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Shovelgate

In Squat Hole

Paint-pot calliaphone skulks into town, keeping to the shadows, and looking Highly Conspicuous, despite her best efforts to the contrary.

Paint-pot calliaphone makes a Surreptitious Circuit of the place, with frequent over-the-shoulder-glances to make sure she's not being tailed. She eyes the ground speculatively, and hrrrms to herself.

Paint-pot calliaphone mutters to herself, “. . .s'good s'good. easy diggin' here. an' quiet. no-one'll ever know.” she pauses. nods.“help. gotta get help. can't do it on me own.”

Paint-pot calliaphone withdraws to the gate, still looking anxiously over her shoulder. what follows is . . . inevitable.

Paint-pot calliaphone picks her self up from the rubbish heap into which she has sprawled. and scarpers quick before she gets spotted.

In Improbable Central

Paint-pot calliaphone pedals her cart surreptitiously into town, and parks in an alley beside the Hunter's Lodge. she gets into the back with her stuff and rummages around, muttering to herself.

Paint-pot calliaphone 's muttering sounds something like “disguise disguise what've i got that's a good disguise. . .can-can dress? blue-suit? swim-shorts? hrmm.”

Paint-pot calliaphone frowns suddenly. Something is missing. Not just the . . . that thing. Something else. “Damn damn where'd that bikini top go?”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn straightens, staring in the direction of Calliaphone. Or rather, the direction she went. She tries her hardest to hide. She's not very good at hiding.

Paint-pot calliaphone scowls, as the penny drops. “why the dirty so'n'so!” they didn't just steal Bishop's old shovel from her cart, they stole her bikini top as well! What with that and the Other Shovel. . .

Paint-pot calliaphone hastily tweaks the blanket to cover the Shiny New (and almost certainly stolen) Shovel in her cart. Gahh, she has to get rid of the evidence before she's caught red-handed. But first, disguise.

Paint-pot calliaphone gathers an armful of clothing from the rubble around her, and jumps down out of the cart. tripping over her feet, she vanishes into the Hunter's Lodge.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn emerges from her hiding place, blinking curiously. What was all that.

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido grumbles a little in his slumber. Noisenoisenoise.

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido shifts and gets back to his snooze.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn climbs back up onto the fountain and sits there, watching the outpost quietly.

In The Hunter's Lodge

Paint-pot calliaphone stumbles in with an armful of clothing. She looks round anxiously, but doesn't seen anyone about except the fella with the magazine, and the dog. They're not paying her any attention, so that's ok.

Paint-pot calliaphone loses no time. She has to disguise herself before The Law catches up with her. She strips off her boots, accordion, dungarees and tie-dye top, and rummages through the spare clothes.

Paint-pot calliaphone finds her board-shorts, and her zip-up rashvest. She drags the shorts on hastily, and frowns in a mirror. With the bikini top stolen, she's stuck for a top half, somewhat.

Paint-pot calliaphone shrugs. She could keep wearing the push-up bra. But it's p'raps too conspicuous. And she doesn't exactly need it, she's not what you'd call . . . generously built.

Paint-pot calliaphone swaps the bra for the rashvest. And then, for good measure, she tugs on the jacket from her blue serge suit over the top. She squints in the mirror again.

Paint-pot calliaphone nods. That's definitely a whole lot less noticeable than before. It just wants . . . something . . . she frowns and then ahas as inspiration strikes.

Paint-pot calliaphone digs her false moustache out of a pocket, and sticks it on her face. Then, switching her flat-cap for a slightly glue-stained bowler, she checks the mirror once again.

Moustachioed calliaphone jumps with fright. “Who th'hell are- oh! it's you! i mean, it's me. er. . .” with some difficulty, she refrains from offering to shake hands with her reflection, and merely tips her hat at it.

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “well, i think that'll do the trick.” Stooping, she slips on her accordion, and gathers up her stuff again, scuttling barefoot out into Central to find her cart.

Back in Central

Moustachioed calliaphone sneakitysneaks out of the Lodge, and stuffs her old clothes into the back of her cart. Then she clambers into the driving seat, and engages the gears.

Moustachioed calliaphone glances round to ensure the shovel is properly hidden. She just has to hope that people won't recognise the cart. At least it doesn't have a license plate, and loads of people have pianolas right?

Moustachioed calliaphone pedals, as sedately as she can, out of the alleyway, and raises her glue-stained bowler to Ferryn and Snoozy Bob, as she passes by, indavertently displaying her pink plaits for a moment.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn lets out a sharp hiss at the stranger emerging from the Lodge, backing away - and promptly splashing in the fountain.,

Poseable Plastic Ferryn lets out a sharp hiss at the stranger emerging from the Lodge, backing away - and promptly splashing in the fountain.

Moustachioed calliaphone is alarmed by a hiss and the subsequent splash. She forgets about being sedate, and starts pedalling like a scalded cat. If scalded cats could pedal, that is.

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido growls, waking up. What is that. It's upsetting his buddy! OHNO.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn is squinting up out of the water. who was that.

Moustachioed calliaphone is gone, vamoosed, skeddadled, outta there!

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido turns and pokes his head into the water, squawking.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn paddles her way over to Bob, looking agitated. She mutters something about “strange people stealing Callia's stuff.”

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido scoops Ferryn up with his head, chirping.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn holds onto Bob. “Mnn. Sorry didn't wanna wake you.”

Secretary Bird Bob Zarido stares at Ferryn before setting his head back down tiredly. His eyes shut again.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn eventually gets back to her feet and pats Bob quickly before scurrying out. On a mission.

In New Home

Moustachioed calliaphone , secure in her disguise, pedals her cart sedately into New Home.

Rookie target practice gets unsteadily to his feet, checking that everything's more or less where it should be. Damn improbability grenades. . . never know what they'll do.

Moustachioed calliaphone 's disguise might be a little marred by the accordion she's wearing, and the pianola in her cart. But they're mere details, it's the overall impression that counts.

Moustachioed calliaphone adjusts her glue-stained bowler hat, and flicks a pink plait over her shoulder. parking the cart, she scans the outpost.

Rookie Solar is feeling uneasy about the disguised stranger that just strolled in with his cart. Or, wait, is it a girl? The moustache confuses things.

Hunter Knight Bourne glances at the moustachied cart handler. He quirks an eyebrow. “Hmmmmm. Wonder if he has a spade.”

Moustachioed calliaphone overhears Bourne's words, and jumps with fright. She glances involuntarily over her shoulder, but The Shovel is well hidden under a blanket. She relaxes. No-one can possibly know!

Sundance Cassidy looks where Bourne is looking as she sits on a bench. “Say..that mustached person seems familiar. . .”

Hunter Knight Bourne sits next to Cassidy. “He does seem familiar, doesn't he?”

Moustachioed calliaphone glances across to Target and Rabbit by the tree. she attempts to signal surreptitiously. she's really not good at this sort of thing.

Sundance Cassidy nods. “Yes..but lets leave it for now, my Faithful Companion..I think er..'he' has something up 'his' sleeve.”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit , with her back to the tree, notices a mustached person making odd signals in her direction. She points to herself and mouths “Me?”

Moustachioed calliaphone nodnodsshakes her head frantically at Rabbit, and points to Target.

Rookie target practice spots Callia's not-so-subtle gesturing and pulls rabbits hand in her direction. “Come on, let's go see what Calli..uh, that man. . . wants. . .”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit nods at Calliaphone and then at Target. “Ok.” She pokes her water gun out from behind the tree in case anyone's still playing.

Rookie target practice approaches Calli, a little wary of that moustache - he's not entirely sure it's dead. “C. . .Calli?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit levels her water rifle at Ramsay “Truce?” she calls.

Moustachioed calliaphone jumps out of her skin! “WAUUGH! i mean. . .” she lowers her voice “Waaughh! I mean, er, thankyou!”

Contestant Ramsay looks at the water balloons in her hand, and then at Rabbit's imposing rifle. “Truce.”She casts the balloons aside, accidently soaking Ben, and then makes her way over to Rabbit and Target.

Moustachioed calliaphone grins widely, revealing the tell-tale gap between her front teeth. and raises her bowler to Target. “Psst, it's me. i mean. . .s'me!”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit spins around “Calli?” she blinks. Now that it was pointed out. . .it seems so obvious.

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “shhhhhh! y'mustn't give me away!” she looks round anxiously. “if The Law find out i'm here. . .” she leaves it hanging, but her eyes betray all kinds of horrors.

Contestant Ramsay nods at Calliaphone. “I knew that. 'Cause of my heightend senses. It's a kittymorph thing.” She lies.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit gasps in horror “The Law? Oh no!”

Rookie target practice smiles, a little confused. “How you doing, Calli? What's with the dapper new look?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit pauses and leans over to Target “Who's The Law?” she whispers.

Rookie target practice gives a confused smile. “The law? Is that's what's with the dapper gear?”

Moustachioed calliaphone nodnods to Black Rabbit, who seems to know just where she's coming from. “you got outstanding ASBOs too, have you? terrible the way they harrass innocent shoplifters an'such.”

Rookie target practice looks down at Rabbit. “The Law is all about policemen and judges and those sort of guys. Sometimes they get things wrong and go after the wrong people. . . like Calli here.”

Moustachioed calliaphone doesn't mention the whole car-twocking thing. no need to rake over that. and as for the truancy . . . least said soonest mended.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit nods along with Calli although she's still clearly confused “Yes?” she hazards.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit is intimate with the crime of truancy. She's doing it right now! Not that she's aware that it's a crime.

Rookie target practice looks around, making sure no-one's looking before turning to Callia - “So. . . um. . . is this all about the, uh. . . ess pee ay dee ee?” He looks down at Rabbit.

Moustachioed calliaphone looks relieved. She's glad Rabbit understands, it helps to have some Proper Experience for this job. She says, “yes, well, so y'see, i mustn't let 'em catch me. not with EVIDENCE”

Moustachioed calliaphone blinks at Target. Hrmm, why's he talking all funny? She sighs. “no” she says, “the spade.” she looks round town even more anxiously than before. “well, shovel anyway.”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit glares at Target for pulling such an low trick on her. She desperately tries to put the spelling together in her head.

Moustachioed calliaphone glances up at Marcus Aurelius. Hrm, a newbie! Does he look like he knows how to dig?

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit ahhs. Spade that's it. “So we need to get rid of it?” she asks.

Rookie target practice pauses, momentarily taken aback by Callia's misunderstanding. “Erm. . . right. The shovel. What's the problem, then?”

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “yes! that's exactly the thing. we have to bury the evidence. i've scouted out suitable sites, and i'm thinking Squat Hole's the best place for it. only..” she flexes puny muscles.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit is distracted by a passing butterfly.

Rookie target practice thinks for a second. “Okay, that's not a problem. I'm no superman, but I should be able to dig a hole for you. . . what are we going to dig with though if we're burying the only shovel?”

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “huhh” and then “err. . .” and then, triumphantly, “we'll, Think of Something!”

Rookie target practice: Right, ok. So do we need to head to this 'squat hole' then? Where's that? I'm not too hot on the geography round here just yet.

Moustachioed calliaphone nodnods. She's not the world's greatest navigator herself, but she gets out a map and turns it round and over a few times before realising it's the OS Bucks&Berks one. “damn damn, hangabout.”

Moustachioed calliaphone exchanges the map for an Island one, which looks like it might've been used as a towel-picnic-cloth-wrapping-paper-handkerchie f at various points in its life. She opens it out.

Rookie target practice furrows his brow a little. He looks over Callia's shoulder at the map. “Er. . . I'm pretty sure Cheddington isn't on this island, Calli. . .”

Moustachioed calliaphone points, on the map, to a blob. oh, wait that's a ketchup stain. She points again, to a blob marked SH, co-ords 10,17. She says, “it's about 12 clicks that way” she waves north. . .

Moustachioed calliaphone adds, “and then one click, uhm. . .” she waves more vaguely, but possibly westwards.

Rookie target practice checks his bag and finds a couple of medkits and a small pile of rations. “Huh, should be okay as long as we don't get chased by anything with too many teeth.”

Moustachioed calliaphone nods. She says, “we'd better travel separately. in case, y'know . . . we're followed.” it's not clear how this will help, but . . . it feels kinda Right.

Moustachioed calliaphone puts her cart into gear, and starts maneouvring it round, ready to make her exit. She looks round surreptitiously, and straightens her moustache.

Rookie target practice nods. He's a little unnerved by that 'tache still, so is quite happy to be as far away from it as possible. He's fairly sure that a really top-quality, A1 moustache shouldn't have teeth.

Moustachioed calliaphone would have Target know that her moustache is absolutely top-notch, and has seen her out of more scrapes than she can remember. Although that might just be because she forgets a lot.

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “right then, meet you at Squat Hole. let's hope The Law don't show up or nothin'.” and she pedals out into the jungle.

Rookie target practice would likely have not been surprised by that fact. It looks quite mean, and could probably hold its own in a fight if required.

Rookie target practice takes a deep breath, prays to Indy to keep him safe, and pushes open the gate. “Here goes nothing.” He mutters, mainly to himself.

In Squat Hole

Jon Bishop hacks spit into the skronky pot. “Only 25 reck?! That one was three times the size of average spit!”

Jon Bishop grumbles as he turns away. “Fucking midgets..cheap bastards.”

Jon Bishop glances downward at a dead skunk. He jerks back. “Oh crap! Oh, uh. Dead.” He pretends it never happened.

Jon Bishop lumbers into the cafe. The whole town might be shit, but the food is sometimes tolerable. . .sometimes.

Moustachioed calliaphone pedals her cart into town, and parks it in an alleyway beside the gym. She proceeds to skulk, watching out for her helper. Or any signs of The Law.

Rookie target practice staggers through the gate, bleeding in at least ten different places, and covered in what you can only hope is saliva.

Moustachioed calliaphone forgets the skulking for a moment, and hurries out of the shadows. “aargh, Target, what happened out there?”

Rookie target practice mutters to himself “Hey Targ, look on the bright side, you just trapsed halfway across a monster-infested island to help some nutbar of a girl dig a hole. At least it can only get better, huh?

Moustachioed calliaphone gives Target a confused look. “nutbar of a girl? where?” she looks round the outpost. “i thought you'd come here to help me!”

Rookie target practice smiles the bright, half-crazed smile of a man that has just had a really bad day. “The creatures round here got. . . uh, 'frisky'. I think it's the home-made beer. It attracts them.”

Moustachioed calliaphone knows that smile. She tsks. “here.” she hands him a chocomilk, and then returns to looking round the outpost. “we better not hang around. you up to diggin? i scouted here a bit earlier.”

Moustachioed calliaphone points to an area between two refuse heaps. “ground's sorta softish over there, so hopefully won't be too bad. i'll get The Shovel, 'kay?” and she darts to the back of her cart.

Rookie target practice shrugs. At least this is the easy bit. It can't be any worse than being chased a mile and a half by an amorous giant pinata. . .”Sure. Just throw me the shovel and show me where.“

Moustachioed calliaphone tugs back the blanket, revealing the EVIDENCE. One shiny brand-new shovel. She looks round, but sees nobody except her and Target. so she pulls it out of the cart and hands it over.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit runs in “Wait!” she shouts bouncing on one foot and trying to dislodge a vine wrapped around her ankle.

Rookie target practice turns the shovel over in his hands a couple of times. Looks like a perfectly normal shovel to him. “Huh. you've come this far, might as well dig the damn hole, I guess.” he mutters to himself

Moustachioed calliaphone jumps out of her skin. at this rate, if she has any skin left it's a miracle. she says, “WAAUGHHH! THE LAW” and dives into a refuse heap.

Rookie target practice stops mid-shovel. “What now?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit shouts “Where?!” she spins around, and loses balance and collapses in a heap.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit kicks at the vine “Get off! Get off!”

Rookie target practice headtilts at the cowering Callia. He looks from the refuse pile, across to Rabbit, then back again. He shrugs and continues to dig.

Moustachioed calliaphone peers out from beneath a mouldy old mattress, and whimpers. “Oh no, Rabbit, they've got Rabbit! this is TERRIBLE!”

Abundantly Ari skips into Squat Hole, her nose wrinkling at the smell

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit pulls out a throwing star and hacks at the vine “Take that! You. Stupid. . .. Thing!”

Moustachioed calliaphone is torn. She should be helping Rabbit fight off the long strangler vines of The Law. but . . . she's in this lovely safe pile of rubbish.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn skitters in, looking both terrified and determined at the same time. She is rather pointedly avoiding Rabbit's view as she approaches Calliaphone, hissing and chittering.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit doesn't see Ferryn, as she is busy hacking at vines.

Rookie target practice grabs the shovel, bringing it smartly down edge-first on the trailing vine. He then promptly drops it on his foot. “FUUU” -he spots Rabbit-”. . …dge?“ He whimpers, limping back to the hole

Moustachioed calliaphone sees that Rabbit is getting the upper hand in the struggle. Emboldened, she emerges. If she's being framed as a Bold and Daring Criminal, she may as well live up to it. “uh, y'alright Rabbit?”

Moustachioed calliaphone looks up at Ferryn in nothing short of terror. “whaah? whassamatter? i din't do it i wasn't there it wasn't me i swear it!”

Abundantly Ari peers at the mustachioed fellow, he lookz

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit flops down “Oh, um, yeah. I wanted to help.”

Abundantly Ari looks at the mustachioed fellow, he looks awfully familiar

Moustachioed calliaphone sees Ari, and waves frantically while attempting to hide from Ferryn, behind Black Rabbit.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn leaps back a bit and continues her chittery assault. “youyouyoutookherstuff. Callia's stuff! Giveback give give.”

Rookie target practice finishes digging the hole, sweat pouring down his head. He turns to Callia. “Right, what now?”

Abundantly Ari waves back and skips over “hello mister”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit looks up from the ground “Who took Calli's stuff?”

Moustachioed calliaphone blinks, and looks round to see who Ferryn's pointing at. The Master Criminal is here?

Jon Bishop steps out of the cafe, munching on a kebab. He spits out a toenail. Jon is currently outfitted with a homemade Mexican poncho, covering his usual attire.

Rookie target practice is suddenly aware that they have some company. He hefts the shovel, attempting to look as threatening as it's possible to look when you're gasping for air and covered in saliva.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn is pointing quite insistantly (and shakily) at Calliaphone!

Moustachioed calliaphone peers at Target from her hiding place behind Black Rabbit. “ooh” she says, “you done a lovely job! right, we better put the shovel in the hole now.”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit looks between Ferryn and Calli “Really?”

Moustachioed calliaphone does not realise the brave Ferryn is pointing at her. she looks round again, and sees . . . ohh no!. “quick!” she hisses to Target. “hide the Shovel, hide it!”

Rookie target practice steps back, keeping his eyes on Ferryn and Ari, and drops the shovel intp the hole. “Okay then, Callia - now how do we bury it, bearing in mind our primary digging implement is in the hole?”

Moustachioed calliaphone hastily positions herself between Target and Bishop, so the shovel isn't in plain view.

Jon Bishop scans the surroundings, eventually spotting a hole. He heads over with extreme interest. “A hole! Good to see others embracing salvation. Have you been digging for long, or are you a rookie?!”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn bounces back from the groups, still fidgeting anxiously. Every now and then she chrrups a bit.

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “gahh,” and attempts to head Bishop off before he can See Anything! “h'llo Bishop this is Target he's a nice chap jus' like you an why're you wearing a poncho?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit runs over to put herself between Bishop and the hole. “We've been doing it for a long time. . .yeah. Longe. . ..time.”

Rookie target practice looks at Jon. “Me? I wasn't aware there were levels of experience in hole-digging. I guess that makes me a rookie in the field.”

Abundantly Ari blinks “why is the shovel in the hole?” it seems like an awfully nice shovel, is somehting wrong with it?

Rookie target practice politely but firmly positions himself between Ari and the shovel. “Ah. That would be my old shovel. I got a newer one, and didn't want this one any more.”

Jon Bishop frowns, getting turned away. “Why can't I see the hol- uh..Hello..target.” He then answers the next question. “Poncho? What about it? Uhm, uh. It's not for anything..I'm just uh, uh.”

Jon Bishop contiues. “Uhm, uh. For style! Yes. The poncho is for style.”

Rookie target practice nods to Bishop.

Jon Bishop squints at Callia. “Uh, who the hell are you again?”

Abundantly Ari tilts her head “can I have it?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit nods “Yeah. Style. That's it.”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn does not look pleased. Once again she darts in the direction of Calliaphone, still chirping accusations.

Moustachioed calliaphone looks at Bishop like he's taken leave of his . . . oh, waitaminute, disguise. And that's when she notices his shovel. His old shovel. On his back like usual. She boggles.

Rookie target practice shakes his head. “I'm afraid not. Uh. . . it. . . it's been infused with improbability! Yes! That's it! It's an improbable spade! It's highly dangerous!”

Moustachioed calliaphone backs away from Ferryn, saying “i DIN'T i DIN'T i'm BEING FRAMED CAN'T YA SEE?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit pauses “What's wrong Ferryn?”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn sputters. “Yesyoudid! You'renotCallia but you had herstuff! Giveitbackgiveitbackgiveitback!”

Abundantly Ari tries to peer around Target “can it do magic?”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn is clearly resisting some sort of urge to do something when she's noticed by Rabbit.

Jon Bishop turns his head to target practice at the mention of “spade”. “Huh? Hey, that's..” He pauses. “Shovels are immune to such hindrances like 'improbability'! They are perfect already!”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit says, “It's not Callia? But. . .” she now very confused.

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “butbut i AM, no wait, i mean, i'm not, i mean er. . .” what to do what to do?

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit turns away from Ferryn to look at Calli “What?”

Rookie target practice sidesteps to block Ari's gaze. He turns his head to Bishop: “Ah, yes. . . shovels are, but not spades. Very dangerous things, spades. If they get any improbability in them. . . whooeee.”

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “gahh” and tries to Explain. “it's ME, look” she tugs off the moustache, briefly. “see? i'm in disguise 'cause i'm on the RUN an' if we don't get that shovel hidden soon. . .”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn relaxs once Rabbit's gaze is off her and starts spitting out more accusations. They're starting to get a bit mean.

Rookie target practice remembers Ari's question. “Not. . . reeeeally. It can, but not the kind of magic you want it to. If you try to magic up some cakes, you might end up with a very angry tortoise. . . or something. Yeah”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn pauses her tirade of accusations, but is clearly not entirely convinced. She backs off slightly, giving Possibly-Calliaphone a shifty look.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit nods along with Target “Bad Magic.” she agrees.

Moustachioed calliaphone lifts her bowler too, and points to her accordion. “s'ME” she confirms. “but i'm being framed for a crime i din't commit!”

Jon Bishop whips his own spade from his back. “Really? I mean, I know my shovels. I'm a professional.” He glances at the hole. What shoddy work! He rams his shovel into the ground.

Abundantly Ari nods “its just like me then!”

Jon Bishop begins making adjustments to the already made hole. “Let me just patch it up here..straighten things out here. . .”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn goes entirely quiet, still mildly suspicious. What is this. She is confused.

Moustachioed calliaphone explains a bit further to Ferryn. “there wuz THEIVES see? in the coach-house. they took Bishop's ol' shovel and left me with this new one so's i can take the rap for stealin' it no doubt an-”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit looks on in horror at Bishop improving the hole.

Rookie target practice mugs desperately. “Ah, but don't forget that the relative soil density here is very poor for accurate, efficient digging. Sure, in a mud-based clay I'd be able to do better, but what can ya do?”

Moustachioed calliaphone pauses. something about this whole situation isn't quite adding up, but she's darned if she can put her finger on it. she says, “they stole my bikini-top too” and frowns.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn makes a very quiet “mmmn” of agreement. It's hard to tell if she's embarassed over this, or something else entirely.

Rookie target practice places a hand on Bishop's shoulder, trying to turn him away from the hole. “So, what's this I hear about a two-point-five stroke system they're using out East these days? What's that all about?”

Moustachioed calliaphone turns towards the diggers, eyes half-shut in concentration. she trips over a dead skunk, and stumbles, flailing towards him. “wauugh!” as she falls, she catches Bishop's poncho hem. there's a riiiip.

Jon Bishop responds to target practice. “Relative soil..what the hell are you going on about? There's always a way to work around every digging scenario!”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit yelps and jumps out of the way of the falling Callia.

Jon Bishop 's poncho is gripped onto. “Wait no stop! Shit!” The poncho is torn off of his body, revealing a khaki and beige bikini top fastened around his chest, on top of his other clothing.

Abundantly Ari feels rather bad for that shovel, she hopes no one thinks to bury her if she gets improbablized again!

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit giggles at the sight of Bishop in a bikini.

Moustachioed calliaphone rolls to a halt, holding onto the poncho. She blinks, and stares. “uhhh. . .”

Rookie target practice stands there gaping. He was wrong. Today could get weirder after all.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn has clearly determined that everyone here is nutters. She wanders her way over to Target, who she thinks might be the sanest.

Abundantly Ari blinks and giggles at Bish

Jon Bishop twists his head around. “Fuck..” He stares at Callia. “What?”

Moustachioed calliaphone points to the bikini. “who- who gave you that?” never mind why're you wearing it. this is a matter of JUSTICE!

Rookie target practice has fought his inner smartass long enough. ”'Nice getup there, Priscilla.“ You can hear the smirk.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit out right laughs.

Jon Bishop presses his fingers together. “I..uh, saw it. And thought..'hey! Merlin might like this!'. And then uh, I picked it up and it latched onto me. Yeah.”

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “but, saw it where? Bishop, this is important, you gotta try an' remember! i could go to prison if you don't!”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn gives a chirpy sort of sudden laugh and peers upwards to Target. She gives him a bit of applause.

Moustachioed calliaphone might be making this up. she has been known to . . . elaborate on the truth. does the island even have a prison?

Abundantly Ari looks rather deep in thought, for Ari at least, is there a prison on the island?

Jon Bishop bites his lip. “Uhm, it was uh, with other stuff.”

Moustachioed calliaphone blinks. “other stuff? what other-” waitaminutewaitaminute. “wuz it with . . . your shovel?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit manages to stop laughing. She sits up and watches the exchange and wonders who will do the arresting. Swede maybe?

Rookie target practice nods at Bishop - “Riiiight, but let me guess, the tights and high heels made your ankles look fat?”

Abundantly Ari still really wants that shovel. . .

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit shakes her head. “Swede wouldn't do that. . .” she says to herself.

Jon Bishop looks side to side. “Uhm. It was uh, around where I got mine back..”

Moustachioed calliaphone looks at Target. “tights? high heels? you know about this? where wuz it? i need to know where the stuff wuz found so's i can catch the thief an' prove i din't DO IT!”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn snrfks. She shouldn't be laughing at this! But she is.

Jon Bishop looks to target practice. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit asks “Who thinks you did it Calli?”

Abundantly Ari looks between the two “so whose gettin arrested? I got a dungeon if we can't find jail” then when they are all gone she can get the shovel!

Jon Bishop lifts a brow. “What? Why do you need to prove you didn't steal your own stuff?”

Rookie target practice 's eyes slam open in horror. “Wait, there really WERE tights and high heels?” He looks at Bishop, retches a little and shudders.

Moustachioed calliaphone says to Rabbit, “i . . . there wuz a footprint. in the mud outside the coach-house. a p'liceman's footprint. i thought. . . i never thought . . .” she never thought it might've just been Swede's.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit wonders how a policeman's footprint is different from other footprints “Did you ask him?” she asks.

Moustachioed calliaphone knows a policeman's bootprint when she sees it! but possibly, an ex-policeman's might look similar. her expression turns sheepish. “er. . . not as such. i din't think of Swede. i jus' thought”

Moustachioed calliaphone perhaps didn't actually think. she says, “y'know. . . The Law. i figured they wuz onto me.” and to Bishop, she just stares. “my own. . .? but your . . . the shovel.” she points to his old shovel.

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit says, “But if The Law was someone nice maybe they'd listen? Do you think?”

Jon Bishop winces. “What? Did I say yours? I-uh. I-uh.” He mumbles. “Well you uh, took mine so I got it back.”

Rookie target practice is pondering whether the hole is deep enough to bury the memories of the past twelve hours. Of course it isn't. Nothing could be.

Jon Bishop would find such a thought nonsense. Holes can fix everything.

Abundantly Ari shimmies towards the hole, she isn't sure whats going on but this might be her chance

Poseable Plastic Ferryn tilts her head and peers up to Target. She gives a curious stare to his expression.

Moustachioed calliaphone pauses, about to explain to Target why tights and high heels are the least he has to worry about, and to Rabbit why The Law is not usually nice. She gapes at Bishop. “y-you took it?”

Jon Bishop defends himself. “Well you took it first!”

Moustachioed calliaphone says, “i didn't! you gave it to me! an' then it disappeared an' this other one appeared” on the same day, fancy that. she looks at Target. “we still got to bury this'n, anyway!”

Moustachioed calliaphone means bury the other shovel, of course. not bury Target. she doesn't make a habit of burying rookies.

Jon Bishop grunts. “No..you kind of..ran off before I could get it back. I uhm. Uh. Went over and got it back.”

Moustachioed calliaphone nodnods. “well, that's a relief at anyrate. i didn't know how i wuz gonna break it to you, that i lost it. but c'mon, we have to bury this new one, quick. it's EVIDENCE, y'see.”

Rookie target practice nods at Callia. He turns to Bishop. “Well then, Rupaul, we could all fill this hole in with our hands, or you can pass me that shovel.” He holds out his hand.

Abundantly Ari is right beside the hole now, there is the shovel right there, just gotta hop down and grab it

Jon Bishop frowns, stepping closer to the hole. “Evidence of what?”

Moustachioed calliaphone grins with relief at Target. at least someone's got some sense round here! She looks at Bishop like he's a little hard of thinking. “of the crime, of course!”

Jon Bishop jerks his head to the side at target practice's request. “Fill in a hole?! No. I can't let you do that. Holes are not meant to be filled.”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn scurries her way closer to the mysterious hole, seeing if she can. . .well, see inside.

Abundantly Ari nodnods “Can't fill, guess the shovel can't be buried”

Rookie target practice sighs. “Look, the quicker that shovel gets buried, the quicker we all go home and forget about this. I promise you the only person I'll be telling about this is my therapist.” The hand stays

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit asks “But. . .whose shovel is that?”

Moustachioed calliaphone looks at Rabbit, and then at the shiny new shovel in the hole. “well that's the POINT isn't it! it's stolen goods! what someone put in my cart the same day Bishop took his own shovel 0ut-”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit says, “So someone gave it to you?”

Rookie target practice slaps the charlimit troll. The hand stays outstretched towards Bishop.

Jon Bishop grumbles, holding up his shovel defensively. “There will not be any hole filling here.”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit says ”'cause I don't think you can steal something if it doesn't belong to anyone. . .“

Abundantly Ari looks at the shovel, its awful big, might be hard to hide

Poseable Plastic Ferryn glances to everyone - good, they're distracted. She hops into the hole!

Moustachioed calliaphone slaps her forehead. “well of course i didn't steal it! i would never steal nothin'” let's not analyse that double negative, okay? “someone's trying to frame me, by stashing it in my cart!”

Rookie target practice steps towards Bishop.”That's an awful nice costume you're wearing right there. I probably know a few people in the Bordello that would be interested in seeing you in that. . . Shovel, please.“

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit says, “Couldn't we give it to someone? You know, so they could, I dunno, look for clues or something?”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn peers out of the whole, then cups her hands slightly and starts digging at the walls of the hole, working to try to collapse it.

Jon Bishop holds his shovel like a sword. Blackmail will never break the beautiful bond between a man and his shovel.”What the hell is a Bordello?“ He looks to Callia. “Uhm. This shovel..”

Jon Bishop adds, “What's it..look like?”

Rookie target practice shakes his head. Figures. The guy probably knows every second-hand Shovel-merchant between here and the mainland, but doesn't even know what a bordello is. He sighs, turns and heads for the hole

Moustachioed calliaphone stares at Bishop. and then points to the shovel in the hole. “like that.” she says.

Moustachioed calliaphone blinks a little, since the shovel is now accompanied by a Ferryn. “er, like that shovel, i mean”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn can be hears scuffling through the dirt. The walls of the hole are slowly crumbling inwards.

Abundantly Ari looks innocent as attention returns the hole and shovel

Jon Bishop glances downward. “A bit of stone..a bit of steel..” He pauses. “Ah! Uhm. . .Callia. I uh. Sort of, left that one behind. As a uh, gift. Yeah.”

Moustachioed calliaphone glances at Ari. she's looking awfully inncoent suddenly. she puts two and three together and makes a muddle. “Ari! wuz it YOU!?”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit claps her hands “Ha! I knew it!”

Moustachioed calliaphone takes a moment, for Bishop's words to catch up with her. She looks round at him, still pointing at Ari. “huhh?”

Abundantly Ari blinks “What was me?” she swings down to snatch the shovel and backs away

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit mumbles “About it being a present. Not Ari. . .”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn has collapsed the hole into a loose dip of dirt. She starts to surface, perching on the shovel handle sticking out.

Rookie target practice hops into the hole and gently picks up Ferryn, placing her on the side before climbing back out. “Cal, we burying this or not?” he says, head tilting to one side, suppressing a yawn.

Transcendent Grand Lord Elevated Badass of the Gods Praco walks in doing little hoppy steps as he rides an imaginary mount.

Poseable Plastic Ferryn has apparently been snatched away with the shovel! “aaaaugh!”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn has been dislodged from the shovel and s et on the side of the hole, where she promptly goes limp.

Moustachioed calliaphone 's gaze swings from Target to Ari to Rabbit to Bishop. she says, “a present? you left . . . it's not . . . i'm not. . . ” she boggles.

Jon Bishop looks to the small dip that was once a hole. “What! What have you done! No..” He heads over to it, quickly using his own shovel to fix the damage. “I'll save you hole! Hold on!”

Moustachioed calliaphone is still Reasoning. she looks at Target. “a . . . gift. not stolen . . . means . . . not evidence?” she beams at him. “p'raps we don't need to after all! unless, y'know, y'WANT to.”

Jon Bishop sighs in relief. The hole seems to be in working order once more. He happily hops out, heading back over to the group.

Abundantly Ari darts out of the south-east gate during the deliberations, clutching the shovel before her

Moustachioed calliaphone would not wish to prevent anyone from burying a shovel, if they wanted to. the world's full of nutters, but she's not one to judge! she says, “it'll be easier now, with another shovel handy”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn gets back to her feet, skittering far out of Rabbit and Praco's view. She scowls as her work is undone.

Moustachioed calliaphone realises she spoke to soon. “well, uhh, it'll be easy once you've got it back from Ari, that is.”

Rookie target practice shrugs. “A spade is a spade. There doesn't seem to be anyone else around here that wants it - I know I sure as hell don't.”

Moustachioed calliaphone points to disappearing Ari. “er. . . well, i think mebbe she wanted it. But you can always ask her nicely for it back, if y'wanna bury it so badly.”

Rookie target practice watches the gate slam behind Ari. “Oh, for the love of. . .”

Moustachioed calliaphone pats Target sympathetically on the shoulder. “don'worry friend. i'll put in a good word for ya. i'm sure she'll let you borrow it sometimes, for burying. temporarily.”

Rookie target practice looks at Callia. “I'm done digging for one day. If she wants it, let her have it, I guess.”

Moustachioed calliaphone smiles. “ahh, you're a good sorta bloke, Target. i'll have to buy you a beer sometime.” she'll probly need to borrow the reqs from him first. but hey.

Jon Bishop leans on his shovel. “Uh, Callia.” He points to his chest. “How the helldoIgetthisoff?”

Poseable Plastic Ferryn hunkers down under a pile of rubbish and grumbles to herself.

Moustachioed calliaphone looks up at Bishop, and breaks into a grin. “turn round” she says.

Rookie target practice nods and gestures to Bishop. “Only if you promise to keep Frank N Furter here in clothes that belong to him.” He pats Calli on the shoulder. “You're a special kind of crazy, you know?”

Jon Bishop eagerly turns.

Moustachioed calliaphone beams at Target. “why thankyou!” she says. and neatly unhooks Bishop's bikini-top fastening. “there y'go!”

Jon Bishop lets out a breath. “Whew! Glad that shit's over.”

Moustachioed calliaphone pats Bishop on the shoulder. “may it be a lesson to you!” it's not clear what about, exactly. she grins. “and thankyouforthepresent!”

Warrant Officer Black Rabbit hasn't even noticed that Praco can't speak. He was always good at listening ”. . .He got it to say sorry 'cause he gave me a cig and I almost blew up New Home, but I didn't and he didn't know. . .“

Rookie target practice turns to Calli, grins broadly and then with an almost audible 'tiiiiiimbeeeer', slowly falls backwards, rigid. He hits the floor and lays there, snoring gently.

Moustachioed calliaphone is suddenly exhausted! All this escaping from the law and burying evidence and solving mysteries has worn her out. she yawwns. “i gotta go sleep.” she says.

Jon Bishop thinks on this. “Oh! Right, uh, no problem! But uh, looks like someone else got a hold of it.”

Moustachioed calliaphone eyes Target's chosen bunkhouse dubiously, then goes and fetches a spare blanket from her cart, and drapes it over him. Hopefully no-one'll steal it while he sleeps.

Jon Bishop nods. “Right, okay. Enjoy the sleep!”

Moustachioed calliaphone nods to Bishop. “s'right! sharesies, see?” and with another grin, she takes the bikini top out of his hands, and says, “seeyalater folks!” she waves it, flaglike, as she climbs into her cart

Moustachioed calliaphone engages the gears, and pedals out of town, still waving the bikini top aloft.

In Improbable Central

Abundantly Ari runs in from Squat Hole out of breath, shovel safe, its an awfully familiar shovel. . . is it Calli too?

Abundantly Ari concludes after careful inspection that it is not in fact Calli and grins, she has a shovel now!

Abundantly Ari tugs the shovel behind her into the Commons