Battle of the Kraken
An adventure in Banter.
Many are Familiar with the various banter rooms, those places that exist below The Story that is Improbable Island. Sometimes the fourth wall isn't there, sometimes it is. It can be a strange place, where the alter egos of the contestants can chat about how things are going on the Island. Sometimes what is happening on the Island is more probable then what occurs in banter.. This is one of those times..
Ageis, Rogue Trader at large was training his Toy soldier Army. At one time they were Jam sandwiches, set as a trap behind a couch by Martha Lenko “not Omega”. Over a period of time they changed under the guidance of Ageis, who had saved them from extinction at the Hands and appetite of Aldred.
Also present were Sy aka the Stranger(not that one) and Mango.
While calling Orders of drill out to his Army and setting up a air corps and navy there was a disturbance. Suddenly water rushed into Banter from a nearby destroyed damn. Mango cowered on her couch as the water flooded the room with Sy jumping on as well, nearly tipping Mango off the couch while Ageis calmly treads water until the soldiers put a raft together for him. He looks at Sy, who had only just suggested having the Toy soldiers form a Navy.
“Sy..” He says, shooting his friend a look
Sy, climbing up on Mango's couch looks back innocently “Yesss?”
Mango starts trying to shove Sy off “Her” couch with a boot.
“Your too heavy!” She says. The couch dips on one side. “Thanks for calling me fat miss!!” Sy retorts as he starts to fall off. Mango scrambles up onto the back of the couch, trying to distance herself from the water.
“What if there are shaaarks in theeeere!” She wails most unladylike. Ageis hurries to pull Sy onto his raft.
“Hmm, what do you think Sy? Time for a navel battle?” He asks nonchalantly. Mango narrows her eyes at the two.
“Against who?..” She inquires suspiciously . Sy grins evilly, pulling out “Dancer's Lament.”
“Let us fiiiiiiiiight!” He cries. Ageis nods and dons Captains hat whilst bellowing orders to his Toy flotilla.
“Toy NAVY! Sink that Couch!” He draws steel and paddles the raft to engage the foe. Sy fires a warning shot across the couch's bow, cackling in a most nefarious manner. Mango's couch rocks heavily under the incoming fire.
“Agh! HEY!” She whips out her frying pan, preparing to defend herself.
“Don't put me in the water!” She readies herself with a couch cushion shield. Ageis calls out, and the Navy begins the assault with a broadside. Soldiers swing from the rigging to board the couch while Sy readies himself as the raft approaches. Mango bats at the soldiers on the ropes with a frying pan, only managing to hit a small percentage, there were too many!
“It's sinkiiiing!” A few more WHAPS are given, mostly just swinging wildly at this point. She's not much of a fighter. Ageis pulls along side.
“Yield M'lady” He yells brandishing his backsword “Rebuke of Sanity”. Mango urghs. How did they get over here so fast?!
“To what?!” She takes a swing stubbornly with her frying pan.
“Yield, lassie, to us!” Sy says, leaping onto the couch, nearly sinking it with his “fatness“, tossing Mango into the raft.
“Tie her up, lads. We've a prisoner!!” Mango is catapulted due to Strangers massive weight on the other end. “Waugh~!” She skids onto the deck, on her face. Wow, this feels a little like the failboat she thinks to herself. She draws her pan back up, like a fencing weapon. “Nevaaar!” She cries.
Sy cackles, the couch is HIS!!
Meanwhile Ageis commands the Toy soldiers to tie Mango up while he moves to engage her frying pan, his sword expertly flashing through the air. Mango nuu's and struggles through the crowd of toy soldiers bustling about her.
“My cooouuuuch..” She cries out mournfully. Sy attacks the couch, leaping back onto the raft before the couch sinks. Mango fights valiantly feeling a little like king Kong as she loses the right to control some of her limbs to the determination of the Toy Soldiers.
“I'll leave New York and go back to my jungle I promise!” She swats at a Toy plane flying by. The Toy soldiers had built a Aircraft carrier it would seem. Soon Mango is down and Ageis starts to tickle her. She kicks wildly.
“T-this is torture! I'm calling all of your parents!” What an odd threat.
“There will be at least a few detentions!” Her eye twiches as she watches a kraken rise from the water.
Suddenly Algus Wigs enters banter laughing LOUD and MERRILY as he stands atop a GIANT KRAKEN!!!
“Ah HA HA HA ha ha ha! I have come to rescue you, my dear Mango!” Mango struggles in her binds.
“N-no! Stay away!” She cries, he always takes her cocoa!
“I don't know this man” Really!” Sy turns to Ageis and the Toys soldiers
“No! This cannot be! Kill it!!!!” Ageis yells out commands and the Toy soldiers tie Mango to the deck while the rest of the navy brings their cannon to bear, the Air Corps beginning bombing and strafing runs, dropping bang grenades and using machine guns captured from armored fly's.
Algus Wigs swiftly points his finger out towards the puny group.
“For LOVE~!” He calls and the Kraken swings a huge tentacle limb, cutting through the water and smashing down towards the raft with Algus laughing heartily the whole time. Sy fires his pistol, aiming carefully at the mighty beast's eyes as he brings his abec de Corbin chrashing on the tentacle, making the beast flinch just enough to save the raft. Ageis jumps from the raft to grab a hold of the beast, He extends his claws and starts climbing up towards Algus.
Meanwhile Mango scrunches her feet up close to her, narrowly avoiding a solid hit to the planks in front of her, they crack from the impact and splinter. Algus Wigs continues to laugh a merry laugh, while the Kraken swings wildly. The beast is off balance from taking so much heat from all sides. A bullet from Sy to its eye makes it screech loudly but this only makes Algus laugh louder, a fey madness over him.
Sy fires more rounds at it, growling and cackling, thoroughly caught up in a blood lust. While Ageis makes his way up the beast, sword between his teeth. He grabs the hilt and thrusts the blade into the creature up to the hilt. The Navy encircles the beast keeping it confused and off balance Mango screams as the mast she's tied to tilts and comes dislodged from the Raft, teetering dangerously close to the water.
“H-hey! Somebody do something!!” She watches an improbable fin rise to the surface. Krakens and sharks….really? Ageis barks out a order and some of the soldiers untie Mango, there's a bigger fish to fry now!
Algus Wigs tosses his hands into the air while laughing, the Kraken wobbles starting to weaken from so much punishment. Algus seems to be merely dancing on top as he stumbles to keep his balance. Sy lets loose shot after shot at the capering Algus, attempting to score a hit on the madman. Ageis growls and yanks his blade from the beast, ichor spraying him as he tries to grab Algus. Mango shakes the ropes off and clamors up the pole, heading back to the 'safety' of the raft. A threatening crack of her weight on the beam leans her closer to the water.
“WaahHaHaH” Algus cries. Using his excellent dancing skills to stay aloft the beast. He dances out of the way of Ageis' grab, tapping his feet and juggling his hat. “O-Ho, Touche sir! But alas you canno..”
Suddenly a stray bullet flies through Algus's chest.
“M..Maria,” he whispers, falling off the Kraken. Ageis grabs him before he hits water, easily throwing him on his shoulder. He stabs down into the eye of the beast and jumps down as the creature begins its death throws!
Sy cackles as his shot lands home, sheathing his abec de Corbin as he grabs at Mango to save her from being a meal for the finned critters. Mango is catapulted once again by a stray tentacle making contact with the other side of the pole she's on. Landing in Sy's grasp she sticks her tongue out at the sharks.
“HA!” Sy pulls her close, setting her on the deck as he fires a few rounds at the sharks.
Algus Wigs lets his eyes flutter open slightly.
“J-J..Julio..Is that y-you..?” He grabs Ageis' chest.
“T-Tell..M-Maria..that E-Edwardo is t-the..the ffather..” He lets out a final breath and goes limp. Ageis lands on the deck of the mangled raft. He rolls his eyes and gives Algus a stimpack and starts patching the bullet wound. Algus Wigs makes a distinct Tsssst sound and then immediately sits up.
“Ahhh that's the stuff..”
Ageis shakes his head and gives orders for the Toy Soldier Navy to start butchering the kraken and to send engineers to see if the water can be diverted. Before they can leave the water starts to retreat. Items that had been soaked dry at a improbable rate.
A little later a few beavers and mechanics carrying small wagons full of wood and brick come strolling by the now bone dry Banter.
“Ey uhhh.. damns been fixed.. we're gonna go grab some beers now.” And off they went…
Ageis has the Soldiers start cleaning, the boats stowed and things put back in order. He hands Sy a newspaper full of Kraken and chips. Sy starts to chows down on the meal happily as Algus Wigs stands up and casually pats himself off. Ageis prods Algus.
“Hey you, as fun as that was and as good as they taste, no more Krakens please.” Ageis starts to eat his own kraken and chips as Mango flops back down on her couch, her gummy bears still intact somehow. Ageis lick his fingers clean. “You know.. that was pretty epic, I think someone should write it up and put it in the enquirer.”
The group all agreed of course and this account you just read is the result of that.
Who knows what might happen in banter next? Will the Toys Soldiers rebel? Will Sy's love of battle wreak havoc? What creature might Algus Wigs find next? And Mango.. How knows what she might be capable of?..