones you'd see most often around Mobile Base Alpha. They don't mess around, and if they see a fight, they will try and stop it. Violently if necessary. The only spot they allow fighting to happen openly at Mobile Base Alpha is at the Far Side of the Base. Otherwise, they act as your typical security guards, defending the base from monsters and the like. They have the following equipment:

• Clockwork AK-47: This is pretty much what it sounds like. An AK-47 with clockwork elements. It's bolt action, however it fires rounds that can penetrate any armor. Making it quite the useful weapon.
• Combat Plating: This is some thick armor plating, offering excellent protection against most attacks. It's not impenetrable, but it can take a beating. Pretty standard.

As you may already know… Teague has more than one of him running around the island. You can thank the Teague's Future Self that decided killing contestants for no reason was pointless for that. And considering who Teague is… such a thing isn't that improbable… although the general idea itself is. This may not have been the first time this happened, but I'm aiming to make it entertaining. Note that Teague does not have a time machine, and thus cannot travel back and forth through time.

Due to the unique nature of two Teague's from different time periods existing at the same time, there's some unique rules regarding how such a thing works.

Rule 1: There is a general timeline that Future Teague remembers between Teague's current form and the path leading up to Future Teague's current form. It's not detailed enough for Future Teague to help Teague out with more than the basics of what might happen. Unless, of course, Future Teague has already experienced something.

Rule 2: The memories Teague gains that fill part of Future Teague's general memories of the gap between the two of them, merge. What this means is that if Future Teague just remembers himself DKing between the form Teague currently has and the moment Future Teague is currently in, and the current Teague talks to Bob before he DK's, Future Teague will remember himself talking to Bob as it happens. Well, as soon as he recalls the memory, that is.

Rule 3: Thoughts do not travel backwards. This means that Future Teague's memories do not go back to Current Teague's memories… unless Current Teague happens to gain the form Future Teague once had. Then Current Teague's memories of the current time will start merging with the similar memories Future Teague had of the same time… which will make Current Teague feel not following the same general timeline as Future Teague is wrong… not consciously, but as an odd feeling inside him. Like something's horribly off, and he can't quite place it.

Rule 4: There is no rule 4.

Rule 5: Future Teague's memories and Current Teague's memories update in real time. Which means the instant Current Teague does something, Future Teague can remember it, provided he actually tries to recall it.

Rule 6: Future Teague has to actively recall the time Current Teague is going through in order to notice any changes.