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**Chapter 7 - Gopher!**
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**//HMS Bingo Hall//**

Midshipman calliaphone totters in from the kitchen, holding a fresh cold steak to her eye, and wearing a sopping wet bandage . . . no, wait, that's a tea-towel, wrapped round her hand.

Corporal Ari walks back in with a frown and flops on the couch

Corporal Ari curls up, this seems as good a place as any to nap

Jon Bishop pads back in. Status Update Detected: Walking into halls. Someone's sleeping." "Ugh. . .Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

Corporal Ari 's eyes flutter open and she sits up, hugging the pillow she was using "Oh, hello Jon"

Jon Bishop looks over, trying to hide his agitation. "Oh! Uh, erm. Hello. How. . .are you?"

Corporal Ari shrugs "Been better but okay, what about you?"

Jon Bishop holds up his arm. "It won't stop. . .it keeps blabbering on. . ." He mimicks the feminine voice of the device. "Status! You're doing something that you already known damn well that you're doing!"

Midshipman calliaphone says, "oh PHEW!" and flops down onto the sofa again. she peers over the back at the sleeping Dave. "oh bless him, look, he's all snoring."

Corporal Ari frowns and looks at the device "is that the um, tweeter thingy?"

Midshipman calliaphone says, "what's a tweeter thingie? is it like my paper canary?"

Merlin heads out of the cellar, "oh, hallo everyone."she smiles faintly at Bishop, before heading over to Callia. "I heard you got hurt, are you all right, dear?"

Confused Rookie teh Dave snrks awake, and spots calli looking over at him. He eeps a bit and yawns. "Er. . .how long was I out?"

Midshipman calliaphone looks up at Merlin, and blushes. "I, uhh. yeh." she shrinks into the cushions a bit. "i . . . Mer, s'like this y'see. I . . . went to deliver that letter of yours, like you said. For Lelila."

Midshipman calliaphone adds all in a rush, "only i got distracted see by the gophers and then he came an' caught me and he took the letter off me an' he wouldn't give it BACK and he SAID i'm a bad soldier."

Corporal Ari  looks at Dave "You are up! Asleep for about two hours I think"

Midshipman calliaphone takes a breath, and finishes, "and he ATE MY GUN."

Corporal Ari looks at Callia with concern and some indignation on her behalf

Jon Bishop lifts up a hand to Merlin. Status Update Detected: Merlin around. Need to not lie. I can't understand a word coming out of Calliaphone's mout when she talks really fast."

Merlin frowns. "KK? He didn't. . . She gestures at callia's face. "DID HE?"

Spandex is already grabbing her pack and weapons, "Who, Callia? Where are they?"

Confused Rookie teh Dave blinks. "Wait. . .ate. . .your gun?" His eyes widen. He manages a brief smile to Ari.

Spandex looks at Mer, "The cake dude? He did this?"

Midshipman calliaphone blushes even more. "er.. not exactly, no. i erm. so you see i had my hand in the gopher trap and he startled me and it sprung and got stuck. . . and then when i saluted, just to show him. . ."

Midshipman calliaphone says in a very small voice, "i sorta knocked myself out, a bit."

Midshipman calliaphone says to Dave, "yeh, ATE IT right in front of me. an' then yelled at me saying i couldn't shoot. well //duhh//."

Merlin lets out a breath. "Oh good. Didn't want to have to march over there and. . . Oh I don't know. " she smiles, "I suppose I could bagpipe while he's sleeping. . ."

Corporal Ari blinks "so. . .who ate your gun?"

Midshipman calliaphone says to Ari, "the big bloke who makes cake and has gophers and lives with Lady Lelila."

Spandex grips her pack hopefully, "You lost me, skooch. Am I storming off to slug someone or not?"

Corporal Ari tilts her head "he ate it? Wow"

Midshipman calliaphone shakes her head. "i think you better not."

Corporal Ari pauses in consideration "does this mean no gophers?"

Midshipman calliaphone looks glum. "i suppose. unless. . ." a speculative look comes over her face, almost as if she's planning another incursion.

Confused Rookie teh Dave looks back and forth between everyone. He's tempted to call out "Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!" but isn't sure anyone'd appreciate it.

Midshipman calliaphone 's backpack //scuffles// softly.

Confused Rookie teh Dave finds some marshmallows and starts munching thoughtfully. He got lost somewhere around the guy eating a gun, and figures he'll stay that way the entire conversation.

Merlin frowns at Callia. "Don't do anything rash."She sighs. "If I would have known what would have happened, I would have never asked you to take that letter. "

Corporal Ari  really wants a gopher "How does one catch a gopher?"

Midshipman calliaphone looks faintly mutinous. her backpack //squeakscufflescuffles//.

Jon Bishop eyes the group hesitantly. Status Update Detected: Hearing talk about gophers. This can't end well!

Confused Rookie teh Dave raises an eyebrow at the scuffling backpack, and pokes at it with a mittened hand.

Midshipman calliaphone knows perfectly well that if she'd stuck to delivering the letter, she'd still havea gun right now. she'd probably still have the bruises too, just from some other source.

Confused Rookie teh Dave starts as he spots a gremlin, leaning to the right, run by him, laughing.

Midshipman calliaphone 's backpack //SQUEAKSQUEAKS!//.

Midshipman calliaphone says to Ari, "i dunno, i didn't have much success. they all avoided the traps an' everything. only thing i caught was my own hand in it."

Merlin raises her eyebrow. "What's all this about gophers? and why is your backpack squeaking? G rock isn't in there, is he?"

Corporal Ari frowns and thinks, she has never tried to be a trapper before

Midshipman calliaphone frowns. "i dunno. mebbe? he took a bath in the scullery earlier, i mangled him dry. i didn't see him sneak in." she goes to open her backpack, for a look inside.

Confused Rookie teh Dave attempts to scrabble backwards from the squeaking backpack, but his progress is blocked by the wall. He stares at the backpack. "Callia, right? Your backpack. . .is squeaking. . ."

Confused Rookie teh Dave hears the word "bath" and blinks, then sniffs at himself. He nearly knocks himself back out with that, and he glances around. "Er. . .is there anywhere I could take a shower, or something?"

A small streak of brown fur shoots out of Calliaphone's backpack, squeaking in alarm. It makes straight for Bishop.

Corporal Ari looks ath Dave "I usually use the lake or river personally"

Jon Bishop screams, jerking backwards. "Oh fucking hell WHY?!" Panicked, he pulls his crossbow from his back and blindly fires.

Corporal Ari watches the critter with wide eyes

Midshipman calliaphone says, "huhh? G? what's with the brown- ohhh //WAITAMINUTE!//" and she dives after it. A crossbow bolt whizzes past her ear. "AAAGHH"

Confused Rookie teh Dave nods to Ari, hauling himself to his feet. He looks around. "Somewhere to get" He drops as Bishop's crossbow goes off, hiding back behind the couch.

Merlin dives behind the reception desk. "BE CAREFUL!"

Midshipman calliaphone flails with her top hat, trying to re-capture the gopher.

Corporal Ari  chases after Callia and the gopher in an attempt to help

Confused Rookie teh Dave huddles in the corner, staring at the crossbow bolt stuck to the wall just two feet above where his head is now.

Corporal Ari pauses, "I could show you a nice spot Dave"

 The gopher makes for the backstage area, scampering (impressively) up the steps and into the wings.

Confused Rookie teh Dave gulps. "Er. . .sure. . .can we go now? I think I'll need new pants, too. . ." He looks down at his Pyjamas, suddenly glad he hasn't eaten much the past couple days.

Jon Bishop runs in the opposite direction as everyone else, more inclined to get as far away as possible. Status Update Detected: I hatethis shit! Getting the hell out!

Midshipman calliaphone dives after it.

Merlin peeks out from behind the reception desk. "Bishop! It's ok, really." she watches the gopher. "He better not eat the costumes!" she races after callia.

Jon Bishop positions himself in the corner of the room, keeping his crossbow ready. "Not Okay! Well stop pissing it off everyone! It'll kill you!"

Corporal Ari watches the gopher and sighs then smiles at Dave "We can, thisa way" she points and heads towards the exit

Confused Rookie teh Dave follows, still wondering about pants. And whether he'll be able to get the mittens off at some point.

Jon Bishop huffs, lowering the crossbow. "Why the hell does everyone want small mammals in here."

Merlin slips out from behind the stage curtains. "Right then, it's gone." she jumps lightly from the stage and heads over to Bishop.

Jon Bishop shivers. "Define gone."

Merlin gives him a kiss before responding. "Em. . . Not in the room. but, still somewhere. . . around"

Jon Bishop kisses back, but then frowns. Status Update Detected: Clans halls now uninhabitable.

Merlin says. 'Not uninhabitable. . . just, more adventurous?"

Jon Bishop crosses his arms. "It's not exactly and adventure when someone's invading your house."

Merlin nods. "True. . . But, it's a gopher. He'll get tired of the hall eventually and make his way outside." hopefully. . .

Jon Bishop replies. "Right. . .right. . .Can we go somewhere else, maybe?"

Merlin says, "Oh yes, of course dear.Oh! Ari gave us our present, it's back at the house." she grins. "We can open it now!"

Jon Bishop turns his head. "Present?" He grips her hand. "Let's see!"

Merlin nods, and they leave.

Corporal Ari  returns looking for people and gophers and clothes

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