Winged Pistachio

It's a giant pistachio. With wings. He's actually quite friendly, though. But because you're a greedy, bloodthirsty monster you're probably going to kill him anyway just because the camera's pay you to. Don't worry. No one will know.1)2)3)4)

To top off the improbability of this thoughtful fellow, he defends himself with paperclips.

1)
Except the cameras.
3)
And anyone watching at home.
4)
Fine. A lot of people will know.