**Trains are no longer around. This page is kept solely for archival purposes.**

====== Trains ======

The pinnacle of comfort and style in Island transportation, these marvels of engineering are brought to you by the [[real_estate_listing#improbable_island_railway_company|Improbable Island Railway Company]], a massive conglomerate which is [[rumor|rumored]] to have bought out every independent playing card producer on the Island.((With so many [[joker|Jokers]] around, this would be a considerably profitable venture.)) The Company is run by a mysterious Robber Baron, who keeps his friends close and his smudged, batterd old playing cards closer.(([[lie|Speculation]] abounds that this Baron may in fact be a certain [[sessine|Count]].))

Trains make regular stops in every [[cities|outpost]], but the conductor is known to be susceptible to bribes on occasion by Very Special Passengers.((Who may or may not be holders of a fabled [[First Class Ticket]]))

[[rumor|Rumors]]((What is this, a muckraking tabloid?))((No, it's the //Enquirer//))((Same thing.))((We have, by the latest count, received seven-hundred and eighty-one complaints from other muckraking tabloids, each stating they would like not to be associated with the likes of the Enquirer, thankyouverymuch!)) also report that the [[bank_of_improbable|Central Bank of Improbable Island]] has begun using the railway system to move large sums of [[req|requisition]] between [[cities|outposts]]. [[contestant|Contestants]] are advised that such transactions are always well-guarded, and the punishment for convicted train robbers is [[death|harsh]].