A methane-producing mammal that seems to have a lot of leisure time. Most are political analysts, and many are on the payrolls of conservative think tanks. Rumor has it that the Mayor of Improbable Central was once a Wisconsin heifer of some repute, until rampant improbability changed him into his current form, and now he spends his days, slowly chewing his cud and feeling vaguely guilty for his scientists' role in the Island's arms race.

Contestants should not envy the cow its pastoral existence. What seems to be serenity is actually acute denial, and the deceptively tranquil scene of a massive beast blinking and releasing methane into the wind is that of a tortured soul longing to figure things out once and for all.