alcohol

Alcohol

A magical, life-lengthening substance that'll put hair on your chest and increase your shoe size by at least 2 inches¹⁾. Currently the Third most important invention know to man.²⁾

Production

Alcohol is made by combining 2 parts Joy, 1 part Stress Relief, 3 parts Water, 1/2 parts Unicorn Blood³⁾, and 1/2 parts Hobo Vomit⁴⁾ in a pressure cooker for 3 days.

Alcohol Throughout History

It is a little known fact that those who participated in dumping the tea into the harbor at the Boston Tea Party were completely smashed.
From the time he assumed control of France to his death, Napoleon was not sober for more that 2 hours.
A closely guarded secret of the Japanese, the first Emperor was chosen by a Sake-Bomb drinking contest. ⁵⁾

Forms of Alcohol

Beer
Wine ⁶⁾.
Spirits, such as Rum, Vodka, and Gin
Liqueurs, flavored or sugared alcohols

¹⁾

If you know what I mean.

²⁾

First is Alcohol Ice-cream. Second is Irish Coffee. Because two miracles>One miracle

³⁾

this is the evil part. all good drinks are a bit evil, and unicorns are the most evil creatures of all.

⁴⁾

To give it that kick.

⁵⁾

On a slightly related note, Japanese bomber pilots in WWII would drink sake before going on bombing runs or suicide missions, making them sake-bombers.

⁶⁾

No man may drink wine unless in the presence of a woman also drinking wine. Any nearby men may revoke one of the wino's man-cards so long as a witness is present.