As you stroll on the decks of the, alas, well known Failboat you come across not one, but two stalls, sitting on opposite sides. They are mere metal boxes on four legs (each) decorated with banners in garish colors that seemingly advertise some products for sale. As you get closer enticing smells waft your way. Food! Good food! ¹⁾ The Failboat just got better.

The stall situated portside sports a banner that reads: Victory Ltd. - For Victorious fights, get your Victory products now!!! Underneath, in an untidy, almost unreadable scrawl Fore more Victoreh, and less' Fail!. Behind it, busy with handing out menus and products and passing back and forth some slips of blue paper, you glimpse a not-quite-so-young woman (maybe joker, judging by the hat). She's small, scrawny, with messy black hair and, well, busy.

On the stall situated on the opposite side, one can read “Fail Inc. - Get your Fail now!!! Get it while it lasts!!!” Underneath that, with smaller letters: “Fail belongs on the Failboat!” Bustling around it, sometimes on top, and sometimes not at all, you can see a very dapper looking leprechaun, dressed in red, instead of the usual green.

You rub your hands. Competition! That's got to be good. Keeps the prices down, quality up. Mouth watering, you approach.

Price - 100Rq and 5 favor

Price - 250Rq and 15 favor

Price - 50Rq and 5 favor for 1 cup

Price- 50Rq and 5 favor for 6pcs

Price - 100Rq and 5 favor points/2 pcs

Price 250Rq and 15 favor points/ 3 pcs.

Price- 50Rq and 5 favor points/ slice.

Price - 50Rq and 5 favor points/ 6pcs.

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I, _ _ _ _ _ _ [fill in name here] owe _ _ _ Req and _ _ _ favor points to Victory Ltd. Favor points to be exchanged at the rate of 10pts/small favor; 50pts/medium favor; 150pts/large favor. Terms and conditions xxxxxxxxxxxx (something unreadable)

Thank you for your purchase. Enjoy your Victory Ltd. product. Please consume responsibly.

OOC Disclaimer: No actual Rq transfers, this is for RP only. Favors are to be negotiated between players and to be forfeited, unless a wholehearted agreement is reached. We do this only for fun. No drama, no conflict. Just the LOLs.

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I, _ _ _ _ _ _ [fill in name here] owe _ _ _ Req and _ _ _ favor points to Fail Inc. Favor points to be exchanged at the rate of 10pts/small favor; 50pts/medium favor; 150pts/large favor. Terms and conditions xxxxxxxxxxxx(something unreadable)

Thank you for your purchase. Enjoy your Fail Inc. product. Please consume responsibly.

OOC Disclaimer: No actual Rq transfers, this is for RP only. Favors are to be negotiated between players and to be forfeited, unless a wholehearted agreement is reached. We do this only for fun. No drama, no conflict. Just the LOLs.

4 Panthzer steaks, 6 to 8 ounces each and no more than 1 1/2 inches thick; Salt; 2 tablespoons whole green peppercorns; 1 tablespoon unsalted butter; 1 teaspoon vegetable (not mineral!) oil; 1/3 cup Cognac, plus 1 teaspoon, plus one bottle; 1 cup heavy cream, careful when lifting.

Remove the steaks from the beast for at least 30 minutes and up to 1 hour prior to cooking. Sprinkle all sides with salt.

Coarsely crush the peppercorns with a mortar, mallet, or using a riot hammer. Spread the peppercorns evenly onto a plate. Press the fillets, on both sides, into the pepper until it coats the surface. Set aside.

In a medium skillet over medium heat, melt the butter and oil. As soon as the butter and oil begin to turn golden and smoke, light up one yourself. Then gently place the steaks in the pan. For medium-rare, cook for 4 minutes on each side. For still twitching, reduce time to two minutes. Once done, remove the steaks to a plate and set aside. Don't pour off the excess fat and do not wipe or scrape the pan clean.

Off of the heat, add 1/3 cup Cognac to the pan and cheerfully ignite the alcohol with a long match or firestick. Or a short one, if you feel like it. Gently shake pan until the flames die. Return the pan to medium heat and add the cream. Bring the mixture to a boil and whisk until the sauce coats the back of a spoon, (if you can find one, of course), approximately 5 to 6 minutes. Add the teaspoon of Cognac and season, to taste, with salt. Drink the remaining Cognac. Add the steaks back to the pan, spoon the sauce over, and serve.

Recipe

1 head romaine lettuce, you need to behead the lettuce first; 3/4 cup extra virgin (ahem, not neccearily virgin, as such) olive oil; 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar ( I know, it seems a pity to let good wine go to waste, but trust me on this one); 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce; 1/2 teaspoon salt; 1/4 tablespoon ground mustard; 1 clove crushed garlic; 1 egg; 1 lemon, juiced; freshly ground black pepper; 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese; 1 1/2 cups garlic croutons; 2 ounce finely chopped marinated spiderkitty meat;

Clean lettuce thoroughly and carefully dry it. Keep cool. Both you and lettuce. In a bowl or jar combine oil, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, salt, mustard, garlic and lemon juice. Whisk until well blended. Coddle (not cuddle) egg by heating 3 cups of water to boiling. Drop in egg (still in shell) and let stand for 1 minute. Remove egg from water (not by hand, I'd advise) and let cool. Once cooled, crack open and whisk said egg into dressing. Whisk until thoroughly blended. (Careful, all this whisking means using a whisk not drinking whiskey. Or you could go ahead and do both) Mash desired amount of spiderkitty meat and whisk it into the dressing. To assemble, place torn lettuce leaves in a large bowl. Pour dressing over the top and toss lightly. Add the grated cheese, garlic croutons and freshly ground pepper, toss.

1 lb plain ice-cream; 5 table spoons wasabi;

Mix and serve. And listen gleefully for the echoes as your client cries in pain.

Secret recipe.

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Recipe

1 lb bread dough; 2-3 tablespoons vegetable (not mineral) oil; 4-5 cloves garlic, minced (Sheila's will do in a pinch); 1 onion, chopped; 1 coarsely chopped green pepper (optional); 1/2 T. each oregano, rosemary and Basil, minced; 1/4 cup fresh parsley, minced; 1 lb ground meat of whatever is availible (prefferable grunting piggy or atinlay igpay); 1 teaspoon salt (or to taste); 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper; 3/4 cup marinara sauce; pinch of hot red pepper flakes; 1/2 lb grated mozzarella -moo!- cheese (not Gordon's, that's too potent); 1/4 teaspoon each garlic and onion powder;

In one tablespoon of oil in skillet, brown the ground monster meat.

As ground meat begins to brown, add garlic, onion and chopped herbs and seasonings. Stir in marinara sauce.

Season to taste with salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder and pepper flakes. Set mixture aside to cool while bread dough is being rolled out.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.

Roll out bread dough into a rectangle 1 foot wide and 20 inches long. Brush the top of the dough with more oil and sprinkle evenly with a light dusting of salt, garlic and onion powder. Cut in squares. Spread mozzarella -moo!- cheese evenly over the dough, leaving a 1 inch edge. Spread the meat mixture. Fold each square, and pinch tightly in the seam.

Make sure all ends/openings are sealed. Spray or brush the top with oil and season lightly with salt and pepper.

Bake for 5 minutes at 450 degrees F reduce heat to 350 and continue to bake about 20 minutes or until golden.

Remove from oven and allow to cool 15 minutes on a rack before slicing.

Recipe

1 lb ground -moo!- cow meat; 1 yellow onion, minced; 4-5 cloves garlic, minced; 2 teaspoons ground cumin; 1 teaspoon ground allspice; 1 teaspoons chili powder; 1 teaspoon salt; 1/2 cup water;

FOR TACOS AND TOPPINGS 6-8 flour tortillas, warmed; chopped tomato; shredded cheddar Gordon cheese; sour cream; salsa; guacamole;

Brown -moo!- meat with onion and garlic.

Add spices and water, and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally, until mixture thickens.

Serve meat in tacos with toppings of choice.

Ingredients:

CRUST:

2 1/2 cups white flour; 2 tbsp. sugar; 1/4 tsp. salt; 1/2 cup cold butter, broken into small pieces; 10 tbsp. ice water;

FILLING:

2/3 cup sugar; 1/4 cup all-purpose flour; 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg; 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon; Pinch of salt; 10 Dada Printing Press Apples; 2 tablespoons butter;

Preparation Instructions:

CRUST:

Measure the flour, sugar and salt together. Stir to combine.

Add the chilled butter pieces to the bowl. Cut it in with a pastry cutter or knife.

Add the ice water. Mix until the dough holds together (add a bit more water, if necessary).

Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface, knead it together, then divide in half.

Flatten each half into a disk, wrap in saran wrap and chill for at least half an hour.

Roll out one of the disks on a lightly floured surface until you have a circle that's about 12 inches in diameter.

Put the circle in pie plate, trimming any extra dough from the edges with a sharp knife. Reserve.

Heat oven to 425 degrees.

Prepare filling: Peel, core and slice the Dada apples.

Mix sugar, flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, and salt in large bowl.

Stir in apples.

Pour into pastry-lined pie dish.

Dot with butter

Roll out the second ball of dough and cover top.

Use a fork or your fingers to pinch the edges together.

Cut two small slits in the top.

Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until crust is brown and juice begins to bubble through slits in crust.

2 sticks butter (softened); 2 1/4 c. flour; 3/4 c. sugar; 3/4 c. brown sugar; 3 French hen eggs; 1 tsp vanilla extract; 1 tsp salt; 1/2 tsp baking powder; 1/2 tsp baking soda; 2 c. Hollow Chocolate bunnies, chopped; 1 c. chopped Flying Pistacchio nuts;

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a cookie sheet. In a large mixing bowl, mix butter, sugars and vanilla together well blended and creamy. Add eggs (one at a time). Mix dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Mix dry ingredients with creamy batter until well blended and thicker. Fold in Hollow Chocolate Bunnies morsels and Flying Pistacchio nuts. Spoon batter onto pan a inch apart.

Bake 10 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.