Walkin' the streets of NewHome an' lookin' for something t'maim,

I ran into a Joker-man who offered me a game,

It wasn't the sort of game a girl like me would normally play,

But with a blink and a roll of dice I lost my heart that day.

So I went to visit Mr. Stern for his advice and tea, and here's what he said to me: 


Don't give your heart to a Joker if it's love you want to feel,

Don't give your heart to a Joker for you'll lose out on the deal,

Don't give your heart to a Joker no matter the games he'll play,

For if you give your heart to a Joker then he'll wager it away, away, away, oh he'll wager it away HEY!


So I wandered the streets of NewHome and I met a burly Rook,

Naked as a jaybird with his dignity forsook,

I offered him my panties and he stared  like I'd grown a head,

So I left him there a'shiverin', for Pleasantville instead!


I'd give my heart to a Human and he'd sing the NewHome song,

I'd give my heart to a Human and he'd teach it to sing along,

I'd give my heart to a Human and he'd BANG it thrice a day,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away, 
Oh he wagered it away, HEY!


Now Pleasantville's a pleasant place if you don't mind the slime,

If you're willing to put up with all the whining and the rhyme,

Their poetry is terrible but their tentacles are long,

And Cuthbert makes them practice so their tongues are nice and strong, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Mutant, Unrepentantly,

I'd give my heart to a Mutant for his stam would never flee,

I'd give my heart to a Mutant and his poetry I'd say,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away
Oh he wagered it away HEY!


Kittania's the place to be, if tail's the thing you seek,

Kittymorphs like nudity, and the pussies are nice and sleek,

They're easily distracted by their shinies and their string,

But offer them a Tiger Balm, they'll offer you a fling, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Kittymorph and oh, my heart would purr,

I'd give my heart to a Kittymorph and it would grow some fur,

I'd give my heart to a Kittymorph and my suit would go birthday,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away
Oh he wagered it away HEY!


New Pittsburgh is a place that some would say is pretty dead,

But if you've got some BRAAAAAINS you'll know that it's the place for head,

They say that they'll eat anything and never grow quite full,

And no-one can turn down a *cough* that is detachable, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Zombie and we'll play find the BRAAAAIN,

I'd give my heart to a Zombie and it'd never again feel pain,
 
I'd give my heart to a Zombie and we'd shamble and we'd splay,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away
Oh he wagered it away HEY!


Some would say that Squat Hole is a step away from hell,

The folks are short and horrid and no-one can stand the smell,

But size is never a matter at which an Islander should sneer,

As those who work at Julia's would certainly adhere, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Midget and he'd tip my Skronky Pot,

I'd give my heart to a Midget and he'd probably get it shot

I'd give my heart to a Midget and his size would not dismay,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away
Oh he wagered it away HEY!


CC404 is an error one would gladly make,

If a solar-powered Robot were a lover one would take,

They say they never power down, attachments are galore,

Feelings are irrelevant when a drill bit's out to bore, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Robot though they aren't very tough,

I'd give my heart to a Robot and his metal I would buff,

I'd give my heart to a Robot and his parts I'd not mislay,

But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away
Oh he wagered it away HEY!


To AceHigh finally I landed on a greeneyed morn,

And found me there my Joker-man a'heartless and forlorn,

I offered him my roll o'dice, he offered me a dance,

Love's a thing Improbable unless you take the chance, oh!


I'd give my heart to a Mutant if his tentacles I'd feel, 

I'd give my heart to a Midget and he'd teach it how to steal

I'd give my heart to a Human and he'd WHOOMPH it thrice a day,
 
But I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away OH


I'd give my heart to a Robot and I'd learn to love his steel, 

I'd give my heart to a Zombie if bloodless fingers learned to feel,

I'd give my heart to the Watcher and she'd kiss it each DK, 

but I gave my heart to a Joker and he wagered it away, away, away, oh he wagered it away!