The Old Improbable Island Wiki

Sewage Skronky is still worried about Squat Hole's standing in Island life. The one way system has been a great success, and no one could deny that Squat Hole has the very latest of modern traffic control systems¹⁾.

Sewage however, still has a sneaking feeling that the Hole is not as highly regarded as it should be. That some misguided people still fail to recognise Squat Hole for the great metropolis that it is.

Sewage, as luck would have it, sees the same rookie who was making disparaging comments about the old road system. It seems that he's been sent here on a DanQuest.

Sewage decides to have a 'friendly chat' with the rookie, who had been desperately hoping, that he could slip in and out unnoticed. No such luck today.

Sewage Skronky: “Oi! You! Git ere!” “M…m…me?” “Yus yu! I wunna tak wiv ya.” The rookie looks a little like a rabbit stuck in headlights, and shuffles forwards. He's no longer in control of his own feet.

Sewage Skronky: “Roit yu. Yu wuz takin bout 'muden ci'ies'.” “No, no, Squat Hole is wonderful, I wouldn't say anything against it.” “Wot else duz mudern ci'ie ave then?” The rookie starts to babble.

Sewage listens as the rookie starts saying the first thing that comes into his head. “Er, muden, I mean modern cities? Um, they have bus services! And revolving restaurants!”

Sewage Skronky: “Revulvin resrants? Hmm.” “Yes! High up, on the tops of towers so you can see the whole city laid out below you!” This has given Sewage ideas. “Roit. Yu cun go nu.”

Sewage pushes the rookie sprawling into the mud, where he picks himself up and runs for the comparitive safety of the jungle. Meanwhile, she lays plans in her head.

Sewage Skronky shouts “Dogend! Shagnasty! Impudencia!” and goes looking for said people.

Time passes and scaffolding appears in the town square, with sheets round it so that it can't be seen what's going on inside. From time to time Dogend and Thuggins Skronky come in and out.

Finally the work in Squat Hole town square is finished. There is a grand opening ceremony with all of the most important people in Squat Hole invited. Tynan from the gym.

Sewage Skronky herself, obviously, along with some of the other senior Skronkys. Tiffny Figg and Devvo from the Dojo.

Sewage also invited the manager of the Squat Hole branch of the bank, but he suddenly remembered an important meeting with the bank CEO in Improbable Central and left in a hurry.

Sewage Skronky and the other VIP's are all there, as are crowds of squats, to watch the opening ceremony. Sewage feels that there ought to be some sort of ceremony involved, so she makes a speech.

Sewage Skronky: “Evrybudy. Welcum to the upunin of Squtule's la'es' marvel. Wur well und truly pruvd tu be the grutust ci'ie un earth wiv ur umuzin sky srupin rivulvin rusrunt.”

Sewage pulls the sheets off to reveal the Island's first revolving restaurant. Designed by Shagnasty McAlistair, built by Dogend Skronky, run by Impudencia Skronky. Skronky Towers!

Technical Sergeant jthe marvels at the Towers. “Very shiny,” he acknowledges, then goes back to sleep.

Sewage is pleased by the reaction as everybody oohs and awws at the truly sky scraping tower. Almost ten feet high! With a wide room on the top. The restaurant itself.

Sewage Skronky is the first to climb up the ladder to get into the restaurant. The ladder sways, but holds. She is followed by the other VIPs, keen to be seen on this historic occasion.

Sewage and the other VIP's are now safely ensconced in the restaurant where Impudencia is personally directing the opening menu, with a special dish of roast rat, not normally available.

Dogend Skronky has been left outside with Shagnasty to run the 'rotating' part of the restaurant. The tower has been fitted with a capstan at the bottom and now some squats are led out and tied to the prongs.

Dogend punches kicks and curses the squats into pushing the prongs and the whole tower starts to slowly rotate at a sedate pace. Upstairs VIPs enjoy their roast rat dinner watching the view.

Impudencia Skronky, upstairs, is disappointed. She'd expected the tower to go a little faster than this. “Cant ee sped it up a bit?” Sewage agrees and puts her head out of the window.

Sewage Skronky: “Oi yu! Sped it up a bet will ya!” she shouts down to Dogend. Dogend kicks and curses the squats a bit more then calls in Shagnasty, the genius behind this to pull his magic.

Dogend watches satisfied as Shagnasty gives each of the motor providing squats a hat. A baseball cap with a req piece hanging from the peek of the cap.

Dogend congratulates the engineering genius of Shagnasty as the squats automatic 'chase req' systems kick in.

Cries of “Moin!” and “Oi suw ut furst!” go up, hands start grasping and crucially, legs start working as squats chase the req dangling so temptingly in front of them, causing the tower to revolve.

TabbyMorph Buddleia edges into town, and ooohs enthusiastically. She nudges the nearest squat, “Is it a carnival ride?”

Dogend watches as more squats, seeing req going for free, join in. The tower is rotating faster and faster. Up in the restaurant things are getting a bit harder to handle.

Buckfast Skronky has to chase after one of his potatos as it starts to roll off the plate into Tynan's lap. Tynan isn't pleased about the resulting fork in his leg, but is wise enough to say nothing.

Dogend whips the squats into pushing the tower round ever faster. The occupants at the top are now starting to feel a little seasick, and the tower is starting to shake.

TabbyMorph Buddleia pads over to watch the toiling pushers briefly. It's quite a novelty to see squats working. She asks, of no-one in particular, “Is there a queue to have a go on it?”

Dogend is oblivious to the shaking and pushes the squats faster and faster. The tower shudders more and more when disaster strikes. There wasn't enough nicotine gum holding the restaurant at the top in place.

Cantankerous Biggs replies to Buddleia “Ur yu fackin mad or sommat? Only thu bust git tu gu un ere like. VIP's innit? Thun uz'll av a gu. Whun we pay.”

Dogend finally notices that something's wrong when the restaurant at the top, spinning at top speed, falls off on top of him and starts rolling down the street, taking him and several other squats caught up in it.

TabbyMorph Buddleia pouts. “I've never had of those VIP passes. But then, I've only been to a few carnivals. Oh well, I'll wait my turn and come back later.”

TabbyMorph Buddleia eeps in surprise, then starts laughing. “Oh man that looks awesome! How'd you make it do that?” She scampers after the Rolling Restaurant, not waiting for a reply.

Dogend Skronky is dragged by the revolving restaurant down Brawlin' street, it picks up squats and momentum as it goes down the hill, and crashes through the manky gates heading west.

Cantankerous Biggs is shocked by the developments and starts chasing the restaurant, hoping to look good by coming to a heroic rescue. Shagnasty quietly slips away. He'll be in hiding for a while until this blows over

TabbyMorph Buddleia chases too, because it looks fun! And she wants a go on it, too!

For more stories from Squat Hole, see here.