These pages were located in the swamp at 16, 14. We are unaware who the owner of said pages is, or, indeed, what they even say, as they were printed in a cipher.
The pages are duplicated here, exactly as seen, in hopes of finding the original owner.
<The drive has seen fit to remove from me my eidetic memory. I am left without the one infallibly reliable thing I have had in my life and, if I am to be entirely honest, I am scared.
Pod suggested to me I take up keeping one of these, and so here I find myself. Writing down my thoughts, for the first time out of a necessity to bolster my memory.
I am no stranger to taking notes, but those were more for the sake of actively musing to myself somewhere that was neither in my own head nor aloud. I am incredibly glad that I had developed this habit, or else months of detailed observation would have been lost.
I have been going through what relatively meager memories I still have and have discovered that I retain a small amount of total recall. I can remember in perfect clarity any points in time in which I was intensely concentrated. I am hoping to, in the future, take advantage of this. However, since I do not know the exact limitations, or side effects, I hesitate to over use it.
I have divided this journal into four sections. The preface, people, events, and miscellanea.>1)
<One benefit to this loss of memory capacity is the fact that what I can recall of life before Pod is dimmer than it would have been. She is such an amazing human being, and being around her brings me so much happiness.
I cannot say I am in love, as I do not know what love is
But I know what I felt for Cadye. I know that that was strong and that it will never go away entirely. And I know what Pod makes me feel is markedly different and significantly stronger.
I cannot say that this is not simply a matter of varying degrees of infatuation, as I have no prior experience to compare it to.
But I do not want it to be. And I do not think it is.>
<While I am writing about Pod, allow me to address the object I am using to write. This pen, a very large step up from the one I have been using, was given as a gift to me by her. She obtained it in Ebenezer and Marly's store.
Of the two of us, she is easily the more thoughtful.>
<Tonight was. . . tonight was significant.
Pod came into the commons, where she found me in my new form. We shared a drink, a kiss, and then, I must admit, I did a bit of showing off with my new found teleportation.
We went back to the clan hall. The conversation turned to my newly developed abilities and, for some reason, the notion came over me to let her experience the power in my left hand first hand. I do not know why.
As we touched, I began to see things. Blurry at first, but getting clearer the longer we held contact. I also began to comprehend this ability.
It is reassurance.
It is knowledge that everything can be alright.
And we together saw that everything can turn out alright for Pod.
And that I could be there with her.
We can make it.>
But I love you. . .
<There is a term that, until recently, I had never applied to anyone in my life.
'Best friend.'
Cadye Willfan is my best friend.>
<I spoke with Cadye a few nights ago out in the jungle. She seemed rather exhausted from what had apparently been a train of rather rough days.
During our conversation I was told what, exactly, she is. Not in great detail, but I now know the basics. Certainly more than I need to know.
I will not be writing it in here. In the event someone were to obtain and decipher this book, her secret will remain safely with me.
I see her so protective and caring with that new alce companion of hers. I see her so concerned over the well being of Zolotisty. And I stand by my previous statement. No matter what she may believe, she is a person.
And certainly a better one than I am.>
<Earlier today I was visiting the tree in order to make sure everything was in order. I encountered there, one of the newer members of our clan, Pyre Kasen.
His personality is rather. . . coarse.
Talking to him caused me to wonder if that is what I once was like. I would like to think that I had a little more tact than that.
So it seems that at least one member other than Pod and myself is in on the surprise, hopefully he can keep a secret.>
<Tonight we reveal to the rest of the clan our new hall. Hopefully everything goes off without a hitch.>
<It was obviously too much to hope for. Things did not go well. What, I ask, what was Korbel thinking? His actions could have resulted in all of us being killed. The reveal of our new hall was overshadowed entirely, and almost no one was happy or interested enough to stay.
Silcatra has stated an intent to leave the clan.
Mercury, however, was a pleasant surprise. Her second day as a member and something like this happens, and she takes it in stride.
She stayed, long after everyone else had gone, and she, Pod, and I began setting up her room.
A silver lining.>
<Silcatra has left. I spoke with Korbel.
I am tired.>
<Upon defeating the drive I felt… oddly re-energized. In addition, my sore throat was gone. This was not a normal occurrence. I had been reconfigured before, and yes, it left me repaired from injuries I'd sustained, but this never happened the times I had defeated the drive and remained in the same form. And it certainly seemed it had allowed me to remain human.
The first abnormality I noticed was my change of wardrobe. The color scheme had remained unchanged, but the actual items of clothing had been transfigured.
My shirt had become collared, pinstriped, and long-sleeved. My jeans had become trousers. I had a fairly good idea what had happened.
My suspicions were confirmed when, upon thinking about heading back to the common grounds, I found myself ringed by black fire one second, surrounded by green steam and standing in the commons the next.
I am a joker.>
<My abilities seem limited. Where I have seen other jokers using improbability to accomplish a myriad of things, I seem to have only my teleportation.
This is either a handicap. . . or a chance for specialization.>
<Quite by accident I have discovered two additional abilities. I have been in a rather foul mood of late and when Xane told me he had recruited Silcatra (an issue addressed elsewhere) I grew furious. I decided to walk away, but Xane grabbed my right arm.
And regretted it.
Something came over him. I needed to know what. So I tracked him to the failboat.
Apparently, in coming in contact with me, he experienced Xavier's murder of his wife again.
He was shaken to say the least.
Some other events transpired and I ended up grabbing his shoulder with my left hand.
And apparently things were repaired.
I noticed a green mist around the hand.
This requires further study.>
<I have been feeling somehow, different. I, of course, expected the addition of a new emotion or two to my spectrum, that is simply how things have gone thus far, but this does not feel like that.
Honestly, I cannot even think of an emotion that I am still lacking that could have been added.
But something is new.
I am still myself, but I feel more. . . relaxed would be the word.
I have not felt the need to conceal how I am feeling to the extent I have in the past. I have been acting on those feelings.
I would not have, in the past, confronted Xane or Silcatra as I did, though I certainly would have felt the same about what had happened.
And I am seeing things in ways I had not before. Approaching them in ways I would not before.
What is this?>
<Since losing my eidetic memory, I have been forced to add a table of contents to this notebook. Before I simply knew which page everything was on after I had gone through and numbered them. This will take some getting used to.>
<It occurs to me that I should have realized my eidetic memory was fading, or already gone at a point earlier than I did. When I was looking for a gift for Pod it should have occured to me, long before it did, that she liked cheese. I am no good at shopping, but that was matter of memory, not just incompetence.>
<Despite the fact that I had difficulty recalling what I said to Pod that night, I remember, exactly, what she said to me. It is one of the few memories I retain with total recall.>
<That was a bizarre dream.>
<Seth has been introduced to my wrath. Let that be a lesson to him.>
<The ability to appear and disappear is. . . interesting.
I do not know if the same applies to every joker, but in my case it feels exactly the same as walking from point a to point b. I feel as if I have lost exactly as much stamina as if I had just gone the normal way. But it is far more expedient.
Also, I discovered its activation is almost instinctual. When I wish to be somewhere, I am there. Unless I actually think of it as “walk to clan hall” I will simply appear there.
For some reason, there are visual cues when I use this ability. The vast majority of Jokers I have seen do not have this problem. My leading theory is it being due to the drive having a sense of irony.>
<These two additional powers seem to be improbability influenced extensions of what I have always had the ability to do.
They are my ability to observe and take advantage of others' emotions multiplied to the nth degree.
One to cause harm in my right hand.
One to do good in my left.>