The Old Improbable Island Wiki

A camera pans on a pair of midgets, resting on a rusted car in Squathole. They had just taken out a horde of monsters.

'Neva gets ol', eh?'

'Aye.'

'Kinda makes ya wanna-'

'Break int'a song?'

The first Squat raises an eyebrow for a second. He then lifts his hand and smacks the second Squat in the back of the head.

'Wat th' FOOK are ya talkin' about, ya fook'n idget?! I was gonna say 'goin t' Julia's fo' a fook.'

'Don' call me a idget, ya shitehead!'

'Who you callin' a shitehead, ya fookin-'

Let's try another camera, shall we? A scene of the scrapheap known as CyberCity404 comes into view, with two robots working on various screws on their person.

The first robot beeps, [INQUIRY: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I ENJOY IMMENSELY?]

The second robot replies, loudly, [STATEMENT: PLEASURE IS A BIOLOGICAL FUNCTION MECHANINCAL UNITS ARE UNABLE TO EMIT SUCH FUNCTIONS ERROR ERROR ER-]

You know what they say: third time's the charm.

'BRAAAAAAAAAINS!'

Fourth time's the charm.

Ah, here we go. A scene of two humans, a male and female, resting in one of the quiet fields scattered around the island. The male looks a little wet behind the ears while the female has more muscles and battle scars. The woman turns to the man.

'So how was your first day in the Jungle?'

'Exhausting, and bloody scary. How the hell do you do this every day?'

The woman laughs. 'You get used to it. But trust me, boy, you'll love it here.'

The man headtilts. 'You actually like it here?'

The woman chuckles. 'What's not to like?' She then looks out at the grassy field and sings the first two lines, cameras changing to view other contestants.¹⁾

I love this Island
I love the peaceful plains
I love the nudity
BRAAA-AAA-AAAA-AAINS!²⁾
I love old Audrey
And all her cats and hogs