The two contestants, Ebenezer and Escemfer, were married, however they did so in secret and when they returned to their friends, they all began scrambling for appropriate Gifts. However, Xane decided that an appropriate gift would be the following tale.1)2)3) It includes fairytale versions of Escemfer4), Ebenezer5), Skidge6)7), Sessine8), Zolotisty9), Malchia10), Seth the Bard11), Emily12), The Ferryman in the jungle13)14), and even Xane15)16)17) Himself. Enjoy the Wedding Tale.
A wedding Tale for Ebenezer and Escemfer.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe taps Esc on the shoulder. Should he start now?
Contestant Kuroiten glares at a typo gremlin until it relinquishes the missing “s” from “commission”.
Civilian Ebenezer snorts at Karythe's poem, but it's an amused sort of snort.
High Lady Escemfer giggles and applauds at Karythe's poem, but hushes up at Xane's authoritive mucus-clearing. She sneakily slices a piece of that fancy cake for herself with her scythe.
High Lady Escemfer nods to Xane!
XeNoMoRpH XaNe nods, time to begin.
Stanlygirl beams.
High Lady Escemfer | Miss Sparkles snatches a cherry from the cake before scurrying up Escemfer and into a vacant bandolier pocket to hide with her treat.
Rookie Korbel raises and amused eyebrow a Kuroiten.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “once, a long time ago, in a distant land, there lay a kingdom. This kingdom's people were very happy. Few troubles plagued them and they were gifted with plenty.”
Civilian Ebenezer realizes that Xane is going to tell a story and he sits quietly to listen.
Returning Contestant Neeip sits dow, ready to enjoy Xenos story
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “however, the people's greatest delight was their princess, Lady Escemfer. She was beautiful and kind, and the people loved her for it.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “But, none loved her more than the Knight of the kingdom, Sir Ebeneezer. He, however, had never proclaimed his love, for fear of rejection.”
Civilian Ebenezer cocks an eyebrow at Xane's story, but doesn't dare interrupt. . .
Lady Akitsu yawns and closes her eyes, half-heartedly listening to the yarn being spun by the Storyteller. Bedtime stories are always good.
Rookie Korbel slides halfway into the shadows of a corner where he can hear clearly.
High Lady Escemfer squeaks delightedly. She gets to be a princess!
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “Sir Ebeneezer had been nicknamed by his fellow Knights, the “Not so Valliant Knight in Shining Armor” He had a good heart, but was timid and nervous.”
Contestant Kuroiten sits back and listens to another narrator weave a tale, his favorite unending jug of root beer in hand.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the princess, one day, strode through her gardens and was spied by Sir Ebeneezer. He approached her, a flower in hand, hoping to win her heart.”
Contestant Karythe sits cross-legged like she did in kindergarten. Her eyes light up as she barely stops herself from squeaking questions about what happens next!
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the princess, however, was not to be won that day. For even as she watched him approach, a kind smile on her face, A great calamity struck the Kingdom.”
Stanlygirl 's blush can be seen through her fur. She looks at her feet and begins digging a toe in the ground. She mumbles quietly to Kuro, “I baked four cakes for my clan, and this one wasn't cut yet.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the great and terrible dragon, Xenomorpus, had awakened from his thousand year slumber, and decended to wreak havok and feast upon the innocent Villagers.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “The princess, being kind of heart, approached the dragon in his rampaged and pleaded for him to stop.”
Civilian Ebenezer ducks his head so that nobody can see whatever expression might be on his face. He is, of course, still listening carefully. He gives a very small laugh at the terrible dragon.
Rookie Korbel smirks at the obvious name play.
High Lady Escemfer is riveted while she munches away the last of her cake. Stories with dragons are always good!
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the dragon laughed deeply and said, “ah, what a fair maiden! You shall do well to be my wife in my tower!” and before Sir Ebeneezer could utter a word, the dragon was gone.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “The king of the lands, Lord Sessine, and his Queen Zolotisty Summoned the bravest wariors in the land to rescue their daughter from the evil beast.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “of the many champions, they soon had their four heroes.”
Contestant Kuroiten whispers back to Stanlygirl, “Really? Doesn't change how tasty it looks.” He then takes a swig of his root beer.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the well known Bard, Seth, who desired to partake in a new tale. The faithful and goodhearted Sir Ebeneezer, The mage Skidge who wielded powers beyond mere mortals.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “And the young, Tall, and Handsome Knight Malchia, rumored to have slain a hundred men with one blow. He sought to take the princesses hand in marraige.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the four heroes set across the land, coming closer to the dragon's Keep with every step. They first came across a beautiful woman, all alone in a cottage by the road.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the woman invited them inside and offered them many foods and drink. The heroes welcomed the brief reprieve and ate. However, the food seemed to never cease, and ale flowed freely.”
High Lady Escemfer wonders if the cottage lady is her! Then wonders if she'll get to shag Seth. Then realizes this is all nonsense, because she's been kidnapped and Eb is the hero, but it amuses her all the same.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Bard, Seth, was not so easily enticed by the beautiful woman, and saw her for what she was. Emily, the siren, a minion of the dragon. He lept from the table and challenged her”
Returning Contestant Neeip smiles at the discription of emily.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “The two fought, taking them finally upstairs in the cottage. After a long time, where many loud noises and Moans were heard, Seth descended claiming to have bested Emily in battle.”
Civilian Ebenezer claps both of his hands over his mouth and widens his eyes.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the heroes quickly escaped the clutches of the siren, despite her screams of “Come back!” and “Call me!”.”
Blue Dawn trots over to Lady Esc, and sits on her knee, watching Xane intently.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the heroes next came upon a raging river, which seemed to go on for all of eternity in both directions. However, a ferryman waited nearby for passengers.”
Contestant Karythe squeaks. “Oh noooooes! It sounds so dangerous!”
High Lady Escemfer pets the blue hamster cheerfully.
Civilian Ebenezer clenches his teeth. Oh no, not the ferryman. That guy always takes him ot the FailBoat.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “The four boarded the small boat, fearing it would be swept away, but saw no other choice. Strangly, the water grew calm around the small raft, allowing them to pass.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “as the heroes approached the middle of the river, the ferryman indicated a goblet which requested a toll of gold from the passengers. The Knight Malchia snorted derisively.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Knight shouted, quite loudly, “do you not Know who I am? I am the great Knight Malchia! I bested two Hundred men in armed combat! I refuse to pay.””
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the ferryman suddenly grew large and dark. It had become a terrible Deamon with great Wings and glowing Green eyes. It roared at the passengers in anger.”
Civilian Ebenezer smirks ever so slightly at the characterization of Malchia.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Mage Skidge reacted swiftly and pitted her strength against the deamons. The battle raged, setting more than a few innocent trees on fire, but Skidge had a trump card.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Mage summoned all of her strength, and called the guardian of the deep, a great mechanical Fish, to eat the Deamon and free them from its Dark Magicks.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Boat, however, without the deamon's influence, swiftly flowed downstream. It was only with the quick thinking of Sir Ebeneezer that they were saved.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “he tied a rope to his waist and swam as swiftly as he could to the other side, tying the rope to a nearby tree, halting the boat's progress.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the four heroes, now across the river, found the path, and returned to their Journey. Before long, they found themselves at the gate of the Dragon's Lair.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “they entered, Cautiously, as not to incur any new terrors upon themselves. Timidly, except for the Knight Malchia that is.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “within moments of striding down the dark Corridors, the Knight Malchia bubbled with rage and proclaimed, “Coward dragon! Why do you hide in the darkness!?””
High Lady Escemfer gasps!
Rookie Korbel grins at the characterization of of Ebenezer as “timid.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, ““the great Knight Malchia, the slayer of Five Hundred Men, has Come to end your foul life and save that of the Lady Escemfer! Come and face me!” the other heroes were horified.”
Rookie Korbel shakes his head at the knight's stupidity.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “try as they might to quiet the knight, He had drawn the attention of the lord of the Keep. Terrible Xenomorphus Decended on the four with a wind of brimstone and death.”
Returning Contestant Neeip winces. he knows what happens next all to well…
Civilian Ebenezer is surprised that he's not the only hero who's horrified. But, of course, this is a work of fiction.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Dragon peered down at the Heroes, Contempt in his eyes and Flames licking out from his Maw. He Suddenly let loose a great belowing laugh.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, ““This? This is the best the world of men can send to defeat me? I have lived longer than man has existed in this world, and these mortals come thinking they are greater than I?”
Rookie Korbel grunts in an I-thought-so manner.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, ”“Come then little humans, slay me and save your Princess.” and with that, the heroes rushed at the dragon.“
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the battle was long and arduous, the Mage Skidge assaulting the dragon with the elements, the Bard Seth using musical charms to dull its senses.”
Rookie Amerithe whispers, “Goddamn he's good.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the two knights carved great gashes into the dragon's flesh, their mighty weapons piercing the scaled hide. The dragon soon retreated to the Highest chamber where the princess lay.”
High Lady Escemfer wonders if the princess is in bed, resting up from kidnapping-dragon-sex.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the princess looked on as the dragon seemed to be defeated. It lay in a heap, breathing no more. The Knight laughed, Triumphant.”
Civilian Ebenezer sneers a bit at the violence, but at least the blood and gore and shuddering death weren't detailed.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Knight planted his heel on the dragon's head and so proclaimed, “Behold! I am now Malchia, the slayer of one thousand men and dragons alike!””
Returning Contestant Neeip thinks that 'seemed' is never a good sign in storys
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “however, before the Knight could boast again, the dragon reared its head up, swallowing him in a single gulp. It then bore down on the remaining heroes, strength renewed.”
Returning Contestant Neeip smiles. knew it! he thinks loudly
Civilian Ebenezer claps a hand over his mouth, this time to hide a grin.
Contestant Kuroiten chuckles. The fate of the boastful knight does not seem to be a good one.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “it looked as if the heroes would be defeated when Sir Eben, in a disparate move, thrust his sword into the dragon's great maw.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the dragon froze, the Blade piercing his flesh and nearing its brain. It dared not move for fear of death. The knight could reach no higher as well.”
Returning Contestant Neeip smiles. desperate moves, however, are always good signs!
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the dragon, though, still had flame at its command and began to Exhale, scorching Sir Eben's arm within his armor. It soon appeared that the day would be lost”
High Lady Escemfer waits in anticipation! Who will win?!
Rookie Korbel thinks at Neeip; You are so excited we can all hear your thoughts.
Returning Contestant Neeip cannot hear Kor, as he is not however, thinking loudly. he would be pretty shocked though.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “However, before the Not so Valiant knight released his sword, it was pushed forward into the dragon's mouth. It was the Lady Escemfer, aiding the heroes!”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the dragon's vitals pierced, it soon fell to the ground unmoving. The Princess and the others stood over the beast's corpse, four heroes once more.”
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the four soon returned to the kingdom, pride on their faces and triumph in their hearts. Sir Ebenezer, strengthened by his battle, soon overcame his fear and proclaimed his love.”
Contestant Karythe smiles. “Yaaaay! You go girl!”
Rookie Korbel just covers his eyes in disappointment.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “his affection returned, they courted for some time and were soon married. The new prince Ebenezer and the Lady Escemfer were untied as one, but strangely without the other heroes attendance.”
Rookie Korbel thinks Ebenezer should have done it over the dragon.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe whispers, “the Not so Valiant prince and His Very Valiant Wife, Lived happily ever after.”
High Lady Escemfer would likely have found that very romantic, weird critter that she is.
XeNoMoRpH XaNe clears his voice, then says with a smile, “until the other heroes caught them of course, then there was quite an argument. The End!
End of the Wedding Tale.