(Music by the Old Crow Medicine Show, words by SinkOrSwim)

Down in NewHome, on the Island, in 2155
A Rookie, 'bout 5-foot-10, not much different 'n you or I
He's dodgin' monsters, just getting drunk
Then the Dojo called, it called him up
Send him to the Tent again.
That young man
He got picked out from the crowd
While his friends were cheering loud
Gonna come back with his head bowed
For a reason he didn't even know about

He was drinkin' in the 'Kitty when his Master he appeared
See his spork and his pink panties, and his face a-full of fear
Gotta move quick-time, back to NewHome
Gonna be a quick fight, gonna be a short show
Then we'll send him to the Tent again
Our young friend
Got hisself turned upside down
Bounced head first off the ground
Picked back up and spun around
Tryin' to find out what all this stuff's about

Cause in Basic it was borin', and the Corporal he was loud
And he weren't payin' attention to the words that was bawlin' out
You gotta fight your master, and level up
Get better armour, and watch your buffs
And talk to the ones who know
They ain't so slow
Ask for some advice
Try and act nice
And they'll be polite
They've seen it all before.

On patrol out in the Jungle, young Rookie found the Drive
And he knew that he would have to fight to make it out alive
Then the fire started flying
And he dropped his grenades
And he thought about the Dojo
And he ran away
You'll find him in the Tent again