~~NOTOC~~
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|   **Wanted by the staff of the Enquirer:**\\ An artist of some merit, employed to,\\ semi-regularly, provide this fine\\ publication with a cartoon or illustration\\ in the classical style. Inquire((Enquire?)) within.  |  [[http://merch.improbableisland.com|{{http://cache0.bigcartel.com/product_images/35928568/175.png?26x34}}]][[http://merch.improbableisland.com|{{http://cache0.bigcartel.com/product_images/41919887/175.JPG?34x34}}]][[http://merch.improbableisland.com|{{http://cache0.bigcartel.com/product_images/36030478/175.png?34x34}}]]\\ //Tired of shopping for\\ that awkward person?\\ Tired of looking at the same old junk?//\\ **Visit [[http://merch.improbableisland.com|The Island Gift Shop]]\\ for all your gifting needs!**((Rest in Peace, Merch Store))   |  <sub>***Crescent Beach Limpet Nuggets\\ Original\\ Extra Crispy\\ Deep Fried\\ Barbecue\\ A delicious alternative to brownies\\ Available at\\  Crescent Beach Titan Fightin' Lodge***</sub>  |
|  **Tired of The Watcher's tyranny?**\\ Ready for a change? Sign up at Ashtu's\\ Anarchy Annex, just south of Kittania,\\ and join the glorious revolution! Or if\\ you're just tired, we also have beds and\\ coffee. //[[Ashtu]] 2011/06/05 13:37//  |  **Lost and Found**\\ Found Outside PSK: blck/wht badger.\\ v. aggressive. 8 legs. Mild smoker.\\ Free to good home.  |  **Need an Instrument?**\\ You don't have to settle for what you\\ can find in the jungle! Visit Dizzy's\\ Music at (16,11) for a wide assortment\\ of handmade and improbably-crafted\\ instruments!  |
|  **BOOZE FOR SALE**  \\  Price: 1 Wisdom per bottle  \\  Payment by truth, prose, poetry,  \\  lyricism, witticism or quotation.  \\  For sale at The Bingo Hall  \\  //Yes, it's those GERM loonies again.//  |    **FOR SALE**\\ One 'Help Wanted' Sign.\\ Slightly used.\\ Possibly stolen from Omega.\\    |  **Positions Available\\ **Immediate openings for 6 - 7 Clan Officers.\\ Good Buffs, Excellent Benefits. Your\\ awesome Hat is your only qualification.\\ Check out <IIIII> Clan Description before\\ you choose. //[[Mongo]] 2011/06/06 09:02//  |
|  **Dear Oronte**, \\ I'm sorry,\\ I don't know why I hit you like that\\ I'd love to go out for drinks\\ P.S. Only if your face isn't too bruised  |  **DEAD ARTILLERY** \\ hardcore atomic fuzz-grunge \\ and crust punk. \\ 10 req cover, 5 req beers! \\ at Miu-Miu's  |  **Cheap Builder Brews**\\ For details check IC\\ Prancing SpiderKitty\\ Ask for the dealer.  |
|  **To Whom It May Concern**  \\ My dwelling burned down\\ That's the second time this\\ week. Please leave your\\ WHOOMPS outside  |  **Not strong enuff?**  \\ Weak knees?\\ Hardcore Midjit training\\ Every monday at Midnight\\ Bring plenty of req  |  **Rewards Programme**\\ Are you on your first\\ Rank 6\Rank 7\Bastard Rank?\\ Then you are eligible to win //fabulous// prizes!\\ Distract [[Maniak]] to join.  |
|  **Wanted**\\ A tall well-built woman with good\\ reputation, who can cook frogs\\ legs, who appreciates a good fuc-\\ schia garden, classic music and tal-\\ king without getting too serious.  |    Emily,\\ Please give me back my charm\\ - eBoy     |  **Rewards Programme**\\ You heard about the Programme\\  but never found out how to properly join?\\ Distract Omega\\ Help Guaranteed (not really) |
|  **Finust Fud Un thu Islund** \\ \\ Fud up wiv stakes? Ad ut up tu \\ ere wiv "Nut und bury sulud"? \\ Wunt sum //real// fud fur uh chunge? \\ Cum tu **Kebabs 'N'Shite** thu \\ ih-qulity rustrunt! \\ Tu littres uv grese wiv uvry meal \\ gurunteed!  |  **Cleaning Lady Needed**\\ Must be good with mop.\\ Bed and Board included.\\ Apply at the Bingo Hall,\\ <sub>Go below the stairs\\ Then follow The stairs Down\\ Bloody Great Hole!\\ Tunneling Right\\ St Righthere IHS Hospital\\ Schindlers Lift\\ Sodomy, Rumology & The Lashology</sub>  |    MeEpEr's HoUsE of InSaNiTy!\\ Home of Happy fun time jackets!\\ "Hug yourself asleep!"\\ 19,18   |
|  **Peace and Quiet Needed**  \\  Looking for a good pot of tea  \\ <sub>  Not steeped too long, you blaggards. </sub> \\ Somewhere where the walls\\ don't shake  \\  The earth doesn't quake  \\  And the mind won't break.  |  <del>**Awesome Fred's Stone Delivery** \\ Are you a dwelling startup that needs\\ stone? I have loads, so stop mining. \\ Just contact Awesome Fred with quantity \\ and destination coordinates.</del> \\ //he ded ded died ded// \\   |  **Rewords Program**\\ Find yourself using the same handful\\ of words and phrases over and over again?\\ You may be eligible for the rewords prog-\\ ram! Contact your local thesaurus to apply.  |
|  **Looking for that piece of scrap?**\\ Don't want to waste your cigs on the\\ off-chance of getting the item you want?\\ <sup>Try</sup>\\ **Wongo's Scrap Emporium**\\ (15,12), One East 1 Northeast of IC\\ **Large Stocks of All Scrap**\\ 25sp's of Hunters Lodge items per piece  |  **Wool for sale**\\ Wonderful quality\\ Colours and patterns\\ available include\\ Calico, Tiger, Ginger,\\ White and Hedgehog\\ Contact Crazy Audrey\\ Bring your own shears.  |  **Reward Program**\\ Have a lot of money\\  but nobody to give?\\ Head to Squat Hole\\ You get to give your money, \\ //And// you get free beatings.  |
|  **Positions Available**\\ New circus has Immediate Openings for\\ 6 - 7 close friends or intimate strangers\\ Positions range from Cartwheeler,\\ Cowgirl, Missionary to Dog.\\ Excellent Health Benefits.  |  **Found Dinner**\\ Very nervous, freshly fallen from sky\\ Tasted of London Rain\\ Don't bother searching for him,\\ Redcollar Reclaimators  |  **Enjoy travelling? Like to help people?** \\ Join the club! Why not bring Supply Crates \\ from the deep oceans and jungles down to \\ where Reqless Rookies can find them. \\ Rally point: [[KIND]] tower [14,8].  |
|   **Lonely in CC** \\ LF witty company,\\ offers tea and TLCOYB, NS, GSOH. \\ Bring your own brains.  |    **SEARCHING FOR A PLACE OR A SITE?** \\ Look no more! \\ **All Places mapped** and listed \\ \\ **[[https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AtPkUdingtHEdEthQ2dDd2tRenhiQnZ2U2RMRTRIYlE&hl=en_GB#gid=2|Improbable Island Land Registry]]** \\ \\ Take a flier: \\ //tinyurl.com/ii-land-reg// \\ or //goo.gl/bpkRR//    |  I'll get you, my pretty, and your little\\ mount, too!\\   | \\
|  **Found**\\ <sup>One Friendly Zombie Puppy\\ Missing: Three Legs, One Ear, One Eye, Tongue\\ Responds to the Name "Dumb Shite"</sup>   |  **For Sale** \\ One Wedding Ring \\ Three Wisdom Teeth \\ Slightly-bent Frying Pan \\ Ring and Teeth in good shape \\ Bonus: Book:\\ How to Get Married to a Stranger\\ in Three Easy Steps    |  **Wanted:**\\ The advertisements here to have some\\ goddamn contact information.\\ I want to buy these things!\\ Why won't you let me?!\\ (Or just leave the info on my doorstep.\\ That'd work too.)   | 
|  **EIE**\\ We can get you home.\\ There **is** hope.\\ Look near the mountains for The Pinnacle\\ and inquire within.  |  **The IIRS**\\ is asking for any information\\ regarding sightings of the \\ //wild Improbable Supply Crate// \\ and its behaviour.\\ Please contact your local scientist.\\ <sub>//Improbable Island Research Society//\\ //Department of Ethology//</sub>  |  **The Riding Lawn Mower!**\\ It slices! It dices!\\ It goes slightly faster than walking speed!\\ You want it! You need it!\\ All the cool kids are riding one!((Just one. For all of them.))\\ //Coming Soon To Mike's Chop Shop//  |\\ 
|   **LOST: Bernard's speedos**\\ LAST KNOWN LOCATION:\\ Bingo Caller's Spa\\ If found, please return at Reception   |   **Wanted:**\\ Someone who can put up\\ with a Wolf Morphs\\ constant shedding and\\ uncommon fits of rage.\\ Contact Lycan DavenStrife   |  **Need a cool "new" sword?**\\ Maybe a weapon upgrade?\\ Come visit Jon Titania's Scrap Emporium \\ just one click north of Cyber City!  |\\   
|  <sub>I was asked to make an ad \\ instructions too difficult\\ I'm stuck in the skronky pot\\ please help</sub>  |     **VILLAINS FOR HIRE**  \\   ATTENTION PROTAGONISTS!  \\  Are you a defender, a rescuer, a HERO?  \\  Are you a mover and shaker?  \\  What you need is a dedicated villain!  \\ Bespoke opposition is now available!\\  Under the spreading chestnut tree,\\ **The Villain Smithy** stands, \\ ready to work with you to assure that\\  your villain is appropriate\\  to your RP character\\ and forwards your RP story.\\ Designed trouble scales range from\\  street crime to trans-multiverse\\ New World Orders.\\ Distract Smithy.     Posted 6/2/2015 \\   |  **WANTED**\\ A companion to explore the jungles with,\\ Must be witty, easy going,\\ able to hold a decent conversation\\ about anything.\\ Sanity isn't a requirement, fighting ability is.\\ Contact McDerp.\\ <code>|   <sub>*your ad here*</sub>   |   <sub>*your ad here*</sub>   |   <sub>*your ad here*</sub>   |</code>
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