Dan is a former [[bartender|resident]] of New York, and is just as spiteful, malicious, and [[evil]] as the rest of the hateful [[villagers]] from that foul settlement. He may even be the original resident, as he is an out-of-work actor, evident in his improbability potions!((<del>Only two cigs a potion! What a deal!</del> Oh, the good old days. Dan used to whip up one of his four special magical recipes for you: Charm, Vitality, Health, or Transmutation.))

Dan also makes some mean ales,((but nasty beer)) which he produces in little microbrewery urns in the basement.  Ask him about his special [[gargleblaster|pan-galactic gargleblaster]] if you want the ultimate buzz-[[buff|buffs]] experience.

Dan works closely with the mysterious forces ruling Improbable Central and frequently serves as the major source for feeding their rumors into the local gossip line.  When asked about [[rumor|rumors]], Dan will send you on a [[DanQuest]] to find rare [[adjective_noun_of_noun_damn_you_dan|Obnoxious Widgets of Scarcity and to kill even rarer Unfindable Monsters of Time-Wasting]].  These will usually be found, after some obscene length of [[time]], in such remote locations as [[Cyber City 404]] or [[AceHigh]], as opposed to easily accessable locations with significantly helpful resources like [[Improbable Central]] or [[Kittania]].((Or, if you happen to have joined some [[OST|team dedicated to helping besieged Outposts]], he'll always seem to point you towards [[NewHome]] or [[Kittania]], which are almost never threatened.))

[[Rumor]] has it, Dan can also be bribed.  We can't get into details in public like this,((At least, not without being a little compensation...)) but, if you can meet his price, he's just the man to make it happen for [[you]]. There are also rumors that connect this 'Dan' figure to [[Caveman_Joe|CMJ]] in mysterious and improbable ways.((Leading to many theories about Dan and Emily))