This is a record of the messages that will show up upon use of a double bed with a partner.

For this experiment, conducted by Eagle-Winged Isaac, the narr brought two alts into his house, and locked them into a bedroom with a double bed. The alt whose point of view these messages were taken from shall remain nameless, for privacy's sake, but his or her bedmate is here referred to as “Cthulhu”.¹⁾

THIS EXPERIMENT HAS BEEN CANCELED, DUE TO THE ALT SUFFERING A SUDDEN DEATH. However, from the data, it will take 100 days to get the full 25% buff.

THIS EXPERIMENT HAS BEEN RESUMED AT THE 11 NIGHTS MARK BY FULL METAL LION. It is unclear whether he is recording the number of nights correctly.

You had what is quite possibly the worst night's sleep of your entire life. Cthulhu seems to be made entirely out of elbows and knees, all of which have an uncanny knack of finding your softer parts with laser-guided precision. And the snoring. My God, the snoring. The whiny, nasal screech that ebbs and flows irregularly back and forth. It'd be like listening to the ocean, if the ocean were made of nails and cats. Every now and then you get a respite - just long enough to make you think that it's over - and then the cough, the shifting of mucus around the internal caverns set to the sounds of a vacuum cleaner in a swamp, and the horror starts anew.

You know that as you sleep together more often, you'll get used to each other and end up sleeping very well indeed - but this morning, you're about ready for murder. You do not sleep well, and you lose 25% of your Stamina.

Another night of 'sleeping' with Cthulhu, another night of misery and woe. Cthulhu has taken to unconsciously flopping over you just as you're about to drift off, cutting off your air supply and resulting in a massive flailing of arms and legs as you jerk bolt upright and immediately go into fight-or-flight mode.

Needless to say, you're still getting used to each other and you don't sleep well. You lose 20% of your Stamina.

You sleep poorly, but with the knowledge that things will get better soon. You lose 15% of your Stamina.

Cthulhu talks during the night. Some of the best phrases to appear so far include 'I'm almost certain there was a bra here,' 'Pull it out, plonk it down on the engine block, flood it with food and it'll be all right,' and 'Boat. Boat. I love you, boat.'

You don't sleep well at all, largely out of wondering what sort of dreams could possibly induce such dialogue. You lose 10% of your Stamina.

A night with Cthulhu is still not as comfortable as sleeping on your own, but as you grow more accustomed to each other, the negative aspects are starting to die off. Cthulhu's unconscious mind has finally figured out your place in the bed, and is no longer jamming pointy body parts into you, although the snoring and sleep-talking remain. You still sleep poorly, but you get the impression that things are getting better. You lose only 5% of your Stamina.

Cthulhu's snoring is either dying off, or you're noticing it less. Either way, that frees up some of your mental RAM to concentrate on other things - like Cthulhu's face pressed against yours every night. As you breathe in, Cthulhu is breathing out. Surely that much carbon dioxide can't be good for either of you, but you guess you'll get used to it. Today, you wake up with neutral Stamina, neither gaining nor losing anything by sleeping with Cthulhu.

Cthulhu is becoming less arduous to sleep with, and it's actually becoming kind of nice. You're still not getting as much sleep as you would alone in a single bed - the occasional movement from Cthulhu's side of the bed bumps you into semiconsciousness every now and then - but you're starting to appreciate the warmth, the extra heartbeat. The warmth is especially nice since Cthulhu still steals all the covers. You gain 5% Stamina.